I feel as though I'm caught in a time warp since hubby (Kit) had his stroke just over two weeks ago. Had just about quit smoking for a month when it happened and the first thing I needed was a cigarette. :(

Back to square one - a bit like snakes and ladders.

He can just about walk...very...slowly...almost dragging his leg and nearly every day has been centred around physio and OT. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I know he needs it to get his leg and arm back to some degree of usefulness but the progress feels sooo slow!

I really HATE driving in traffic but now I have to as Kit can't but life must go on and there's shopping to do, appointments to keep etc. etc.

He is sooo brave as he has ankylosing spondylitis in both his cervical and lumbar spine too which cause him a lot of pain and this is his 3rd proper stroke (not TIA of which he's had many too) and he will still try and do as much as he can.

It's all getting on top of me and I'm getting more and more tired.

Please could someone press the fast forward button?




27 Replies

  • Oh Lorraine I do wish I or someone here could find the words to help you through this.

    Feeling lower than I had in a while a few weeks ago I hinted to my matron that a speedier arrival at my destination would help every body really. She looked at me with sad eyes and said I can't Chris and even if I could I wouldn't.

    My job is to make what you have left as good as it can be not make it longer or shorter. She is a lovely lady I consider a friend not just my matron. We, you me matron have to see it through and sometimes it can be very hard.

    I feel for you and wish I could help, its not much but you're not alone - there are others who go through this. When you get low come and share it with us. On a day that's not so bad come and share that too. Someone, we, will be here for you.

    Goodnight love, sleep well if you can,

    Chris x

  • Lorraine I can send you my wishes and a (((hug))) - Chris is right, you are not alone, you are part of this family and you can share the good and the bad. It is so hard when things come and smack us in the face, and we have to learn to adjust, but Kit sounds like a fighter and he will improve with the physio and OT, - as for the smoking, you must look after yourself, if you have cheated, you must not think that you have started again, you have just had a slip-up and now you are a non-smoker again. Get as much rest as you can and eat well.

    Love Anna xx

  • Seems to me that you and your husband have one of the best relationships, based not just on love but also on friendship. I hope the following makes you smile and cheers you a little, it certainly worked well in my marriage:


    I've discovered a way to stay friends forever--

    There's really nothing to it.

    I simply tell you what to do

    And you do it!!

    Sheldon Allan Silverstein

  • Big hugs to you lucky,know exactly how you feel.My hubby had an accident,& we thought wrongly that the worst was his having to have his hip replaced in August.

    We were aware of his confusion,but put it down to stress etc.Well yesterday we were given the sad news that he had brain damage & things wont get any better,probably worse,I guess it's good to know it all,but they were very blunt about it.i still feel in a bit of shock I think.Sorry cant write any more at moment,bit upset,love Wendells xxx

  • That's very sad news Wendells, I hope the docs are proved wrong and things improve. Libby

  • What can I say, Wendells but we are all behind you. I want to put my arm round you but cant so will just be thinking lots about you. Big love Annieseed (Annie80)

  • Wendells I'm so sorry to read this, please know you and Hubby are in my thoughts and prayers, I hope you can prove those blunt doctors wrong,I think they have underestimated the power of the mind and the power of love, big hugs of strength and love from Carol xxx

  • So many sad stories at the moment.

    I hope things improve for you Lorraine and that the outcome is not as bad as you think at the moment Wendells.

    I just both of you to look after yourselves and keep strong.

    Lynne xx

  • Well done Kit pushing FF (fast forward) speedy recovery

  • Lucky and Wendells you both have a lot to deal with. You are both strong and cope with the slings and arrows of life brilliantly. This site is a life saver, it's the place where you can be yourself. Where at least one of us knows the type of feelings you are going through. This is the place to shout, to cry, to scream and finally to smile and then laugh. We are here for you night and day. We are your cyber support team and your friends. Take care love and hugs Tinaxw

  • Thanks for your kind words Tina,it's bringing home how life can change in a day.

