It seems that it is possible to be sad and happy at the same time!

It seems that it is possible to be sad and happy at the same time!

I had some sad/happy news this morning. I have no doubt that I sound like a fruit cake and I don't understand it myself.

Someone I never met died in her sleep last night. She was the (ex) mother-in-law of my best friend, she was a few days short of 90 years and was diagnosed with stomach cancer a few days ago.

Although i never met her, I have been hearing about her for about 40 years and her death has affected me quite a bit.

The sadness comes from knowing that her children and grandchildren have lost someone they care greatly about. The happiness comes from knowing that she died peacefully in her sleep - no pain and no fear. From what I have heard she had had enough and wanted to go.

Yesterday, I felt so good - I still feel good today but it is touched by a bit of sadness.

How on earth can I grieve for someone I never met?



9 Replies

  • You have have a big and an open heart, a warm and generous spirit - how could you not.

    Lovely lady , bless you

  • I couldn't say it any better so echo completely what Chris says xx

  • You will both think that I have come off the rails completely, but I sometimes wonder what happens to all the goodness we had while we were alive. All that seems to be left after we die is our physical body - where does our 'soul' go. Where does all the 'goodness' we had in or lifetime go?

    Silly questions I suppose but I do wonder.

    You probably think I should be shipped of to St Lawrence's Hospital in Bodmin (see 'Doc Martin').

    Wouldn't it be wonderful if all our 'goodness' went into a pot somewhere so that we could draw on it when we needed it.

    It's a beautiful day here, the sun is shining, and Pat's (ex) mum-in-law is where she has wanted to be for some time.

    I think that I'll dwell on the 'happy' side of it.

    Love and hugs



  • Me too Annec. Ditto with love Tina x

  • Annec my condolences over the death of a lady who even though you never met her obviously had some sort of impact on you to feel as you do.

    My personal feeling is that the soul of a person are the memories they leave behind them when they die. The physical side is no longer visible but what they did during their life is there for ever. I feel it is disrespectful not to talk about a person when they die because it negates their being and by talking about them you keep them with you hence their soul is their presence in the memories good or bad.



  • All my life I dreaded either of my parents dying and how would I cope? When my dad died 5 years ago it turned out not to be the catastrophic event I always feared. Of course I missed him and grieved, but over the years since I've come to learn that he hasn't really left me. I hear myself using expressions he would have used, pieces of music bring him to mind, I hear him laughing when I do something silly, and talk about him a lot with silly things he used to say and do. As far as I'm concerned his goodness hasn't gone anywhere, it's stayed with his friends and family.

  • Dear Annec,you will have lots of memories that this person would have brought to your life just by knowing of them.we all grieve in this way for people we have never met.

    I hope all your memories are happy ones.

    Good and bad days will follow,but your strength will see you through.

    Have a good weekend with your thoughts.

    John xx

  • I totally agree with Janet. We all leave a trace, whether its good or bad, so I think we should do our best to leave a good ripple and talking about those who have gone does keep them alive in our hearts.

    Lynne xx

  • When I see a soldier bought home being carried shoulder high by his mates I cry and i feel so sad, I mourn for him think of his his family, his friends, I think this illness makes me feel more sadness for other people, more tearful. Have your grieve Annec, I do for people I've never met or even knew.

    On a happier note waiting for my lovely family to arrive. Tables laid for tomorrow, veg done, and we roast our potatoes the day before sprinkle with M & S magic dust then just pop them in the oven half an hour before we eat and they are always perfect and really crispy. Just hoping daughter No. 1 won't forget to bring the beef.

    Lib x

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