Its been a hard day

Ireally wanna a ciggie !!! My daughter has had a breakdown i think she wanted to die where she is so fed up,they wanted to section her but are now postponing till thursday? Ihave the children 9yr and 3yr. icant talk on the phone coz older earwigging.Please excuse me for using this forum for my very dirty laundry.Ithink the realisation of the day and its events are just hitting me,im sorry but im gonna be dramatic now excuse me,ihave really got torrents of tears at the mo.sosad she tx me to say going to bed coz she doesnt trust saying to myself the fact she has said that she wont?my breathing has become panicy im not hyperventalating,but feel out of breath if that makes any sense.Part of me is scared icant cope with the kiddies,the other is of course i can,and i can mentally,physically a little different.the eldest chid is of great concern he has half an idea of something and has expressed his concern bless his little heart,the younger is a she devil lol bless her.I think she takes after her nannie.ihavnt had a ciggie but could cheerfully stickfive in at once. why do things always seem so much worse at night.iguess its coz ive stopped and just taking it all in.This is very cathartic,has made me able to breathe deeply again this is good. :) Im not wearing the f.....g patch tonight my god haha oh its a funny old life and then you f.....g die,haha not really folks will get through this.tomorow is another day.thankyou for listening.Janexx

26 Replies

  • It's okay to want a ciggie Jane but try your best not to. Take deep breaths and slowly let them out. As Stich says its a difficult situation to be in and we are all here for you. You can do it! Keep telling yourself this, There is a real biggie involving my grandchildren but can't and have been asked to be main carer at the moment but just can't due to my lack of energy but am improving slowly...Keep your chin up and remember you can talk to us anytime. xxx Holly

  • Your very kind Holly i really lost it for a moment there .Felt overwhelmed suddenly didnt quite know where to go im a very lucky lady to have all you lovely cyber friends feels real to me.Oh dear so you also have a situation isnt it a worry.,do you have apartner ,i dont its times like this it might be nice to have that .But i dont need that ,now that i have all you to bore the pants off,No tell me to belt up you boring old fart and ill stop lol.There will come a day and i will be able to turn this sad moan,into a tale of amusement,which is my way.thank-you Holly for caring now get to bed haha.:) Janexx

  • Thank-you Stitch yes you are right its been a battle all day with the cigs! Iwont not now ive got through the day which is now making me feel stronger.As for my daughter she has so much to live for ,breaks my heart.Im really hoping that today was her crisis and that tomorow we can start the repair,i know there is an awful lot of sorting .ive kinda been waiting for this moment,some god awful things have come out this year of which i new nothing makes me feel sick,i need Jason for a contract haha.She does need a lot of healing,love her. Again thanx for listening to my shit you have by just being there,on the lighter side hope i sleep coz looking after the brain of britain the eldest one and then my little she devil will mean a busy day i think,thanx for caring.Janexxxx

  • Someone else's pain is always so much more difficult to deal with than our own, especially when it involves our children. My own situation is very similar to yours and yet I still cannot give you any answers - I don't have them for myself! Just keep loving your daughter, it's all you can do. And look after yourself in the process. Take care.

  • Every day you survive without a cig is a triumph Jane. Well done. And what a horrid day, but glad you came here to the site. It's not dirty laundry, so many people have mental health issues - its a hard world to live in for many. Sometimes people have to hit the bottom in order to begin to heal. My daughter has some mental health issues, and also I used to work in mental health in the NHS, so I know just how bad people can feel.

    Something which helped me when i stopped smoking was to call it precisely that, i.e. "STOPPING smoking" - not "giving it up". The smoking cessation books are very hot on that, stopping being a proactive decision you've taken for yourself, and giving up being more about sacrificing/losing something. You've stopped smoking - you're proving that over and over again, and everyone here is behind you :) Keep saying to yourself "but Ive stopped smoking" whenever the desire strikes.

    It's Stoptober and everyone's trying to quit, but you're ahead of the game - Stoptember for you wasn't it? :)

    Take care, jean

  • Hullo , LL, you have so much lovely comforting advice. I cant add to it, but just to say how much I hope that things will sort themselves out for you. And, please, for me, NO fags.Big love Annieseedx

  • Hello Longlungs, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Oh what an inspiration you are. Don't have that ciggie. You are so strong in so many ways be strong on the ciggies.

  • I know how you feel....I WANT A ONE TOO!!! But its better for us this way....not to give this terrible smoking thing

    a chance!!! Special in stress situations like those, I treat myself with something nice when I crave :)

    I am now or only seven days without smoke, only use the E ciggy works for me and gum gum a lot of them.

    To keep my hand busy I do put them to use on my PlayStation 3 the Skyrim is keeping me busy LOL, I love games

    and there keep me going when I have not a good day like those when I am sick, I couldn't smoke jet air left for it and I would be a disaster with coughing.

    I am sure you will manage and it will be much better for you too :) :) so take care my dear!!!

  • It sounds like you need to stay strong because you are the one holding it all together!