    Love Wendells xxx

  • You have plenty of support from all of us Lorraine, I know how hard I would find what you are going through, life can be a so and so. It can get better.

    Take care,

    Lib x

  • Being poorly yourself is one thing, but having to care for your partner, and the worry that involves, it's no wonder your stress levels got too high and you needed your old coping mechanism! Big deep breath (or as deep as you can, anyway), and start again being a non-smoker.

    Wish there was a magic fast forward button. I'd push it for you. Take care of yourself and hubby x x

  • Lorraine sending you and hubby best wishes I do hope the time passes quickly. Don't be hard on your self for with ciges you can always quit again when things settle down. I know you want to do the best by your hubby but you need to take care of yourself too. Take all the help you can get and when someone asks if there's anything they, can do accept the help. I'm terrible at that but slowly I'm learning to say yes to help when offered. Hugs xx

  • Lorraine

    Your troubles are over. I am sending you two million electronic cuddles and you should feel great in no time at all. Hope you (and hubby) feel better soon. Lots and lots of love from Bobby xxxx

  • Lorraine thank goodness you have each other. I too am sending very best wishes and lots of hugs to you both. I hope you can get some much needed help and that things improve very, very soon.

    Lots of love. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Lorraine and Wendells my heart goes out to you both your both going through such a sad time. Lorraine as you hate driving through heavy traffic could you get most of your shopping delivered. I had to give up driving because of illness and I order most things on,it is not for every one I know but it works well for me and its one less thing for you to fret over. I hope your hubbies both get better soon,just take it one day at a time and celebrate each victory however small it may be and do not be afraid to ask for help. Make sure you both look after yourselves too. Sending love to you both and best wishes Juliexxx

  • Sorry to hear the bad news Lorraine, I do hope things can improve for you both. Libby

  • Lorraine, I canly repeat what has already been said by others. Life can be wicked but somehow we get through it. There are a lot of people thinking about you and Kit so all the best for the future - hugs from Annieseed xxx

  • can only - not canly||

  • Warm thoughts and I am pressing that fast forward button for all it's worth for you both :)

  • Hello Lorraine, I too want to send you love and well wishes, you've been through such a lot lately ,you are a real trooper! hope things start looking up for you and Hubby,big hugs,Carolx

  • Thinking of you both Lorraine and Wendells. It must be so hard to stay strong when you are ill yourselves and need help. Prayers and love xx

  • I will say a prayer for you

  • Lorraine

    I am so very sorry that you and Kit are having such an awful time. It seems that life knocks you down and then kicks you before you have a chance to get back up.

    "When you're going through hell, keep going" lovely lady. You will get through it, Lorraine.

    Julie suggested (above) having your shopping delivered by the supermarket. I have my shopping delivered (it may cost an extra £3 or so (depending on the day)) but it is well worth it. The delivery drivers even carry your shopping through to your kitchen for you.

    Cancel all the meetings and appointments that can wait for a while or, if possible, get the people to visit you at home.

    Think only about the important things at the moment - you and Kit. Nothing else is worth the candle.

    Take care sweetie.

    Lots of Love



  • Lorraine, you are going through a bad time, but hey,,,,, things will get better, don't feel too bad about having cigs, when things get easier you can stop again. You've been through a terrible time so keep on being brave, for yourself and your hubby too. Sending good wishes Love, keep your chin up, wishing you both well. xxx

  • Thank you all so much :)

    Kit has been signed off from physio today, apparently it only lasts two weeks but he may be able to get a longer term once a week one - different team so he's applied for that.

    He has to go next Wednesday to have a cardio thing fitted for a week and then his appointment with the consultant is in July.

    I have my new psychiatrist coming up at the end of this month...not looking forward to it at all!

    Kits stroke happened on the day after my first PR so I cancelled out as I couldn't go alone. Now I will have to reapply if I want to go but I didn't like it anyway.

    Thanks again all of you,




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