I have always believed that I had a Guardian Angel but I'm wondering if he is turning his face away from me.
I was discharged from Royal Cornwall Hospital Treliske, in Truro, after three weeks of fantastic treatment. I was admitted (ambulance case) with severely compromised breathing in the early hours of a Wednesday morning. I had lots of tests and two CT scans which showed that I had two further DVTs and muliple PEs. Three of the lobes of my lungs had masses of blood clots and having only four lobes (one having been removed because I had lung cancer) that left only one lobe working!!! Scary is not the word!!
Everyone in Treliske was wonderful and they deduced from the scans and tests I had that the Warfarin I was taking was not doing the job. After my three weeks in Treliske I was discharged with a supply of Dalteparin which I inject each day and it seems to be working. My breathing, although still compromised, is getting better.
Some of you know that my son, David, was diagnosed last September with bowel cancer and had an operation to remove the cancer (and then a second op because something has been left in him). He then had six months of chemotherapy and today he had a further operation to repair his bowel. He was the first patient on the Surgeon's list this morning but, as of now (8.30pm) he is still in recovery. The Bristol Royal Infirmary has assured me that his operation was a success and that the only reason he is not on a ward is because there is no bed for him. I am still a bit worried though. Because of my breathing I haven't been able to go to Bristol to be with him but his father has gone up to stay until he (David) is back on his feet.
So far, things sound good. My breathing is getting better by the day an David has at last arrived (hopefully) at the end of his treatment.
But - there always seems to be a 'but' ......!!!!
On 23 August I had a text from my sister (Catherine - she is eight years younger than I am) to say that she had been diagnosed with Bulbar Paralysis which is a Motor Neuron Disease. She did not telephone me because her speech is already almost unintelligible.
Yesterday, she saw some medical people about the MND and they told her that she has 18 months to 3 years to live. They also told her how the disease will progress. I looked up Bulbar Paralysis on the computer and was horrified by what I read. I can't believe that my little sister is about to go through hell and then die.
I live in Cornwall and Catherine lives a few miles north of Edinburgh.
I can't go to see my son and I can't go to see my sister and I feel really bad about that.
The last four years have been truly awful and I'm finding it difficult to find any good things in my life the moment.
Annec
xxxxx
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Oh Annec I am so so sorry to hear your news about your sister, I can only hope that you will recover well and in good speed so that you can go visit with her soon. I am wishing for you good improvement day by day and the same for your son David.
Sending you, your sister and son lots of feeling better wishes.
Hugs n Love BC xox
PS this is a website (link below) that I found very helpful when I was at an all time low, the videos are what I found very healing, Just click on the 'Inspiring video tab' as you wish.
Oh Annec how much do some people have to cope with ,i was wondering what had happened to you but you are like myself a very strong person and seem to take everything that is thrown at you ,because you have to take care and a big hug lots of love Dorothy xxxxxx
So sorry to read your post Annec, even though you're so ill yourself it can be even worse worrying about your loved ones. I so wish I had something to say that would give you some comfort. Will be thinking of you, please keep us up to date. I hope things continue well for David and you continue to improve and I hope more than anything that Catherine is well looked after and her distress kept to a minimum by her doctors. A heartbreaking post. I so wish there was something I could do. Sadie xx
My problems seem to be very small problems at the moment. You have said something which helps me. My boy is on the mend - he has texted me with his moans so he must be on the mend.
Love and hugs and thank you so much for being kind.
Oh! Annec something made me come on the site just now after so long not being on it, now I know why.You gave me hope and I am still fighting, so please keep fighting.My heart goes out to you and your son.Genexxxx
I will always fight - I tend to be a bit bloody mined. One thing I have learned from this is that my problems pale into insignificance compared to Catherine's problems. She seems to be dealing with things better than everyone else.
David is now moaning and anxious to leave hospital so I think that he is on the mend.
Hi! Annec, I am so glad that you and your son sound so much more positive and I hope and pray for Catherine.Will be thinking of all three of you, sending loads of love energy to you to help you keep up the fight.Big cuddles Genexxxxx
Hi annec I'm so sorry about Catherine being diagnosed with MND, I'm sure David will make a speedy recovery if he's anything like his Mother then the two of you can visit Catherine, Me and Frans thoughts are with you David and Catherine. Matt
David is on the mend - he has been texting me his moans!!! When he is out of hospital and recovering well I think that we will both fly to Edinburgh to see Catherine. We have never really been a 'cuddly' family but I think we will be from now on.
