The Results.: Hi all I have had the... - British Lung Foun...

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The Results.

Quintus
Quintus
10 Replies

Hi all

I have had the results of my brothers post mortem, he died of ischaemic Heart Disease, which was more a result of his diet and smoking, than his alcoholic lifestyle. Please anyone out there who still smokes, please try to stop, it has the biggest chance of killing than anything else.. I have severe cpod through smoking and have to learn the lesson the hard way. The funeral is next week and I am finding this hard as I have had to organise this on my own. I still have not come to terms with never seeing and talking to my brother ever again.. My husband is still very unsupportive and I have suggested he doesn't come to the funeral, which was met with a very aggressive response.. All his aggression to me is our past life is my fault for apparently upsetting him. I don't know why he wants to come to the funeral when he openly hated my brother, and could never be civil to him. I feel a mess at the moment and very stressed and am struggling to breathe, which I feel could be stress related.

Love Viv xxxx

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peege

I just wanted to say hello before I fall asleep Quintus.

Will some pursed lip breathing help. I do sympathise.

I'll msg again in the morning. Hope you sleep well xxx

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Not necessarily Quintus. My father died of IS heart disease too. And he never smoked or drank in his life. We were told it was at least partially caused by him lying in bed at the hospital and rarely sitting up. He also had virtually stopped eating as well.

I also have my suspicions that it is something they put on the death certificate if there is no compelling reason they can find for the death.

I posted on your original post about your brother but want to say again how sorry I am that he has died and how gutted you must be feeling. Try to ignore how other family members and your hubby are reacting. You know how you feel and you will do your best for him regardless. I admire that. Your brother is important at the moment - not the rest of your family. I am sure you will do him proud.

Bev xx

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Big love and very best wishes to you, Quintus. It is a hard time with everything happening to you, but I hope life will become easier soon. Love annieseed xx

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cofdrop-UK

Dear Quintus

I am so sorry to hear of your Brother's passing. I am also sad you are receiving no support and are being met with aggression. I too admire you for giving your brother the best you possibly can under these difficult circumstances.

I wish you continued strength Quintus.

With love cx

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Dear Viv, I am feeling for you it must be so hard. I wonder if you phone Age UK and have a chat with them, they will be able to help you organise things concerning the funeral arrangements and help support you in any way they can physically and emotionally. they help from Age 50+ Tell them about your own breathing difficulties too, if they can't help ask do they know who can. The BLF helpline may also be able to advise you further on this.

Try to disregarding anything upsetting coming from your husband at this time. Just tell it like it is, you don't want any added stress, you are finding it difficult coping with the loss of your brother and arranging the funeral etc. Say you need support nothing more than that, if your husband can't give it that's ok, but not ok he is adding to your stress and grief.

Sending you special thoughts to give you some calm, some strength and easy breathing.

all good wishes BC

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knitter

I am sorry you have to face all these problems after your brothers death. I can sympathise My father died in January and as the only child I had all the paper work to do, funeral to arrange, will to sort, phone calls to make etc. My husband refused to stay and help or go the funeral.

Just take reassurance that you did all you could to help your brother, and take care of yourself

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Hope things settle down for you soon.Maybe your husband is feeling a bit guilty,so feel he needs to go to the funeral.

It must feel very lonely for you at the moment,if you have little or no support,now is the time to grieve,&get all the paper work etc.done,then finally find some time for yourself,& spoil yourself a bit.you obivously deserve & need it!

Big hugs,take care of yourself,

Love Wendells xxx

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katieoxo60

Sorry to hear your sad news , these things are never easy to deal with especially with no support.I am sure I read somewhere that BLF has a bereavement help section.Maybe your GP could over some support for your stress especially as it is causing you worsening physical symptoms. You are in my prayers

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Quintus
Quintus
in reply to katieoxo60

Thank you all for your very kind words. My husband today has offered to pay for caterers to provide food for after the funeral. I think he is a bit concerned that I am struggling to breathe and has shown a human side at last. I have all the funeral arrangements in hand and now have to clean the house for all the visitors. I forgot to mention I am also organising an alpaca show with my friend on Saturday, which has been hard work and also quite stressful. I really appreciate all the support all of you have given me over this week, you are the best friends anyone could ask for.

I will be in touch soon.

Love Viv xxx

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katieoxo60

Well viv glad to hear some of the pressure is being taken off your shoulders for the funeral, give you a little time to yourself.Most people would say leave the housework, but I understand how it is.Hope all goes well for you in the coming weeks, thinking of you.

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