How do court recorders keep straight faces ???????????????

....How do court recorders keep straight faces?????????????

ATTORNEY :What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said ''Where am I Cathy?''

ATTORNEY And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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A.............. Are you sexually active?

W............. No,I just lie there.

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A.............. How old is your son,the one living with you?

W............. Thirty-eight or thirty- five.I can't remember which.

A.............. And how long has he lived with you?

W............. Forty-five years.

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A...............This myasthena gravis,does it affect your memory at all?

W..............Yes.

A.............. And in what way does it affect your memory?

W............. I forget.

A.............. You forget?Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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A...............Now doctor,isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,

he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

W.............. Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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A.............. The youngest son,the twenty year old,how old is he?

W..............He's twenty,much like your IQ.

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A ..............Were you present when your picture was taken?

W..............Are you taking the micky?

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A...............So the date of conception(of the baby) was August 8th ?

W..............Yes

A................And what were you doing at that time?

W..............Getting laid.

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A...............She had three childre,right?

W..............Yes

A...............How many were boys?

W..............None

A...............Were there any girls?

W..............Your honour,I think I need a different attorney.Can I get a new attorney?

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A...............How was your first marriage terminated?

W..............By death

A...............And by whose death was it terminated?

W..............Take a guess

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A...............Can you describe the individual?

W..............He was about medium height and had a beard

A...............Was this a male or female?

W..............Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male

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A...............Is your appearnce here this morning pursuant to the

deposition notice I sent to your attorney?

W..............No,this is how i dress when I go to work

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A...............Doctor ,how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people

W..............All of them.The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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A...............ALL your responses MUST be oral OK?. What school did you go to?

W..............Oral.

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A...............Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

W..............The autopsy started around 8.30pm

A...............And Mr ............was dead at the time?

W..............If not,he was by the time I had finished.

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A...............Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

W..............Are you qualified to ask that question?

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and last

ATTORNEY Doctor ,before you performed the autopsy ,did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS No

A........... .Did you check for blood pressure?

W........... .No

A............ .Did you check for breathing?

W........... .No

A............. So,then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

W.............No

A..............How can you be so sure Doctor?

W.............Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

A..............I see,but could the patient have still beem alive,nevertheless?

W.............Yes it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.

******************************************

Richard

BREATHE EASY=FRIENDSHIP

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35 Replies

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  • hahaha - spluttering hot chocolate up my arm !! a lotta laughs tonight, just sent them all to my mum, thanks King

    :) Anna

  • Mind y7our Mum doesn't spill her G&T

  • Very funny. :) X

  • One of the better ones Eh?

  • Made me laugh. I say keep em coming :)

  • So that's another job scratched off the list, no to being a Court Recorder, would be ejected from the court for crying with laughter

  • If you don't look for work you will lose your!!!!!!!!!

  • Oh but I am - I am a trainee chocolate gatherer - seems like nowheeze got in just before me, but I'm training hard nevertheless :)

  • Is that a gathere or an eaterer!

  • Hi KOTC

    Those are so funny.

    I spent my working life in the legal profession and you wouldn't believe what some people come out with.

    Lots of love and hugs

    Annec

    xxxxx

  • You might sasy 'You are legalised!'

  • Hi Richard

    One lady sticks in my mind. She was in Court (goodness knows how many years ago) for a Hearing re her divorce (which the husband was contesting). Her grounds boiled down to 'excessive sexual demands'!!!

    The Judge was being kind to her and she said (in a very very Cornish accent) "You are some good to me, my ansum".

    Annec

    xxxxx

  • No answer to that,is there?

  • At least you don't get asked daft questions like that at Breathe Easy and from supposedly intelligent people too. Ha Ha.

    Very Funny King as usual.

  • Daft questions at Breathe EasySurely,never.?

  • Wow! What a record no.of jokes,enjoyed them all,as usual xxx

  • I thought they were very funny as well

  • I don't know where you dig them up from Richard but those were brilliant. Have a great day.

    Bobby

  • I was in the garden digging away andHey Hey I turned over a load of jokes.HeeHEE

  • Fantastic, I never knew I could laugh so much and I remembered to move the tea away from the laptop. :) :)

  • That's the idea.Full throttle on the laughing

  • Brilliant again, I think these are some of the funniest thanks xx

  • That's very kind of you.More to come

  • so good , as Phillip 1,,mine are mainl said where to get these comical things from, mine are mainly nursing funnies.

    jan

  • Bank deposit box,safe and secure.

  • Can't stop laughing they are all brilliant you bring so much laughter to my day keep up the good work

  • A laugh a day ,helps us all on our way

  • So good I reposted them on facebook hope you dont mind.

  • You have my utmost respect for doing that

  • Always cheers me up ya do Kingy :)

  • Yer made,I be lovin doin that

  • Laughing so much I am crying - thank you.

  • Tears for souveniers

  • LOL! what a great way to start the day :-)

    koala x

  • Thank you for that koala

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