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    British Lung Foundation
    33,794 members • 41,243 posts

    I don't believe it! Its happened again...I must be the worlds biggest mug!

    Once again I have fitted in with friends who say lets do this together. And they arrange to meet me. Only they don't. Not even a call or text. They just let me down. I then keep ringing up trying to get hold of them. This morning me and a friend arranged to take her dog and mine down to the beach. So I waited. After 30 minutes I rang her (she didn't ring me) - oh can't make it sorry. Another friend said she would be at home this afternoon and to go round for a glass of wine (my wine). She said any problem she would ring me. Been trying to get hold of her for hours. Walked up there and she's not in. I managed to get hold of her and she is in a car on the way to Exeter with another friend! They just don't give me a thought and swan off regardless of arrangements. I am sick of it....

    So I am sat at home on my own and won't see anyone now until tomorrow.

    Sorry for venting but I am so angry!!!

    Bev x

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    47 Replies
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    ((((((Bev)))))) I can't say it's ever happened to me, but it must make you really cross. Never mind, just open that bottle up, and we'll have a good old natter :) Just a small glass for me, thanks :d

    Sandra x x x

    Never happened to you - really? Wow. Must be me then. Am going to drink the ...........wine myself. You can have a large glass if you want :)

    Bev xx

    I had a friend who did this to me a number of times a couple of years ago when she was supposed to be coming to stay for the weekend- she did at least ring at the very last minute with some feeble excuse. After 3 or 4 times I sent her a text and told her what I thought and not to ring me again. Shame, as we'd been friends since junior school but don't regret it, makes you feel as though you just don't count. Cheer up, am posting a pretty picture for you in a minute! Libby xx

    Hey Bev, don't forget me, I like my wine chilled whatever colour it is.

    Take care

    Peta

    Glass for Peta.. :p

    bev x

    Nah, it's not you Bev, it's those idiots for not realising what a gem of a friend you are! Treasure your friendship :) Okay, make mine a large one .... :d

    Sandra x x x

    Ha ha Sandra - a large one is yours my love. You are right - I am a gem but maybe with a flawed centre....would love to be a diamond but more like cubic zirconia. Not the real thing :(

    You are a very good friend. But we had better not meet up just in case :d

    Bev xx

    We are here for you. Xx

    Glad someone is chell! Has it ever happened to you?

    Bev x

    I have had friends forget about me. Not nice xx

    Oh dear Bev,I do feel for you,you sound so miserable,big hugs to you.

    Maybe you should let them know,you do take there 'dates' seriously,& plan things around it,& you'd like to be told,if there's a change of plans.I don't think there's anything wrong with that.Some people you just need to be blunt with,if they take offence

    Woops,my blo... Post,disappeared before I finished lol!! Had this problem before.

    Anyway, I've been trying to read posts,but not replying as to tired.

    Harry's home,which is great,but a tad stressful!! I had to come down with an awful lung infection,the day he came home,& still feel a bit wobbly,why oh why,that didint happen,whilst he was in hospital? Lol!!

    Lots of love,

    Wendells xxxx

    Have said this but then I get - well something unexpected came up and I couldn't ring you. Or I forgot me and hubby, brother, sister etc. have to go shopping. I am not a clingy person but I am polite and let others know in good time if I have to break an arrangement.

    Bev x

    If they are good, true friends it shouldn't happen - I should find some new friends.

    Lib

    My thoughts exactly Lib :) I must pick my friends really well. Never been treated like that by any of my friends. Bad form, I say.

    Sandra x x x

    Lol And I hope you never are. Very bad form.

    Bev x

    It says much more about them than it does about you Bev - chin up girl - you have us lot :) xx

    1 like

    Yeah I know but thanks scrobs. It looks like my cyber friends are more considerate than my real time friends! I had better not meet any of you because maybe you wouldn't like me as much!! :d

    Bev x

    Ahem.... saving up my pennies for next year, Bev... just reminding you LOL :)

    Sandra x x x

    You are welcome anytime sweetie. Haven't forgotten :)

    Bev x

    Dont let your confidence be affected, hypercat!! You are as good as the next one. By the fact that you have had the courage to unload your feelings this afternoon, shows that you have a good personality. Believe in yourself: you just dont know what is around the corner. What you need to do is to get out of the house for whatever reason. Interest groups are a good idea.

    You get to know people over the months Bev. The personality always comes through. In fact I met my wife in a chat room and it was 18 months before we met in real life. But we both knew. We have been together 10 years now and married for seven so there is hope for you yet.

    Bobby xxx

    Yep, she's doomed alright. lol

    xxxxx

    Yeah I know I should Libby. Not sure which is worse - friends who .... on me or being lonely. These 2 friends (and the one my friend went off in the car with) are ones I made 16/17 years ago when I moved to Torquay. We have shared so much over the years and all know each other so well. We used to be really close. But their lives seemed to have moved on. One of them is preggers at the age of 44 and is very loved up with new fella. When I with her she is brilliant and says she needs support at the moment and when the baby is born she would love my company and help. The other one and her hubby are retired and are always going on holiday - about once a month. They are both part of the same extended family of kids partners, ex-partners etc. So I would be cutting myself off from all that. We did spend several hours together yesterday just chilling out in local pub which was great. It's like my company is great once in a while but not too much anymore. Their families always take precedence over friends (which is how it should be) but friends always seem to be bottom of their list. Maybe its time for me to move on but that's very difficult as I am on my own - no partner, no kids and no job. I do have 2 other long term very good friends who don't think like that but they have both moved away. I do have other people who are in the process of becoming good friends but they are either working a lot or have

    younger children so they don't have much time for me which I do understand. But I still feel isolated and lonely. Don't know what to do really. Its all very difficult. What do people think? Should I downgrade the ones who let me down to 'casual friends'? ie ones I see as and when?

