Any suggestions??

My Mum is only 63 years old and she has COPD, she was diagnosed a good few years back, she has her inhalors etc to take each day. My Mum now lives with me here in Turkey as the warmer climate is nice for her. However my Mum has been in hospital 3 times this year with excarberation attacks and just 2 weeks ago Pleursy. My mum has continued to smoke on and off throughout her original diagnosis. A year ago she had pneumonia in both lungs. Obviously my Mum is not covered by the state health service here so therefore we go private and it can be fairly expensive. The problem that I am having with my Mum is her desire to continue smoking and she is either in denial or just being not wanting to accept that she has COPD and that smoking is destroying her lungs even further. Mum was discharged from hospital one week ago with the promise to myself and her doctor that she would not smoke........ my sister and I caught her having a sly fag the other day and we had it out with Mum, but she just insists that she has COPD but its not caused by smoking. My Mum can still walk and yes she does get breathless but she has deteoriated since her original diagnosis. I just feel so hurt that she continues to smoke when she knows that this is damaging her condition further and also hurting my sister and me. any suggestions on what I can do to help? I am so afraid that we will lose her.

22 Replies

  • Hello Pumpkin

    I bet your Mum knows that the smoking is making her COPD worse. She probably denies it because it is so hard to give up.

    I'm sure that you've tried telling her that you want her to give up smoking because it is making her worse and that you are really afraid that you will lose her.

    This may sound really mean but have you tried telling her that it costs an awful lot of money when she goes into hospital and that perhaps if she gave up the cigs she would not have to go in so often.

    I'm 64 and gave up some years ago but I have to admit that it took me a few months to give it up completely. I gave up with the help of a Nicorette Inhalator a - and I still use it now and again!!

    I'm sure that my lovely friends on this site will come up with something for you.

    I wish you lots of luck.

    Love and hugs



  • I don't know what to advise Pumpkin, I understand how difficult it is for you to watch your Mum smoking knowing she is worsening her lung health, I know there has been bad press about e cigs but I am thinking if it can help her give up tobacco cigs it may well help prolong her lung health, I wonder if she would try them just for you and your sister.

    I am wishing you and your Mum healthier happier days and keeping my fingers crossed for you that you Mum will achieve smoke free.

    Best wishes BC x

  • How much information has she been given on her condition ? Maybe a good idea would be to get some leaflets from BLF on COPD and smoking if they will send them to Turkey if not print off links for her from internet. She is clearly in denial re the effects of smoking and her condition, and its probably taking some time to adjust mentally to the illness, it effects people in different ways. I wish you all the very best in your quest to get her to stop as obviously the sooner the better Best wishes Julie xx

  • I know how your mum feels, I tyred to give up smoking when I was diagnosed with COPD, tyred everything. Just over 13 months ago I found VIP it is a nicotine replacement called vaping, still get the nicotine I crave just not the bad bits, my chest is so much better and my lung capacity has improved lots. My sons were besides themselves with worry about my smoking they tyred everything even bribing me.

    Talk to your mum and try a replacement therapy for starters. Good luck x

  • Hi Pumpkin

    Sometimes Mums and dads won't do something for their own benefit but if they see how much something is hurting their children however old they will find a way !!!!!They still like to treat us as kids even near 50 !!!!(that's on the underside I must point out )!I wonder if you might get the result you want by your mum seeing and talking to you closely about how much worry and sadness you have regarding her smoking.Maybe you can find some fun way to inspire her.....a big fat savings piggy bank for the cigarette money and a planned indulgence as the money tops up! I can hear all the smokers reading this saying well that ain't going to be enough !!!!!if you can inspire her and get her through the tough first stages taking her mind off smoking celebrating each daily success maybe you can get her through.

    It must be "bloomin tough" for a seasoned smoker ......!!!! I am struggling just to give up hob nobs .

    I really hope you can get there x keep strong could you have a gradual count down on the cigs over a short time so she gets more prepared for giving up ?

    Good luck


  • thanks for the support and you made me smile with the hob nobs.

  • Hi.

