smile don't frown it is easier on the face muscles xx

Only in Britain -Complaints to the Council

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23 Replies

  • See, what a tonic - 17 muscles used to optimum capacity, measely calories used - most exc ellent :D :D

  • ROFLOL ..... Thanks Jandan, still ROFLOL :)

    Sandra x x x

  • Enjoyed that, very clever and funny. I am passing it around. Thanks, Jandan xx

  • SO funny loved them xxx

  • They just keep getting better

  • Very funny.loved them

    Lynne xx

  • Those are absolutely HILARIOUS!!!!! :-)

    koala xxx

  • Jan when I got to no15 I nearly choked on my walnut whip! lol all very funny nice one! :) x

  • serves you right for not sharing it

  • yes, but thank goodness no walnut whip was harmed in the process

    (soz hufferpuffer only joking :) )

  • you can pull my leg anytime scrobbitty lol! :D

  • I know I'm such a greedy pig oink oink lol!

  • never ! well maybe on the walnut whip front - just started me dribbling, had forgotten about them- I defected to Frys Chocolate Creams on the grounds that dark chocolate was better for you !

  • Well I have just exercised my face muscles and did 15 minuits on my rowing machine earlier. Think I will count today as an all round good exercise day. Ta for the laugh xxx

  • Oh boy, there are some corkers there!! Txs Jan xxx

  • Great stuff and probably all true as well. I love it.

  • My face muscles have had so much exercise this morning I must be positively beautiful. Keep them coming you lovely people. Love & xxxx's

  • god l so needed that this morning cant breathe now for laughing but worth every effort

  • Brilliant, my breathing just got a whole lot easier, thank you.

  • Wonderful!

    Gina x

  • Was just reading up on lung flutes do not think from the exercise my chest has had with chuckling I would need one now - very good - thank you.

  • Just a footnote I would love to send it on via email to friends but if I try to copy(by right clicking on my computer) I only get the option of copying all which includes everything on the page which I do not necessarily want. Advice please anyone - thank you.

  • sorry should read select all not copy all

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