    Bev x

    Bev, I found myself sadly lacking in friends about 6 months after having to give up work, people just drift away, a lot of healthy people do not understand illness/disability, I think some got fed of me actually cancelling because I just didn't feel up to going wherever. Is it possible you can do a bit of volunteer work a few hours a week where you might get to meet people? I spend the majority of my time on my own and sometimes it can be horrible but have accepted it now, I've always been fairly happy in my own company, at least there's no arguing, not much anyway! I'd say don't be hasty and cut your nose off to spite your face, like me. Libby xx

    1 like

    Yeah I know what you mean Libby. Thinking of doing volunteer work at moment. Just not sure where. I understand what you mean about work friends etc. But whats upsets me is that these aren't work friends. I thought they were tried and trusted friends. But maybe it is time to move on a bit anyway. I do spread my net quite wide and have lots of casual friends and drinking friends etc. But they are not at the level of going out with. But if they are where I am thats great. Sometimes I wish I was an island. Like the old great Simon and Garfunkel song... lol

    Bev xx

    I'm still in regular contact with friends I made at Uni. But we're no where near as close as we used to be before marriage and families. People do change with their added responsibilities of family life.

    What about the club you go to, Bev? There must be singletons attending it too, so you're just going to have to mingle more! Sounding like mission impossible?

    Your challenge, should you accept it, is to find singletons like yourself, in your area! This message will self destruct in 5 seconds LOL :)

    Sandra x x x

    Lol Sandra. Just spoke to friend who let me down this morning. She went round to friend who cleared off in car too and she was hacked off as well! Anyway the club has a writers group tomorrow afternoon and she loves the idea of that so we are both going. I said if she couldn't make it could she ring please! :d

    Bev x

    Just being nosey Bev. Do you do any writing at the moment?

    Bobby xxx

    Not like us fellas hey girls,we'd never let you down ;) ;) LOL

    This is a joke by the way,before you all come and hunt me down :) :) :)

    1 like

    I have only three male friends Bev, but they are of 50 years standing. True and faithful friends through thick and thin. And there have been lots of thin times. To balance that I have lots of acquaintances, sort of semi-friends. And then I have my friends on here and on another site, good friends. I hope your friends finally remember you and when they do, stand the buggers up!

    Love from Bobby xxxxx

    Lol Bobby. My oldest friend is of 30 years standing - not bad hey. She is one of the ones who live elsewhere. I have different levels of friends like you do. I think that's healthy don't you? My best friend who I spent a lot of time with moved away 4 years ago and I really miss her. But she is supposed to be coming down to Torquay soon. That will be great.

    Bev xx

    I think a good mix is healthy Bev. When your friend comes down paint the town red.

    Bobby xxx

    Sorry to hear about your so good friends yes it does hurt when they don't turn up, I've just lost a good friend of 55 years to cancer she loved coming an staying with us we live in Devon an she lived in Essex we went to her funeral a few weeks ago we will miss her, perhaps there is a club near you that you could join an make new friends lol xx Bliss xx

    Oh sorry to hear that Bliss. That is so awful isn't it? But I noticed you said 'we' so at least you have someone very close to share your life with. I don't even have that..

    Bev x

    Yes I have a husband it's our golden wedding in Sept, try to make new friends have you any clubs near you xx

    I'm sorry you are being let down so much Bev. I agree with others that you need to get a bigger circle of friends so that you are not relying on these individuals. How about going to classes or joining some sort of group?

    Lynne xx

    Thanks for your reply Lynne. I do go out 3 times a week - twice to darts and once with friends. I did think of going to some classes but its quite difficult. Firstly there are very few within my area and it would mean travellng quite a way, second If I get a job I would have to leave, third even though I am on benefits I still have to pay quite a lot for them. All this puts me off. I have joined an over 55's group which i go to. But they all seem to be older than me by 10-20 years which doesn't mean they couldn't be friends. Some of them seem very reactionary - I was playing scrabble and heard some of the art work women slagging off those on benefits. This is a very conservative area and many react like that. Still I will plod on. Thanks for your advice.

    Bev x

    Hi Bev, sounds like you are describing the area in which I live (Somerset/Dorset border) have you thought about doing some volunteering, a lot of them will gladly collect you if it difficult to get somewhere. In our local paper there is a whole page asking for volunteers for various things not just charity shops. Good luck in your search.

    Good luck to you Bev and hope you get to do some voluntary work. You live in such a lovely part of the country so surely there are some lovely people around who would like to be your friend. I sometimes think "friends" don't always realise how hurt they make others feel by their uncaring actions and I bet you are there for them when they need you. I do wish you well and hope things improve. Thinking of you and take care. xxxxxxx

    Thank you sassy. There are some great people here but the nicest ones are always in most demand.

    bev x

    I feel for you Bev. A wise woman told me a long time ago that people treat us as we allow them to. In this case I think you should set some ground rules and let people know when they have upset you. If this does not work - they are not real friends. xx

    1 like

    You right thanks Toci.

    Bev x

    You right thanks Toci.

    Bev x

    Hi, just to say where I live there are lots of classes run by the local college and they are free for people on benefits...is there something similar in your area..they start again in September. Have you got a Breathe Easy group near?

    Not here knitter. Not near and certainly not free! Going to next Breathe Easy group a week today. Its only once a month.

    Bev x

    Sorry to hear about people letting you down Bev. I cannot add much to the excellent advice offered except that true friends are precious and would not let you down in the way you have been treated. I can count my true friends on fingers exc. thumbs, other friends numerous, but only rely on my real friends. Appreciate it is difficult but is surely

    worth the effort. Try not to worry as these important things take time. At least you have

    us lot to vent your feelings - at least we listen. Take good care of yourself.....Adrian

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