Why is it always me.??????.....Hee HEE

........................................................Why is it always me?

I took my goldfish to the vet

''I think it's got the shakes'' I told the vet

The vet takes a look and told me '' It looks good to me.''

I told him''I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet''


I saw a letter lying on my doormat

It said on the enveloppe ''DO NOT BEND''

I spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick

the bloody thing up.


I shouted frantically into the phone''My wife is pregnant

and her contractions are only two minutes apart!''

The Doctor asked ''Is this her first child''

NO ''I shouted ''This is her husband''


When my dog went missing I was inconsolable.

My wife said ''Why don't you put an advert in the paper?''

I did,but two weeks later the dog was still missing.

''What did you put in the paper?'' my wife asked.

I said''Here boy''


When my brother was in jail the Guard looks in his cell

and sees him hanging by his feet.

''What the hell are you doing?'' he asked

''Hanging myself''

''It should be around your kneck'' said the Guard

''I know'' said my brother''but I couldn't breathe''


An answer I can understand.

An American tourist asked me

''Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?''

What an idiot tourist! Really,surely we all know if they fell forwards,

they'd still be on the bloody boat.


And you all thought I was stupid ! Didn't you?



Don't be inconsolable,just don't forget to go to Breathe Easy

Join on the day or phone03000 030 555 MOn - Fri 10am 6pm for Details about Breathe Easy and the British Lung Foundation

49 Replies


  • I hope the curtains survived!

  • Made me laugh king, thanks for posting

  • My pleasure

  • As usual Richard, loved it. Well done!


  • We've got to make the world a happier place

  • You certainly do your best Richard. There aren't many who try harder.

  • Made me laugh again. loved it thanks xx x xx Julie

  • I'll keep you laughing if I can

  • Cheered me up loads.cheers :)

  • And cheers for that comment

  • A laugh on a dull day, King!!!

  • I try to keep you laughing

  • Well as if by magic you appear and make me laugh, xx you spoiled us tonight with so many

    The one about the letter and the one with the lost dog were my favorites

    :D Anna

  • A magician Eh? sounds good

  • Thanks Kingy, always out to make us smile :) x x x

  • A daily tonic just for you

  • Man on phone to doc made me splutter my tea. I can't read anymore. Running short of oxy masks!!!! :d

    Thanks Tina x

  • A pregnant pause

  • Why is it you - because if it wasn't you, it would be me :)

  • It's just me,just me!

  • Smiling as always,after my brekky read! x

  • A ready breck smile

  • Thank you King :-) Alison

  • I like keeping you happy

  • Now on top of everything else I am coughing and choking with laughter, :) keep it up king xx

  • I don't want to choke you,but I will keep them coming

  • Love it keep'em coming.

  • They're on their way

  • As always, bringing on the smiles. :-) :-)

    polly xx

  • Putting on the laughing, putting on the smiles that is what I like to do

  • Up to standard as usual KOTC, very funny.

    Lib x

  • I will try not to let slip

  • Excellent as ever Richard and the sun is shining here! Uh oh, spoke too soon, clouding up now. Thanks for the laughter. xxxxx :)

  • It has been hissing down in Nottingham,but I'm still smiling

  • Good laugh King, I always look forward to your blogs, keep them coming, it brightens hubby and my day.


  • I'll try to keep you both amused

  • Smiling!! xxx

  • When you're smilng

  • The whole world smiles with you

  • laughter the best medicine - thank you xx

  • Your daily tonic!

  • When your laughing

    When your laughing

    The sun comes shining through

  • Laughed so much I coughed for a 1/2 an hour but it was worth it.

  • Cleared them lungs Eh?

  • Nice one King ha ha xx

  • Thank you.Hee HEE

  • Thanks king, for all the smiles and laughs you bring...;-)

  • You enjoy,I'll keep blogging

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