Daily Laughters

This poem was nominated, by United Nations, as the best poem of 2006 was written by an African child

When I born, I black

When I grow up, I black

When I go in Sun, I black

When I scared, I black

When I sick, I black

And when I die, I still black

And you white fellow

When you born, you pink

When you grow up, you white

When you go in sun, you red

When you cold, you blue

When you scared, you yellow

When you sick, you green

And when you die, you gray

And you calling me coloured?

Sheffield Wednesday (English soccer team)

Ash Wednesday (1st Day of Lent)

Wednesday Addams (Addams Family T.V. Programme)

Orange Wednesdays iPhone

A couple of hikers were tramping through the countryside and had lost their way, so by the time they arrived at the "George and Dragon", the village pub where they'd arranged to stay the night, the doors were locked and the owners had gone to bed.

They knocked timidly on the front door and a head appeared at an upstairs window and shouted fiercely, 'Go away. Don't you know what time it is? We're closed,' and the window slammed shut.

Undeterred, the hikers knocked again.

'What is it now?' demanded the head.

'Could we speak to George this time please?' asked on the hikers.

Birthday Boy

A man goes into a fish'n chip shop with a salmon under his arm and asks, 'Do you sell fish cakes here?'

'No,' came the reply.

'Shame, it's his birthday.'

Out of The Mouths............:

Mother: 'Why are you home from school so early?' Son: 'I was the only one who could answer a question.'

Mother: 'Oh, really? What was the question?' Son: 'Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?'

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake.'

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church.

Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. 'You're not supposed to talk out loud in church.' 'Why? Who's going to stop me?' Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, 'See those two men standing by the door?

They're hushers.'

Will confiscated a rubber band pistol from his algebra class pistol, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

Advice From Children

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13.

Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8.

Don't Mess With the Elderly

Myra Rhodes, a little old lady living in Great Baddow, Essex, answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning, Ma'am,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' said Myra brusquely. 'I'm broke and haven't got any money,' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. 'Don't be too hasty,' he commanded. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

'Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'

Myra stepped back and said with a smile, 'Well let me get you a spoon, young man because they cut off my electricity this morning.'

and finally

A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.

Wife: 'What are you doing dear?'

Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'

Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?'

Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone'

Have a great Day

Breath Easy my friends

Berwick

6 Replies

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  • ey up you been at the hyper choky's agen :D

  • Haha they realy cracked me up this morning! realy good I'm still laughing thanks Berwick,keep 'em coming! :D :D :D XXX

  • Absolutely loved the poem and the jokes were cracking - good start to this gloriously sunny day :)

  • Nice one Graeme. I feel a lot better than I did five minutes ago. Have a good day.

    Bobby

  • I liked the poem and yes warm and sunny day here - but will it last, it's the blinking jet stream can't make it's mind up where it wants to be. What about the strawberries.

    Lib x

  • LOL thank you xx

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