Why is it always me.??????.....Hee HEE - Lung Conditions C...

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Why is it always me.??????.....Hee HEE

KingoftheCocktails profile image

........................................................Why is it always me?

I took my goldfish to the vet

''I think it's got the shakes'' I told the vet

The vet takes a look and told me '' It looks good to me.''

I told him''I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet''

****************************************************************

I saw a letter lying on my doormat

It said on the enveloppe ''DO NOT BEND''

I spent the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick

the bloody thing up.

****************************************************************

I shouted frantically into the phone''My wife is pregnant

and her contractions are only two minutes apart!''

The Doctor asked ''Is this her first child''

NO ''I shouted ''This is her husband''

****************************************************************

When my dog went missing I was inconsolable.

My wife said ''Why don't you put an advert in the paper?''

I did,but two weeks later the dog was still missing.

''What did you put in the paper?'' my wife asked.

I said''Here boy''

****************************************************************

When my brother was in jail the Guard looks in his cell

and sees him hanging by his feet.

''What the hell are you doing?'' he asked

''Hanging myself''

''It should be around your kneck'' said the Guard

''I know'' said my brother''but I couldn't breathe''

***************************************************************

An answer I can understand.

An American tourist asked me

''Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?''

What an idiot tourist! Really,surely we all know if they fell forwards,

they'd still be on the bloody boat.

***************************************************************

And you all thought I was stupid ! Didn't you?

Richard

BREATHE EASY=FRIENDSHIP

Don't be inconsolable,just don't forget to go to Breathe Easy

Join on the day or phone03000 030 555 MOn - Fri 10am 6pm for Details about Breathe Easy and the British Lung Foundation

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KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails
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49 Replies
newlands profile image
newlands

YES I WAS IRONING MY CURTAINS AND FELL OUT OF THE WINDOW

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to newlands

I hope the curtains survived!

Made me laugh king, thanks for posting

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

My pleasure

phillips1 profile image
phillips1

As usual Richard, loved it. Well done!

Bobby

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to phillips1

We've got to make the world a happier place

phillips1 profile image
phillips1 in reply to KingoftheCocktails

You certainly do your best Richard. There aren't many who try harder.

Made me laugh again. loved it thanks xx x xx Julie

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

I'll keep you laughing if I can

Cheered me up loads.cheers :)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

And cheers for that comment

A laugh on a dull day, King!!!

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

I try to keep you laughing

Well as if by magic you appear and make me laugh, xx you spoiled us tonight with so many

The one about the letter and the one with the lost dog were my favorites

:D Anna

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

A magician Eh? sounds good

Thanks Kingy, always out to make us smile :) x x x

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

A daily tonic just for you

Man on phone to doc made me splutter my tea. I can't read anymore. Running short of oxy masks!!!! :d

Thanks Tina x

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

A pregnant pause

scrobbitty profile image
scrobbitty

Why is it you - because if it wasn't you, it would be me :)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to scrobbitty

It's just me,just me!

Smiling as always,after my brekky read! x

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

A ready breck smile

appyalison profile image
appyalison

Thank you King :-) Alison

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to appyalison

I like keeping you happy

Now on top of everything else I am coughing and choking with laughter, :) keep it up king xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

I don't want to choke you,but I will keep them coming

PompeyBob profile image
PompeyBob

Love it keep'em coming.

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to PompeyBob

They're on their way

pollyjj profile image
pollyjj

As always, bringing on the smiles. :-) :-)

polly xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to pollyjj

Putting on the laughing, putting on the smiles that is what I like to do

libbygood profile image
libbygood

Up to standard as usual KOTC, very funny.

Lib x

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to libbygood

I will try not to let slip

sassy59 profile image
sassy59

Excellent as ever Richard and the sun is shining here! Uh oh, spoke too soon, clouding up now. Thanks for the laughter. xxxxx :)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to sassy59

It has been hissing down in Nottingham,but I'm still smiling

thatcham1939 profile image
thatcham1939

Good laugh King, I always look forward to your blogs, keep them coming, it brightens hubby and my day.

jan

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to thatcham1939

I'll try to keep you both amused

Smiling!! xxx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

When you're smilng

in reply to KingoftheCocktails

The whole world smiles with you

undine profile image
undine

laughter the best medicine - thank you xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to undine

Your daily tonic!

in reply to undine

When your laughing

When your laughing

The sun comes shining through

copdber profile image
copdber

Laughed so much I coughed for a 1/2 an hour but it was worth it.

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to copdber

Cleared them lungs Eh?

Nice one King ha ha xx

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to

Thank you.Hee HEE

Kelda profile image
Kelda

Thanks king, for all the smiles and laughs you bring...;-)

KingoftheCocktails profile image
KingoftheCocktails in reply to Kelda

You enjoy,I'll keep blogging

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