  • ha ll,deeply sorry about your daughter,but a breakdown means,she as been strong for a long time and took a lot on board,the mind an body cut of,meanin they dnt work 2gether,the brain says 1 thing the body says another.this I no about,she will get well from this ,glad shes not sectioned,think that's for 28 days,ll at the end she will come out of it stronger,blv me on this,i no,she needs to get it all ot in the open,as she a shrink,i had 1 few yr back,and I came out stronger wiser,was on the bottom ladder but I got to the top,what u have to do is /don't push her,treat her as u have always done,but no pressure,if at times shes talkin crap please ignore it,her body is all mixed up,watch her from a distance don't crowd her,she wont like that,she will get threw this with patience and time,her eyes may be glazed but they will mend ,any thing u want to ask /u ask me,jokes on mental health I don't like,barriers need come down on this as well,ask ll me anything,if I can help I will,this stage clastrophia mite be with her,dont crowd her,watch listen and wait,shes in my thoughts am pulling for her,when I had mine, was crossing heavy rd as the brain was sayin no but body was going,there not working 2 gether,she will heal ll,bernicexxx

  • ll,her body will feel like its in slow motion,walkin from a ,2 b,will seem ages to her,a breakdown doesn't happen over night,she must have had to deal with a lot over time,u can hide it for so long ,then it surfaces,glad it as,now can be dealt with,her emotions feelings will be all over the place,crying talking 1 minute and up the nxt,be patient with her,look after urself as well remember the tunnel,there is light at the end ,she will get there,bernicexx

  • Lovely you are not boring the pants off me and you are not a boring old fart. On the contrary you are a very strong lady. You are always there for everyone, including us and we are here for you now. We all need a listening ear some of the time.

    I truly hope your daughter starts to feel stronger and in a better space. Don't forget amongst all this to take care of YOU.

    Love to you both.


  • Oh Jane, you are really doing this the hard way! Life will always throw stuff at us and strong people like you will deal with it, and come through at the other side. Worrying about our children is heartbreaking, but you need to think of you too. Use your swear words on the poisonous sticks, curse them out, and then keep going. You will be in my thoughts today. xxx

  • Stick with my mate WILL POWER


  • I have met your mate kotc, and he is still my mate.A bit difficult to get on with but I am persevering, and and don't intend to lose it. I haven't had a cig for 9months,only Ecigs.

  • Look to a brighter future now,you deserve it.

  • So dreadfully sorry to hear about your daughter. How awful to watch your daughter in such despair. I hope that she recovers but I guess it will be a slow process. You have been thrown in the deep end with the children - they are lucky to have you. NO wonder you want five fags - I did just reading your post! But you have beaten it - so don't give up now. I hope that today brings a ray of sunshine to you and yours. Take care TAD xx

  • ha tadaw.yes its a slow process,the mind is fragile at this stage,but with help, care,treatment,she will come ot of it,stronger and wiser,ive been there,bernicexx

  • Hi Jane try and stay strong for your poor daughter and lovely grandchildren, this mean also looking after yourself I cannot imagine what you as a family are going through but I am sending big (((((hugggggs)))))) and prayers for you all.

    polly xx

  • Hope you are feeling better this morning Jane and you are able to see life and the solutions in a different light today.

    I do hope things work out in the right way for your daughter and she gets the best care to help her through this patch.

    Those kids are going to keep you occupied and perhaps entertained too, even though I am thinking it will be exhausting but I am also thinking you are strong enough to deal with it all in the very best way you can.

    Keep off the cigs and well done for keeping smoke free.

    Wishing you a day where all things go smoothly and in the best way for all concerned.

    Best wishes BC

  • My thoughts are with you, and do hope all gets better soon. Lots of friends on here to talk to, please don't despair.

  • Oh longlungs, I feel for you. It is so hard but things tend to improve slowly. We went there and back again with my youngest daughter - hence we are bringing up our little granddaughter. It is painful way beyond and I felt helpless against her demons but we have come through much of it eventually. We have no idea what life will throw at us but we look forward to the future doing what we can. You will cope somehow but you will not know how because you will look into the eyes of the children. I wish all luck and love for your new journey. Alison

  • Oh longsie, I've been too busy to get on here, ciggie will only put up a smoke screen for a while , and the distress is still the same, but with an added dose of disappointment. I'll try and get back on tonight, but I am thinking of you, and if you have a god I'm praying to him fir you and your daughter. Hugs to you xxxxxxx

    By the way I'm finding it hard, that's why I'm so busy at the moment, so with you sister on this one x x xx

  • Hi Jane hope your feeling better today and your daughter and grandkids are coping too xxx

  • Hi Jane, Sorry didn't read your post till just do hope things have improved,and you are managing,and not turned to the cigs, It really does not help any you only think that it does, You both must be so worried about your daughter I can understand your breathing being laboured, our children mean everything to us we would rather feel their pain than them, Chin up be strong for the little ones, knowing you have many friends here who you can speak too, Thimking of you all, Heather.XX

  • Jane. You. Poor lady sounds. Like you are going though it. But. Just stay strong. Having a cig will make it worse. You have. Breathing probs. Then. That's going. To make ya life. Hard. Yes. How. Will making it harder help. Please hang I. There. I know it's. Hard. If. You. Don t then. You will get. Make life. Harder. You can you will.youdid will. Succeed get over this. And you will. And you r be. So. Strong and fill that. You are in control not. Silly. Weed that when you think about is. Crazy. Put. A. Little. White stick. Light it up. And inhale it's. So. Silly. Somthink. We. Start when we don t. Know better teens ?? Well my girl. Keep. Going. Stay strong. Bye. Paul

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