Thank you for your lovely message.
Love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
So sorry to hear to read your post, annec. Life can throw everything sad at you. All I can say that I am thinking about you, and hope that you will have the strength to deal with all of this. Remember we are all thinking about you- love annieseedx
Thank you for your message. I know that you have your own problems to deal with. I really appreciate that you and Brian are thinking of me. If I could wave a wand and fix things then I would do it and fix everyone's problems.
Thank you. I really appreciate your hugs (even though they are virtual hugs) and your prayers. My sister, Catherine, seems to be coping better than we (her sister, brother, son etc) are.
I will hold tight.
Lots of love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
Dear Annec,oh the pain you must be going through,so sorry about your sister,no wonder you feel your guardian angel has deserted you,but I'm sure he is there still,just harder to find!
Life just isint fair at times,try & look after yourself,my love & prayers go to you,& your sister,
I can't believe that I'm having messages all the way from Australia!!! You're a star - you're sending me kind thoughts when you have your own problems.
If everyone in the world were as kind as everyone on this site is then the world wouldn't seem quite so bad.
Thank you Bobby - I think I might be in love with you. I think my boy is about to do his first poop in a year!!! I'm sure that you wanted to know that. After reading all of these messages I cried - a lot. I think that I needed to cry. I expect that you were brought up the same way as I was - 'don't show your feelings'.
There's a prayer or a parable about footprints on the sand, sure you'll know it annec, hope it's a comfort to you ( it has been for me in the hard times ) x x x
one nite I had a dream, I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the lord ;and across the sky flashed scenes from my life,for each scene I noticed 2 sets of prints,.in the sand,1 was mine the other the lords,then the latest scene of my life flashed b 4 me.this happened wen I was at lowest point in my life only 1 set of prints/this bothered me so I asked the lord I don't understand why/lord said my precious child /I love u I wud never leave u/wen u saw 1 set of prints I carried u ,.I myself blve he walks with us and will not forget us,all of us,
hi meadow,thats for all the ppl all over ones we no and ones we don't no and ones wehave come to no in our illnesses,1 day at a time we cope ,our strength bonds us as 1,
Thank you very much for thinking of me. I'd like to say that I'm a strong person but I don't think that I am. I do, however, try to accept with whatever comes my way.
oh Annec, this is so sad for you. I'm deply sorry to hear about your sister and hope she has loved ones nearby to support her. And I hope you do too, you really need some TLC yourself. All the very best warm wishes to you, your sister and your sons speedy recovery hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx peeg
Thank you for your message. Catherine has a lot of people who care for her - Peter, her husband, Jaimie, her son, Nicola, her daugher in law and her very beautiful granddaughters Emma and Gracie. I love her too even though she is better looking than me!!! My boy seems to be recovering well - he's already moaning about being in hospital.
Hi Annec, it's really good to know that she has lovely people in her life.
I'm still reeling a bit from reading that post about families & offspring being unsupportive.
It's hard to constantly keep your pecker up when facing ill health alone.
Great too that your son is moaning! Hope you're feeling less sad & helpless for your sister, I'm really sure it helps her to have you & your love in her life. Sisters, you have a deep bond. I have two and they're only 150 miles away.
xxxxx peeg
Oh that is just awful - I can only I
imagine what you are going through.
I am glad to hear your breathing is better and you are improving. So pleased to hear David's op has been a success and that his dad has gone to support him.
You need to look after yourself. One way you could support Catherine could be to send her a card or a little letter or email every few days so that she knows you are thinking about her. It may help you to do something proactive. Life can be so cruel. Keep looking for your guardian angel he won't far away! With much love, kind wishes and peace TAD x x x
I have been -e-mailing and texting Catherine and hope to be able to go up to Scotland soon to see her.
My breathing is getting better by the day and I did think of asking my GP, when I see him on Friday, for some magic medicine which would carry me through a flight or drive to Scotland, giving my sister a hug and flying or driving back to Cornwall. I think maybe he'll tell me to b*gg*r off.
Hi Annec so good to hear things are improving a little for you and your son and it will do your heart good to see your sister in Scotland and hers too. Maybe the train is a better option at least you can get up and walk around on the train to avoid getting any more DVT. You gotta look after yourself well Annec, keep on feeling better and David too.
In the scheme of things, I suppose that my problems are really small but they affect people I love very much. Thank you for your message - I really appreciate it.
