God and Grass............................KOTC..............Everyone should read this!

...........................................God and Grass

Needs no comment!!!! It sums us up perfectly.

Ain't it the truth


Conversation between God and St Francis.

It is hilarious because it is so true.

GOD: Frank,you know all about gardens and nature,.What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions.violets,milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had perfect no-maintenance garden plan.Those plants grow in any type of soil,withstand drought and multiply with abandon.The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attract butterflies,honey bees and flocks of songbirds,I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But ,all I see are these green rectangles.

ST FRANCIS; It's the tribes that settled there,Lord.The Suburbanites.They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill the and replace them with grass.

GOD; Grass? But,it's so boring.It's not colourful.It doesn't attract butterflies,birds and bees;only grubs and sod worms.It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST FRANCIS; Apparently so,Lord.They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green.They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD; The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST FRANCIS;Apparently not ,Lord.as soon as it grows a little,they cut it-sometimes twice a week

GOD; They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST FRANCIS;Not exactly,Lord.Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD;They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST FRANCIS;No,Lord.just the opposite.They pay to throw it away.

GOD; Now,let me get this straight.They fertilize grass so it will grow.And when it does grow,they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST FRANCIS ; Yes,Lord.

GOD; These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat.That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST FRANCIS; You aren't going to believe this,Lord.When the grass stops growing so fast,they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it,so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it,

GOD; What nonsence,At least they kept some of the trees.That was a sheer stroke of genius,if I do say so myself.The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.In the autumn,they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes.It's a natural cycle of life.

ST FRANCIS;You better sit down.Lord.The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle,as soon as the leaves fall,they rake them in to great piles and pay to have them hauled away,

GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST FRANCIS; After throwing away the leaves,they go out and buy something which they call mulch.They haul this home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD;And where do they get this mulch?

ST FRANCIS;They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore,St Catherine,you're in charge of the arts.What movie have you scheduled for tonight?

ST CATHERINE; 'Dumb and Dumber',Lord.It's a story about.............

GOD; Never mind.I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis.



Breathe Easy,a sheer stroke of genius.

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32 Replies

  • Oh love it :)

  • I know you love it

  • That is really so perceptive of whoever wrote it in fact it is bloody good :)



  • So very true,isn't it?

  • Excellent as always Richard


  • I can just imagine you cutting and baging

  • No no Richard. This is what wives are for. lol


  • I didn't like to say that just before fathers day

  • Chicken


  • YEP!

  • Like it :)

    Bev x

  • I laughed for ages

  • Thank Richard, I needed that :D

    Karen xxxx

  • You are more than welcome

  • Great.

    Gonna cut the lawn in the morning, its full of daisies.....................

  • Why don't you make some daisy chains instead

  • It seems as though were all just a little bit crazy with our gardens dun' it. Best dig it all up and plant some spuds eh'. You know it makes sense King.

    What would you say now, something like, Best go and dig up some fun down at your local Breathe Easy.

    Tony :)

  • That's the idea

  • Fabulous! glad I've got spuds growing everywhere! :D X

  • I have got the origonal lawn,dandellions,daisies etc

  • How so true,good one,I enjoyed it xxx

  • Weare stupid in our gardens,aren't we?

  • :)))))))))))) laughing with my daughter .

  • I don't have weeds.I have dandelions,daisies good old fashioned flowers

  • My husband has just from in from cutting the lawn, with son in law, and laughed. He is making the most of this week before chemo, which he is taking well, DV, touch wood and all the rest.

  • I wish him well.Tell him he can always call the lawn a meadow!!

  • Grand slam. Genius who ever thought up that one. And very true.

  • Was it from the voice from above? Who knows?

  • Grand slam. Genius who ever thought up that one. And very true.

  • Loved it thanks best today x

  • Thank you undine.I roared with laughter when I first read it.But it is so true of Suburbanites

  • Superb!

    The definition of a weed is something that grows somewhere you didn't plant it . . . suits me just fine lol!


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