Nearly started smoking

Hi everyone, I am a tab bit low right now, and maybe shouldn't be writing this, but just really need to get what is inside out. Found out on Saturday that the the guy I split with recently is now shacked up with, yeah the women I had had suspicions about. So ok that's it, we are finished, I only wish I didn't still have the feelings for him that I have. Also that aside, I have to go for an endosCopy tomorrow, and I am really scared that there might be the big C lurking round the corner. I am not a non religious person, but feel that I have had more than my fair share of grief, and don't know how much more I can take. I don't a say anything to my son, because it's my job to protect him, therefor I sit and worry on my own. One part of me is the all so positive, but the other part is the frightened unsure side. I am now in my bed, and know that there will not be much sleep, witing for tomorrow. Just feel very alone right now oh and as close as I got to busting a pack of cigs, I didn't thank god, I am still a new non smoker

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20 Replies

  • dont give in too the weed and blow to your partner you are strong and every blow will make you even stonger as for the endoscopy i have one every 12 months and have done for the last 23 years but i can understand that you are worrying its the fear of the unknown its just a bit uncomfortable thats all you take care


  • Thanks Dorothy, just having breakfast then a long wait till I can eat again. Will let you know later how I got on.

  • ha ,how are you,so ex shacked up with a scruber,,good for the low life,hope there both happy,but it never lasts,and the snake will be back,and if and when he does,you will be stronger cs your of the sticks,and you say to the creep,my peace of mind and my life is worth more than /what you think you have down stairs ,I have my son my sanity and im clean living,i don't have vermin so pi,,ss ,cant put it any stronger on hear,so you will no what to say,enjoy your life now,dont go backwards,go fourth,bernicexx

  • all been there so we no,copd ill health they walk,after come back wi tail between there legs,no way,keep walkin,any party steamtrain,ll is bringin the food,bernicexx

  • Hi Berenice, thanks for you message. It's so hard when you know you still love them, however even with that said, I know that I don't want him back, I am cross that I was so blind, but then that's what they say about love. I will take great pleasure in making sure that I am dressed and made up everyday, so if I see him he will see what he's lost, especially now that I am gaing weight. June x

  • Go, girl. xx

  • Well done for staying off those fags streamtrain. Your ex aint worth a 2nd thought, you are far more important so make sure all your thoughts go to helping yourself stay well and healthy. Things will get better for you, becoming stronger staying smoke free. I am sending thoughts so you will have good sleeps tonight and all will go well for you tomorrow.

    Try not to worry and hopefully you won't have to wait too long for the results.

    Keeping fingers crossed for you.

    Best wishes BC

  • true bc,

  • Thankyou Blakey, I really don't want to be a smoker again, as I know how much better I feel now. I did have a good nights sleep think it might have something to do with the wine I had befor bed. June x

  • Hello Steamtrain I know your really fed up right now but you ex is a worm let him keep slithering far away from you my friend.Just how strong are you to have not given in to those cigs ,you very obviously have inner strength there you are going to be just fine ,most would feel apprehensive about tomorow I cant talk from experience re your particular test.but if i have to go through something that worries me i have to focus on the instruction of the staff only and follow what they say to the letter telling myself keep relaxed thats right jane your doing it calm is good and swallow steamtrain.Try not to worry about something you dont know yet,a waste of energy instead hold your head high and smile and smile with your son feels good you are doing really really well be happy about that take a day at a time and enjoy as best you can for you and your son! please talk with us again tomorow.Sorry can arf babble me,will be thinking of you tomorow.:) Jane

  • What a scumbag!

    Well done you for holing your head high and not giving in to be victim of him or the weed.

    Stay strong. You know you can, if you can kick smoking you can kick anything - including him, to touch!

    As for endoscopy. They will probably offer you a numbing throat spray or sedative. I've had several and take the sedative every time and don't remember or feel a single thing. No probs. good luck tomorrow - I mean later today xxx

  • No one is worth your pain! Keep up the good work with the non smoking and concentrate on what you have to do for yourself! My ex is now with my old P/A and I have found a wonderful new man. I have just been diagnosed with copd and have had an endoscopy, tests, ct scans and am waiting for the results. It's a worrying time and I do know how you feel but try and concentrate on the good things and take each thing one by one. Good luck with your test today

  • Good luck at your appointment today steamtrain! Let us know how you are, and as for the waste of a space ex partner, remember there an ex for a reason! Things must of been going wrong, so time for you to put your life back on track !! You and your son are the important ones now xx

  • Thanks to all of your messages of support. I have just had my rather large breakfast, and now no more food till after test, sh-- I am going to be starving. That's the thing about not smoking, even my son looks in the fridge, and says where's all the food gone. Boot on the other foot for a change. And yes I know what you have all said about the ex is right. It's hard when every night your sat by yourself. Thank god for this site, sure I would feel worse without all of you.

    Ok enough about the negatives, I am going to get myself tucked back into bed, and find a film to watch, and probably fall asleep during it, so as the time goes by quicker, then get the test done, and get lots of food yum. Speak to you all later, but again, thanks everyone June xx

  • Good luck today June xxx

  • Good luck to a smoke-free strong woman! xx

  • You take good care of yourself Steamtrain, stay strong and off those fags. You don't need them and you don't need your cheating ex either! Look after you and your son and good luck to you. Let us know how it all goes. Thinking of you. Love, Carole xx

  • So glad you didn't succumb to the weed. You are not free of them for years. Upsets like you have had can make you start at any time but if you are aware of that you have ammunition to fight with. He really is not worth killing yourself on cigarettes. He will probably go from that woman to someone else and she will be left feeling like you. You will be sad for a while but in time you will feel that what has happened is for the best and its better to find out now. Keep strong.

  • Chin up!


  • well done for staying off the weed hope the endoscopy goes well.

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