Daily Laughter

Please note if you are easily offended do not read

The Perfect Son.

A: I have the perfect son.

B: Does he smoke?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he drink whiskey?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: Does he ever come home late?

A: No, he doesn't.

B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.

A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

A magician was driving down the road..then he turned into a drive way...

Why don't aliens eat clowns.

Because they taste funny.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

el-if-i-no

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, on of the muffins says:

"Man it's hot in here!!!!"

The other muffin exclaims,

"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

When a Woman Loves!

When a woman loves you, you are a husband

When a few women love you, you are a man

When many women love you, you are a lover

When hundreds of women love you, you are an idol

When thousands of women love you, you are a leader

But,

When all the women in the world love you, you are not human… You are a diamond, gold, a rupee, a dollar, a euro, or a yen..

5 facts about You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You

1) Ur so lazy u didn’t read all the You’s

2) U didn’t notice I put a Yoo

3) U r now looking to find out

4) U r laughing coz u realize there is no Yoo and u r tricked:D

5) U r going to send to others who r “like YOU

13 Replies

oldestnewest
  • You tricked me ! :)

  • Me I dont know what your talking about he he.xx

  • Haha Berwick! realy funny,you got me there,I think you are a Diamond all right! thank you I had a good laugh! xxxx

  • At least I have one person smiling today, cannot be that bad. glad you enjoyed and had a good laugh. xxxx

  • there are two smiley people in our house, and that's no mean feat this early in the morning. Unlike Tomcat your jokes were all new to us, and we go back a long way. Thank you berwick, a great way to start the day :)

  • Pretty old jokes, but still funny.

  • Thanks for the daily tonic berwick.

    Lib x

  • any one heard about the magician who went out with a puff!

  • They were good, and funny, I didn't find them offensive at all, made me smile.(rare these days.),thank you.

  • Nice to wake up to some smiles :) Thank you

  • Thanks Berwick, love your jokes.

  • Good thank you x

  • Don't give up the day job Berwick! Very good :)

    Bev x

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