Daily Laughter Monday
Welcome to the first edition for a while.
Firstly I want to thank you all for your best wishes which was gratefully received
Today you have a much shorter version than your used to, it is only because I am frightened to fall asleep whilst doing this for you.LOL
Hopefully this will tickle you tonsils and give you a wee chuckle.
Have a happy Monday
A man goes to visit his 85-year old grandpa in the hospital
"How are you grandpa?" He asks
"Feeling fine" says the old man
What's the food like?
"Terrific, wonderful menus"
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you"
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet and that's it. I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge.
"What are you people doing" he says. "I'm told you're giving an 85 year old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes" replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well".
"The chocolate makes him sleep,
and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed".
Eric the Smiling Rooster
Trevor the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilize the pullets' eggs.
Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was Eric, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Eric's bell hadn't rung at all!
Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Eric had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Eric, he entered him into the Fraser Valley Exhibition and Eric became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The Result?
The judges not only awarded Eric the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet surprise as well.
Clearly Eric was a politician in the making: Who else but apolitician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Do you know a Politician called Eric?
Two lions are lying under a tree... A rabbit runs by so fast that none of the two lions are able to react in time to catch it... One lion asks the other: what was that?!!!
Second lion replies: Fast Food!!
A couple is driving down to a holiday destination. While on their way they get into an argument and stopped talking to each other,as they drove further,they pass a few pigs on a farm. The husband points to the pigs & says to his wife "are those relatives of yours?"
The wife promptly replies, "Yes- actually those are my inlaws!!"
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:
______________________________
Dear Mom,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm
not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
________________________________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY -NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!
I am afraid that's it friends
As they say little and often
Hope this dusts away the cobwebs from these chuckle.s
Happy Monday my friends
and Breath Easy and that means better than I
Love to you all
Berwick xxxx