Aww Annac my heart goes out to you. Once you get a call fro your hubby to say that your son is back in a ward you will relax and things will start to look better. You have an angel by your side we all do. Call on them to help you out. I will keep you in my prayers and I'm sending you strengthening hugs, positive vibes and love.
I think my guaridan angel is a composition of all the people who have sent me all these wonderful messages here. You will never know how much all these messages have helped me.
Hi Annec..sharing your worries with us signifies your faith in relationships! Faith is conviction, so you must be convinced that everything will turn out for the better! Undue worries, i am afraid, have nothing good to offer, so be convinced that your guardian angel has not abandoned you and that together you will overcome the current challenges and what is best would prevail. I am very touched by the fact the fact that in spite of your conditions you are concerned for others.. I am praying that the best prevails for you, Annec and indeed your family.
I know that worrying is a waste of time - it's paying interest on tomorrow's sorrows which may not come. (I hope you know what I mean because I'm not sure that I phrased that in the correct way). I don't mean to be a 'drama queen' but I would give my life for my son. I'm sure that what is meant to be will be.
If the 1955 in your name is the year that you were born then you are the same age as Catherine. I'm trying to accept what has happened and I'm doing my best to cope with it. I just watched a programme that I recorded last night about 9/11 - the destruction of the twin towers in America. It puts my problems into perspective. So much pain and grief to all the American people. In a way, I am lucky. My son is loved, my lovely sister is loved and I too am loved. I expect that I'm sounding a bit over the top but I am grateful for what I have.
Love and hugs and best wishes to you and your husband.
I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time at the moment. When you feel better and your son has recovered perhaps you could visit your sister. I will pray for you. Take care
Thank you for your good wishes. There are people (probably on this site) who have gone though a lot more than I'm going through at the moment. I'm getting a bit more on an even keel at the moment and trying to accept what is happening.
Your prayers are doing the trick!! I'm feeling somewhat better and on the way to accepting. I do appreicate your message. Thank you so much.
Love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
with everything you are going through and awful shocks, not surprised you feel so sad .... sounds like you count your blessings in life and please don't stop counting them now ... some blessings are still with you ... from your own hospital treatment to your husband being able to go to your son, to the fantastic help for your son. Hope you get some comfort andsupport through all this. x
I am an optimistic person in the main but I'm finding it hard to cope with what is happening.
My son is being well looked after, my sister has a family who love her and will support her and I have to agree with you that I have a lot of good things in my life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your son my brother has just gone through the same thing, has your sister and son got a pc if so Skype is a fantastic tool and it's free that way you can keep in touch with your sister and son.
My newphew (Catherine's son) said that he was trying to talk his mother into doing the Skype thing. Catherine and I have no idea what he is talking about!!!!
I'm in constant contact with David (my son) - he texted me not long ago to say that he is about to produce his first poop in a year!!!!
Catherine and I e-mail and text so I am grateful to technology.
Thank you for your message - I am now going to try to find out what Skype is.
It seems, nowadays, that most people do not believe in God but I do but I have to admit that my faith is being tested. I need my faith - it has managed to get me through lots of things.
Sometimes, I wish that I could go to sleep and never wake up - my problems would then be at an end. The problems of my loved ones would not be solved unfortunately. So, I think that the best thing is to hang on in and pray that things turn out well. As they say, "if you are going throw hell, then keep going".
Warm hugs back Annec and yes, you just keep hanging in there.
Not a lot else you can do with such a tszunami of troubles swirling all around you, but personaly I've realised that God still supports me even when I'm not speaking to him, we're never as alone as we tend to think we are. Faith is your lifeline tho; its hard to believe when your not very well yourself but then I think you already know this. God Bless
Catherine seems to be coping with things better than anyone else!! I never thought that she was an 'accepting' person but I seem to be wrong.
When Catherine arrived I was 8 years old and I hated her - she was blonde and beautiful. Childhood jealousy which is now long gone. I won't give up hope though - if medical research doesn't manage to help her then perhaps it will help other people.
With all that's going on in your life it's not surprising you are feeling so low, I am sure you will find the strength to get through this sad time and maybe get a chance to go and see your sister soon, when your health improves a little. My heart goes out to you.
I would just like to add my good wishes for you, your son and your sister - they say that God never sends us anything more than we can handle, and I know I've been on my knees a few times and wondered if I could ever get up again, but I have, so please keep on fighting and keep faith - I hope that all the lovely thoughts and wishes for you and family will help.
