How do I cope now?

Can someone please give me advice on how to cope? My husband died on Friday morning at the local hospice.(less than 24 hours ago) He had COPD and although we knew he was ill it was not expected yet least of all by the medical staff. I have not been to sleep since Friday morning when I got the phone call. I live with my daughter and family and we do just do not know what to do with ourselves,

We know we have a lot of legal things to do. The doctor has given me valium but they have not really helped as I would not be up this time of night on the computer.

Jean

39 Replies

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  • Jean, I am so, so sorry to hear this tragic news. You must be so numb. I know I was. How to cope? I don't think any of us who have faced what you are now going through coped. Doing the legal things, sorting out paperwork, they detract and at the same time enhance our pain. Your daughter will be a great comfort for you. Lean on each other, and together you will muddle through this most difficult time. Condolences to you and your family. x

  • So sorry to hear this news Jean, I echo what initial has said. Just pace yourself each day with the paperwork and the things that need doing. Say an hour in the morning and an hour or two in the afternoon. Don't hesitate to ask family and friends for help.

    So sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your family.

    Bc x

  • Jean, this is a journey that will give you strength to carry on, having a daughter with you is wonderful keep thinking of the good things when things get you down but it's a journey of life and testing. I wrote recently on here about being bullied and I have to stay stick with us and we shall give you strength too. Our thoughts a love go out to you. Audrey

  • Thank you all for your kind messages. I will be using this site for a bit longer yet, I know that Albert would have been moved to read these. Jean

  • Thinking of you and your family xxx things will fall into place as they need to take care niki xx

  • I am so sorry for your loss Jean it is never an easy time but you will get the strength to cope. This site will be a comfort to you as there are some very caring people on here. Bless you and your family.xxx

  • Zoesnan, my big sympathies to you and your family. It is a very raw time for you at the moment, but gradually ease over a period of time. Practical support is needed which will mean the funeral services. Also there should be help available on the computer. I cant quote any particular site in particular. Sincere wishes to you -- love Annieseed.

  • Hi Jean,

    Sorry to learn of your husband passing. I think the first thing is to let yourself feel exactly as you feel. You are coping, you are grieving and that is normal. When you are able I'd contact the hospice again and ask about Cruz counseling. It can help a great deal to talk to someone who understands how you must feel, but is objective and can guide you.

  • Jean

    I am so sorry to hear your sad news. My condolences to you and your family. It is a very difficult time. The funeral director you chose should be able to help you with all the things you need to do. Do you belong to a church or similar? They will have support available. Please stay in touch on this site.

    Judith x

  • So sorry to hear your sad news take comfort in the letters and cards you will receive my daughters and myself did it means a lot too know people are thinking of you .As time passes you will learn how to cope it takes a while talk about him .hit a cushion be angry with him talk to him it's all normal .You take care

    love Dorothyxxx

  • so sorry jean for your loss,coping with this is so hard ,but think how upset,your husband would be ,seeing you stressed out ,remember its normal to greive

    take comfort knowing you are doing things the way your husband would expect ,how many years did you run your family life ,he seen how strong you were then

    jean think how proud he would be of you doing what he would have wanted

    im sorry jean

    thinking of you

    billy x

  • so sorry to hear of your sad loss all my condolonces.only time will help.as for the legal side make sure to contact bereavement services.at dwp.you can phone them instead of filling out forms. it will be done a lot quicker over the phone. a lot of people don't know they can receive bereavement payments.make sure you get all the benefits you are entitled to get

  • Hello Jean, I don't imagine you or you daughter have had much sleep, which is what you need now.

    I'm so sorry, you must be devasted by the suddeness of Alberts death. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. .God Bless xx.

  • As someone who had no family I can only send my love to you with my deepest sympathy and the hope that you find peace, hope and rest when this sad time is over. Your family will support you just let them help you all they can and do not hold back the tears, everyone will understand, crying releases pain as I know. Be the brave person you know you can be for your husband's sake.Love and blessing. Brenda xx

  • So sorry for your news.on here you will find the most amazing support ,frendship and love zoesnan, my Rob left us on Thursday morning,I posted on here and within minuits I had 57 replies that's what is holding me together plus the children are here tho it can be a distraction with seven when there was just us two. The most important thing is to keep talking and hugging and laughing together over the memories, last evening we had pull apart roasted chicken and hunks of bread which was Robs favorite we laid his place as head of the table with his glass of red wine and we had the most lovely experience,he was definitely with us. Granddaughter said gdad is sat on his cloud with his glass of whiskey watching the cricket probably the ashes and we all collapsed in laughter Rob would have loved it! All I can offer you practically is to make a lists of everything ,your brain will be spaced out, and try to do something normal to start the day like put wash out.it keeps you focused.the rest will pan out on its own as and when it will be all ok,pm me it you want to. al x

  • Thanks for your message everyone has been so kind as you said. Glad you have your family for support. Please message if you want to Jean

  • Hello Jean, my sincere condolences for the loss of your Albert, you are in my thoughts and prayers during this sad time.huff x

  • Thinking of you Jean and sending you virtual hugs.

    and to you too AL

    xoxox

    BC

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  • Jean i think most here have been through what you are experiencing and my thoughts are with you and your family i hope this website can help you .

    moneyadviceservice.org.uk/e...

    never give up ..

  • thoughts are with you.

