Try these for a laugh. From a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" They are things people actually said in court, word for word

and published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY; Are you sexually active?

WITNESS; No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY; What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS; He said, "Where am I Cathy?"

ATTORNEY; And why did that upset you?;

WITNESS; My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY; Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?;

WITNESS; All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?;

ATTORNEY; All your responses MUST be oral, ok? What school did you go to?


ATTORNEY; Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


ATTORNEY; Did you check for blood pressure?


ATTORNEY; Did you check for breathing?


ATTORNEY; So, then it's possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


ATTORNEY; How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY; I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS; Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

9 Replies

  • Sooo funny! thank you. xxx

  • Thanks, mustcarryon, funny.

  • Very funny I enjoyed that mustcarryon.Thank-you kindly.:) Janexx

  • Lovely,lovely.lovely


  • made me giggle, nice way to end the weekend

  • First class, magic. Berwick x

  • Hahaha, I might get this book, it's hilarious. Thanks. xx

  • Brilliant :-)

  • I'd like to see the book too. V funny! x

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