You are a lovely person and true inspiration to all. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope that everything will be better soon.
Love and big big hugs back.
Pauline
xxxxx
you are in my thoughts annec, and I do hope things get better for you, I feel very sad for you, but I am sure we do have guardian angels, and they show up in one way or another, try to stay strong. If thoughts can help,you then you have lots on here. Stay strong.
Thank you for your really kind words. I think that whatever happens to us we almost always try to get on with things. Sometimes I have thought that "this is more than I can cope with" but I have always managed to cope.
I always try to see something good in everything that happens - it's just that I cannot see any good in my sister dying in such an awful way. Having said that, most of Catherine's friends and all of her family have come together to support her. Her illness will make her realise how loved she is.
hi Annec omg what a catologue of sadnesses you are dealing with .you wouldnt be normal if you didnt feel the way you do,perhaps having shared with all these kind positive people here just might help to lessen this load on your back!We cant change what is,we can take it one day at a time getting through it the best we can.You sound like a strong caring lady i read someone suggesting skype this sounds good as far as contact with your sister is concerned.David sounds like he has now broken the back of his problems and hopefully will now go from strength to strength with his recovery. Take time to care for yourself and build your strength you will get there.my thoughts are so with you.xxx Jane
I read somewhere "Things will be alright in the end. If things aren't alright then you're not at the end." Everything comes to an end at some time. Everyone on here has helped me so much.
I am very lucky in that I have my husband and my son and my faith. I know that some do not believe but I do - my faith is being tested at the moment but my belief helps me so much. I do understand that what is happening to me at the moment is 'small beer' compared to what is happening to others and I hope that those who need it have some comfort. Thank you for your message.
God less I hope you feel better soon and can visit your sister and you son is out of hospital soon and has finished his treat. Easy for us to say and hard to do but try and stay strong.
You have made things better for me. Knowing that you care about what is happening to me helps a lot. Everyone here is so kind and all the messages I have received have helped me so much.
Oh dear Anne it never rains but it pours doesn't it? I am so sorry to hear about your son but its good news that he is on the mend hopefully. And now the news about your sister. You must be feeling terrible right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers love. Try and stay strong. (((((((((Anne)))))))
Aaaaah! Please call out again to your gaurdian angel, and to God too, all is not lost,
I was fifty per cent 'gone' in the hospital, the dqoctors didq not think I wouldq make it throughthe night, I prayed, andmy guardian angel came and sqaved me, I owe my life to her, or to God himself, am having a hard and painful time, but,,,,,, I am alive.
I'm sorry that you had such a bad illness that your doctors didn't think that you would survive the night. I'm pleased that you did. It must be so very difficult for you to live with pain all the time but I hope that it is not permanent and that you are pain-free soon.
I haven't read any of the replies to your words, I just know that they will have been sending their hopes and their prayers and good wishes to you. Any words of mine would only say the same but the fact that people really care for you will, I hope, let you be aware that a lot of us who are sending their loving support are actually hurting for you and wishing they could do more, alas we can't, but we can let you know we are thinking of you. Bless you and your family. Brenda (who now only has her husband to think about as all her family have gone) x
Well Annec there is nothing in the world I can say to make your situation go away. Your challenges are beyond my ken. the enormity of the path you have to travel seems insurmountable but, like you I always have a but. SKPE is a good way of keeping in touch with family. almost like having them in the same room You have the technology so set up the system.
I suffer from another un related illness to COPD and the motto for our group is 'One Day at a Time 'I can manage to handle small things one day at a time. And I don't let dismal reflections live in my head rent free. I write a gratitude list. Right now yours will seem very small but try it you will be surprised.
Your guardian angel hasn't gone away They are not above you they are carrying you. So relax in the arms of the God of your understanding and this too will pass.
I hope I have not been patronising. My intention is to give you Anne warm prayers from my heart
No, I don't think you are being patronising at all - I don't know why you would think that.
I find it difficult to motivate myself. I'll borrow your motto if you don't mind and even if I only manage a couple of things each day then that will be start. I think I'll pinch your gratitude list too - I have a lot to be grateful for. Today, one of my very good friends came visiting with cuddles and a lovely bunch of flowers for me. She stayed for about three hours and we talked about sad things and happy things and we laughed together.
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I am a wife of a COPD sufferer
Trouble with inhalers 
having a flare up of my Bronchiectasis
My cats treats for me
