British Hospitals - True Stories

1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to

have her baby in the taxi'.

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and

began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the

lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the

wrong one.

submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. Andrews Hospital, Glasgow

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that

her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.. Not more than

five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the

rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp.

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that

he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one ?'. . .. I


'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and

now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before

applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How

long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered. 'Why, not for about

twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while

checking up on a man I asked . . ... 'So how was your breakfast this


'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get

used to the taste.' Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled

'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary.

7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple

hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,

and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined

that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an

immediate operation.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff

noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there

was a tattoo that read .. . .'Keep off the grass'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on

the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty, KGH London

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

6 Replies

  • How funny Annie really bought a big old smile to my face,thank-you :) Janexx

  • Oh bless her - nedridden! Thanks for the laughs.

  • Bedridden!! Must get my cataracts seen to!

  • I read them to my daughter and now both of us are wiping tears of laughter from our eyes best laugh we've had for ages, Big Thanks

  • Really funny! I had heard the first one before Annie but the rest were new to me. M x

  • Hilarious Annie, thank you for the laughs. :-) :-) Alison

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