Daily Laughter Friday
Well it is that day of the week that everyone waits for
I have gave you enough reading material till Monday
Have a great POETS Day
POETS day is a term used by workers in the United Kingdom and Australia, to jocularly refer to Friday as the last day of the work week. The letters in "POETS" are an acronym for "Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday": hence Friday becomes a Poet's day. Variations on this are "Punch Out Early Tomorrow's Saturday" (referring to a manual punch time clock), "Push Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday" and "Push Off Early Tomorrow's Sunday" (based on the old 6 day work week).
Another usage is in the slang of the United States Navy as abbreviation for "Piss on electronics, tomorrow's Saturday". It is used by people in electronics ratings and refers to any day before the start of the weekend as a period without working time to be spend at paid occupational labor.
It also is a backronym, to be read as in "A Poets Day Dream."
The Waterloo Engineering Society, at the University of Waterloo, has an on-campus pub named P.O.E.T.S. The official expansion of the name is "Piss On Everything, Tomorrow's Saturday". The University of Calgary's Schulich School of Engineering also has a weekly meeting/party with the same expansion of POETS.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
SAEED AL SAHAF: Iraqi Head of Information.
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. In fact, we do not even have a chicken.
HANS BLIX: We have reason to believe there may be potential for this chicken's capability, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us. There is no middle ground. It was looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction
TONY BLAIR: I agree with George.
JACK STRAW: I agree with George and Tony.
OZZIE OSBORNE: @#@#!!@ Chicken. No one crosses the @#@#!!@ road without my @#@#!!@ say so. It's time for the chicken to put up or shut up.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDAD: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
OPRAH WINFREY: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it felt accomplishing its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens, crossing all the roads. You may say I'm a dreamer - but its not the only hen.
MICHAEL JACKSON: There's nothing more wonderful than sharing your bed with a chicken.
KARL MARX: It was an historic inevitability.
ARSENE WENGER: What chicken? I did not see it.
ALEX FERGUSON: The chicken was not drawn to the other side fairly, and no one is not bigger than this club.
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: eChicken2003 version 1.0 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your cheque book - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
HOMER SIMPSON: Mmmmmmmmm . . . . c h i c k e n
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of aggression and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. But it wasn't really 'our' nerve gas because we don't have any.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
BILL CLINTON: I did not have sexual relations with that chicken! I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please? Does Hillary know about her?
NEW YORK TIMES: She was forced to cross by the Bush Administration in order to fund an unnecessary tax cut and also because she could not get into the Augusta Golf Club where she and her domestic partner Constitutionally deserve to hold their gay marriage ceremony.
AMERICAN DEMOCRAT PARTY: The Chicken - backed by Union Leadership (and 34% of the rank and file) - went desperately seeking what ALL "Working Families" deserve which the Republicans are trying to take away from him - free child care, hot school lunches, clean air & water, and Social Security!
AMERICAN REPUBLICAN PARTY: We don't have time for these "feel good" sessions. We're too busy slashing services, stealing food from the schools, poisoning the water, polluting the air and raiding the Social Security Lock Box. Hummmm - time for lunch - Chicken anyone?
REVEREND JESSE JACKSON: The discriminated against animal went over to join the protest march against ALL farmers, suburbanites and city dwellers who have oppressed, abused and generally Fried, Boiled and Grilled generation after generation. Now to be known as "Fowl-Americans," they are urging a boycott of all KFC's, Churches, Popeye's, etc.... or until these organizations send enough money to Jesse - or - give his family members each 100 franchises, to make up for the decades of exploitation.
THE FRENCH: Obviously, everyone knows that the American Chicken is morally and intellectually inferior and crossed the road merely to surrender.
1. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
2. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
3. I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it
4. I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real
pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
5. Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
7. Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
8. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
9. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
10. I was so poor growing up. If I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with
11. Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes
12. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
13. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
14. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
15. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
16. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
17. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
18. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
19. Work harder: millions on welfare depend on you.
20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
21. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
22. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
23. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
25. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
26. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
27. Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
28. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
29. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him “Sum Ting Wong”.
30. Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.
32. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
33. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
34. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
35. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
36. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
37. I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can
n help me, and I say, “Have you got anything I’d like?” Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, “Extra medium.”
38. Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
39. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
40. Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.
41. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
42. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
43. Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
44. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
45. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
46. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
47. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
48. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
49. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
50. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
51. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
53. It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
54. Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
55. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
56. The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
57. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
58. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
59. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
61. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
62. First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
63. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
64. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
65. If you can read this, the bitch fell off… [Seen on the back of a biker's vest]
66. Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
67. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
68. A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
69. Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
70. I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
71. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
72. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
73. Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.
74. I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.
75. By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
76. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
77. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
78. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
79. I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”
80. Opinions are indeed like assholes, some are just bigger than others
81. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
82. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer
83. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
84. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
85. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
86. Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
87. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
88. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
89. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
90. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
91. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
92. Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.
93. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
94. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
95. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
96. I ran three miles today. Finally I said, “Lady take your purse
97. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen
98. I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
99. I was reading the dictionary, I thought it was a poem about everything
100. I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.
Well that is it for Poets Day
Have a great Day and a better weekend