    I gave up smoking 5 years ago, had to use tablets to do this as my will power was not enough.

    The tablets make it so easy because you carry on smoking whilst taking them, the whole process takes about 5 months. I am 60 now and started smoking at the age of 11, was smoking 40 marlborough a day, so a heavy smoker, but it was so easy to give up using the tablets.

    Good luck with talking her into this, its not going to be easy, all family members kept on at me to give up, it just made me more determined to smoke, it has to come from her.


  • hi Peta, I think you are right the more we push my mum about smoking the more she digs her heels in............ thanks for your support

  • Please don't think this unkindly, but as someone who has newly given up smoking, I can assure you that no emotional blackmail on your part will make her give up smoking. In fact, it had the reversed affect on me. All that the passive bullying, lectures and blackmail did was make me dig my heels in further and carry on smoking.

    I do wish people would understand, nicotine is an addiction, and all addicts have to come to a point where they, themselves, are disgusted by it. When you mum does reach that point, then please, support and encourage her. Until then, respect her choice, but insist your home is smoke free, and tell her you do not wish to be in her presence when she does smoke.

    It didn't work for me, but there is a book, I forget the exact title, by Allan Carr on how to give up smoking the easy way. If you google it, I'm sure you'll find the book I'm meaning. I know it has helped others.

    Sandra x x x

  • thank you for your support xx

  • what stage is ur mum ,

  • 6 or 7 years ago she was diagnosed but i live in turkey and didn't see her doc, apparently she had mild copd but she does have 2 excaberations each year now, she takes 3 inhalors each day. of course when she is hosptialised then she takes lots of meds etc. i'm not really sure what to expect with copd and found this website by chance.

  • think of the inhalers an gong in hoz she has progressed ,has she not had a recent spimetry test,while in hospital there in turkey ,as wen its mild usually just the blue ,what inhalers is she on by name,

  • that is what i thought we have to be hard with her but its very hard and upsetting when u see your mum just detioriating.

  • Hi Pumpkin - How difficult for you. My husband did give up smoking but it has taken him over 10 years to actually admit it might have been the smoking that was a major cause of COPD. I sort of understand what nowheeze says it is an addiction and perhaps she needs help - counselling etc.

    BLF do a very good pack of information about COPD - I wonder if you visit the website if they would send it to you. My husband found it very useful .

    The bottom line is giving up smoking is a must to try and fight this disease. GOOD LUCK. With much love TAD xx

  • thank you x

  • yes, most of us have COPD via smoking, and around 20% of women apparently not according to recent research. Whatever, smoking aggravates poorly lungs. It is very hard to quit as cigarettes actually have a chemical that opens the bronchial tubes so it feels like you can get a better breath ... and also helps aggravate a cough that helps to bring mucus up and out beneficially....that's on top of psychological and emotional addiction. What are your Mum's fears of quitting ... as a smoker trying to quit, I know she will almost certainly have these fears ... may be related to what I say above. maybe to an expected period of sadness as cigs help the happiness zone in the brain, maybe to expectation of extra lung infections that are common on quitting.... I am currently experimenting by cutting number of fags (by half so far) and going a few hours without....all on the road to fully quitting that will not be too traumatic on my lungs. hope this helps ... normally people just say yes quit ... so do I ... important to consider all this too though methinks.

  • thanks for that and i'm going to have a chat with my mum without me being pushy and see what is going on in her head. thanks for your advice and very much appreciated.

  • Hi Pumpkin

    Referring to BlakeyC's comment I switched to E-cigarettes two years ago after being in hospital for four weeks with cellulitis. I haven't had a proper cigarette since. I still use the E-cigarettes and I feel a darn sight better than I did.

    Have a look at I think they do a starter pack for about £20.

    Bobby xx

  • will check this out, thank you

  • i have had copd 5 yrs and smoked up untill 6wks ago. i bought a electronic cig from tesco..i wouldnt start smoking again. ive bin much better. i was taken in to hospital 6wks ago and decided after such gd treatment i got that it was about time i helped myself by stop look 2 ur mum.

  • you sound very positive and good luck to you and well done. x

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