  • My condolences to you and your family. You do not have to cope at the moment there will be time when the shock has worn off. At the moment just try to get through each day the best way you can. There is help for you, Macmillan nurses, the Hospice and the Undertakers who will guide you through the legalities. Do not be afraid of showing your sorrow or your anger people should understand, it is something all off us who have experienced what you are now going through have also experienced. Hugs to you I hope you get some rest soon xxx

  • I am so sorry for your loss Jean. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xx

  • Jean I am sorry to hear your dad loss. It will take time. Be kind to yourself and take things slowly. My deepest condolences to you and your family, with much love TAD xx

  • HI Jean, Words are so hard to find at this time but you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.Mattcass /Fran

  • What beautiful people you have here Jean, I feel their love and warmth flowing across the pages to comfort you and your daughter at this most tragic time.

    Allow me to add my condolences and hope that you find peace in the days that follow.

  • My deepest sympathy Jean to you and your family. Take each day one step at a time. Ask for help from everyone you can - I know there are many there to help you with the legalities etc. (Funeral Director, Hospice etc).

    Take Care

    Thérèse xxx

  • Deepest sympathies Jean and to anyone who has lost someone dear to them. Try and get some rest if you can. Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time. xxxx

  • Hello Jean such sad shocking news for you the loss of your husband!!!I found it a very surreal experience ,the actual moment and that instant of HELP WHAT NOW devastation ,sadness heartbreaking pain,hyperventilating panic,and walking out of the hospital watching the rest of the world continuing on ! very weird feeling, just wanting the world to stop with you in some kind of acknowledgement of your loss!Ofcourse life does just that carries on all part of lifes cycle.It is a good thing that along side our loss,pain and sadness,there are all the necessary jobs to be done as you kinda already know,collection of death certificate you seem to need loads everyone seems to need one,funeral arrangements everyone is different you can be quick or as slow as you want.We bought all the flowers home except for immediate family I got a lot of pleasure from this coz the day of the funeral came and went auto pilot ,so it was lovely to look out of my window and enjoy them.One thing I found hard was eating but it is very important you dont realise just how much energy this all takes,. so little and often.Iam so glad that you have you daughter as Initial said you will bounce up and down but together you will fumble your way through,remember there is no rule book here and as you meet different authorities they will guide you along this bumpy road,crying,anger and laughter dont feel guilty about any of it.Please accept my condolences my thoughts are so with you at this very sad time, with love to you and your daughter and her family.Janexx

  • Dear Jean

    I am so sad for you and your family to hear of your dear husband Albert's passing.

    Everyone copes in their own way and their own time sweetheart. For some folks having someone to talk to who are not involved such as a bereavement counsellor either from the hospice or Cruse cruse.org.uk/cruse-areas-an... is helpful, for others not.

    You may find it helpful to take up AL's offer and pm, as AL's pain on Rob's passing is also very raw. You may both find comfort in speaking with one another.

    May you find strength Jean in all the wonderful memories of the time you and Albert shared together.

    With love

    cx

  • The fact that you felt you could find this website and share your grief at this hour shows you are channelling some of your emotions into something positive. Someone else may benefit from your words and may take your feelings as being a support to their own. All sorts of professionals are out there to help. From the funeral directors to the local vicar. Do as you have done here. Ask for help

  • so sorry to here your sad news .

    but i guess his at peace now and not suffering but its always the people that are left behind that do .

    if you are confused as what you have to do ie funerel arrangements finatial ect get in touch with c a b they are very good and most of the time theyu can do most of it for you i wish you all the best and god bless u all

  • My sincerest condolences to you and your family on the passing of your husband, father and grandfather. Don't even try to make sense of anything at the moment there are people out there who are willing and able to assist you in whatever your needs are, don't be afraid to ask for help or vent your anger at what's happened . It's going to be unreal for a very long time so take each day at a time, don't make any rash decisions or let anyone take over no matter how well meaning they are.

    God bless

    Karen

    XXX

  • So sad and a shock for you too. Take time to remember good times and they will help you smile. My auntie still gives her husband a running commentary every day ....years after his death ..... everyone finds their own way of coping with all stages of grief. Hugs to you. X

  • I'm so sorry to hear your news you must be devastated. I can only advice take one day at a time and talk about it. My heart goes out to you.

    Kim xxxx

  • Jean so sorry to hear your sad news on the loss of your husband, this is one of the most traumatic things that happens in our lives. Do not worry so soon about practical issues allow yourself some space to grieve,chat, cry pour out your fears. your husband is at peace now with no more suffering, you must look after yourself in order to face the future, time is a great healer, having been that way myself you have my greatest sympathyX

  • Sosorry to hear your sad news.You have been given some great advice,from the wonderful people here,you must be feeling numb at the moment.So glad you have your daughter for support,you will be a great comfort to each other.

    My love & sympathy to you both xxxx

  • Hi Jean, I truly am sorry for your loss, Even though you know what is happening, It never makes it easier. one day at a time. Time and the love of your family and friends, will get you through. Nannyb xxx

  • Hi Jean, so sorry for your loss, there is really no advise anyone can give you other than the practical, as has been mentioned here, the funeral director will help with the arrangements and point you in the right direction for the legalities, how to cope emotionally is a very individual thing, take solace in your family, you are so lucky to have them close, cry, shout, scream but most of all try a smile to remember the good times and I am sure there were so many. Life does go on, it is the nature of things, but for some the journey will be slower than others and that is normal. God bless xx

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