Life begins at 60.

[CornishBrian]

Over Sixties One-liners

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.

13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

15. You sing along with elevator music.

16. Your eyes won't get much worse.

17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

18. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

19. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

20. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

21. You can't remember who sent you this list.

[Mavary]

I guess were all over the hill. X

[CornishBrian]

It gets easier once you get over the top...it's downhill from there.

[medow]

Very good Brian ! As I was approaching 60 someone said to me 'the first thing that happens is the doctors will want to put a camera up your ........ Sure enough, by the time I was 60 and 3 months, and I came round before the procedure was over, all on a screen in glorious colour, said to doctor I can now tell people I've looked up my own .... All staff fell about in the theatre, happy days x x

[Suzy6 in reply to medow]

You were lucky I had 3 times and I was only sedated. They told me to watch the screen.

[silversurfer]

Can't wait to get there.

[sassy59]

Amen to all of that. Pete (62) and I (61) are safe from kidnappers thank goodness. Who sent this?? xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[undine]

LOL thank you very good cheered me up - my only complaint at being 60 (woman born in October 1953) thanks to this bl**dy shambles in government I have to wait now till I'm 65 (at the earliest?!) before I get any pension. (had been initially told would be 63 where this lot think we poor plebs can get the extra money to support ourselves for another 2/5 years I don't know - oh yes of course they are all multimillionaires so no problem for them and I bet they all have more than one bedroom in their mansions!! Sorry for rant - did enjoy the above and hey at least I'm still here at 60 ...

[CornishBrian in reply to undine]

Calm down...this is only a dress rehearsal for real life.....

[undine in reply to CornishBrian]

Oh that's alright then - silly me - thought this was the real thing ........,

[Hidden]

We have time to enjoy all the things that young families and working made us so busy we could not appreciate just how wonderful free time can be. It only improves as we learn the value of living through experience taking nothing for granted.

The music in lifts is bit modern for joining in but at least we have the time to notice it eh.

[CornishBrian in reply to Hidden]

You are so right. Retirement is the best job I have ever had.

[stillmovin]

This is very funny! Made me laugh anyway.

Most apply to me and I'm not near 60 yet...

And I'll have to wait to 68 (and rising) before I get my pension.

[undine]

Sorry to hear you are in the same boat hypercat54 - think we women have been sh*fted yet again, we never really got true equality in the workplace, or indeed in society as a whole, just small improvements to shut us up - yet now when not having earned on average as much as our male counterparts, nor probably risen in the ranks as them, we are to be 'equal' in pension rights - so annoying and to change the age when there is only a few years to go is so unfair - how on earth can anyone plan or afford to either keep working (even if they could and as you say that is very difficult) or live on fresh air (sorry re pun for us on this site) for 3 or 4 extra years. grrrrrrrrrrr..............

[andymb]

Ha ha! Loved this. Andy

[frank65]

i don't live without sex and i am in my 70's

[CornishBrian in reply to frank65]

I was told by my GP that I can have sex at 85....but I don't know the woman.

[frank65 in reply to CornishBrian]

a very good reply .all i have to do is convice the wife