Contribution from Mr. John Cleese

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>ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE

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> From JOHN CLEESE

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> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in

Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning

level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

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> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get

the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last

300 years.

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> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two

higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag

factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

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> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and

Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

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> The

Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two

higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

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> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are

worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels ..

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> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These

beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

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Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:

"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use

of the last final escalation level.

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> Regards,

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> John Cleese,

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> British writer, actor and tall person

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> And as a final

thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.

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10 Replies

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  • ROFLOL yes!!!! Laughing my socks off at that one Wowsa LOL :)

    Sandra x x x

  • Very funny!

  • Wonderful! :-) :-)

  • Great stuff John! Keep it up.

  • Clever stuff!

  • Absolutely brilliant :-)

    xxx

  • Very funny & highly entertaining x

  • Love it, thanks x

  • I laughed too. Scrobbs. Bit breathless. Short person. :) xx

  • LOL - thanks very good xx

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