Just need some positivity....feeling very down

[GaryR]

I had 5 bypass in 2013, two heart attacks in 2018 followed by two stents in 2019 and Ive now been told I need another stent.....feeling pretty down about my future, I eat and live as healthy as I can, don't smoke or drink anything other than the odd chilled beer in the summer, am of average height and weight...but feeling very down and lacking in energy, drive enthusiasm etc. Please tell me this isn't the way its going to be for the future.......... Oh and one other thing, has anyone else been told by their cardiologist of the link between bacteria from dental issues and possible side effects in the heart? I have a mild aortic stenosis that is also lurking in the background.......

[MONIREN]

Sorry to hear the rough years you have had. But if you focus on what has been great during that time, your perspective might change. Sounds like you are doing everything right, with some stress is a factor. Looking backwards isn't good, there is a reason why the rear view mirror is smaller than the windscreen, makes moving forward easier, taking one day at a time and living it to the full. Borrowing worry, thinking too much of what might happen isn't going to help. I do hope that you can cope with your condition. Take care. Moni

[GaryR in reply to MONIREN]

Thanks Moni, I'll remember your rear view mirror comment.....and you are right, I have fought back from that dark place I was in initially, straight after what was an awful experience having the bypass surgery, lots of complications and post op issues, to regaining a good level of fitness, I just wasn't expecting to go downhill again quite so soon afterwards and since then it feels a little like they are just patching up the potholes. Stress has certainly played a part, I lost my business after Covid hit, we then had to sell the house and relocate to free up some capital, clear debts etc...all very stress inducing but hopefully we can have a better, more stable year this year with less worries, however dislocating my ankle in a fall at work last week hasn't helped a whole lot, but what the hell, I'm alive!!

[WardijaWardija]

Hi GaryThat's a whole load to contend with, not surprised at all that you are feeling so down, I think most of us on here know how that feels, irrespective of how many events or issues we have had to face, although the cumulative stress can really compound how we feel and manage ourselves both emotionally and physically.

I, like many others have experienced bad news, medically - year on year, on year and yes, it really pulls you down, I'm not gonna lie.

It can take you to some dark places, and get you to the point that you start questioning yourself thinking, what next ? how much more bad luck can one person have . . . ?

Oh how I wish I had a magic wand . . .

Somehow we have to find a way through it, as we don't really have too many viable options.

Being on this site, I believe can be very beneficial.

No, it cant give you the ideal solution you desire, but it does offer emotional support and non-judgmental (mostly) acceptance, also an depth of understanding , that sometimes family and friends are unable to provide, no fault ascribed.

It's very much a one day at a time approach, I've come to find most useful.

To think ahead too much, can bring about a state of being totally overwhelmed by it all and so the cycle repeats.

That said, I think it can be positive to try and ensure that you have something you do enjoy, to look forward to, in the near future, something tangible and within reach.

Not to be morose, but I have decided to make, not a "bucket list" but a "tombola of treats list" - all the things I still want, and can still, at the moment do - no extreme theme park rides for me though 😉😉😉.

Maybe you'd find it useful to speak with your GP who could maybe suggest some short term medication, along with a referral for psychological support and/or social prescribing. Also maybe you could speak with your cardiac nurse or a BHF cardiac nurse on this site.

Oh and by the way, yes - the dental issue you mentioned is believed to be true, there's lots of genuine scientific research out there.

I really hope you can find a way to get through this tough time and wish you all the very best.

Be kind to yourself. You are not alone . . .

🙏🌻🙏

[GaryR in reply to WardijaWardija]

Thanks for your thoughts, so many true words. I am hard on myself, Ive had a great life, lived and worked around the world and enjoyed many of the good things success brings.....but all I want now is to spend time with loved ones, some nice food, maybe even the odd (small) glass of red, and to watch the sun set on a day when Ive not been stressed up to my eyeballs....It's a hard transition from the person I was to the person I am now, sometimes I miss that hard charging, endless energy, single minded purity that came from chasing....something, not sure what it was cause every time I thought I'd caught it, I just went again...I miss the achievement of hitting "impossible" targets and the recognition, both personally and financially, but it nearly killed me and I know that now, I didn't realise until long after the initial surgery how tough it had all been on my partner and close friends/family, life is much simpler now but I'm still working on it, still looking for the point of it all I guess, a purpose..... but thankful for each day, perhaps that's enough for now.

[WardijaWardija in reply to GaryR]

You are welcome Gary.I had a life that sounds quite similar to how you describe yours, and I feel totally "robbed" of it.

Yes, I'm fortunate I'm still here, but I don't want this half life existence, I want my former life back. (can you not hear my toys hitting the floor, as I throw them out of my pram) 😉😉, patience has never been one of my virtues.

I'm still stuck in the grieving stage for what once was, although I know it's never going to be so again.

So yes I agree, the transition of persona is one of the hardest things, physically and psychologically, moreso the acceptance of how things now are and will continue to be.

That's what I continue to struggle with, and have to work on every single day, acceptance will be my salvation.

I'm just yearning to see a flicker of light at the end of that (very long) tunnel . . A work in progress.

Wishing you the very best outcome possible, take care.

🙏🌻🙏

[GaryR in reply to WardijaWardija]

You made me smile, a very refreshing honesty in what you say, I also feel like I’ve lost the me that I once was, at the moment the new me simply isn’t enough, but I’m working on it and like you, it’s a journey……thank you for your words, much appreciated.

[BluesBros in reply to WardijaWardija]

just new here today 25/7/23 - I told my GP/psychiatrist a year ago about my extreme failing health. Im totally alone, disabled in every way. Yet I found your comment and it helped me (for now)- Apparently I was supposed to be 'tested' for heart problems in Feb but GP didnt put into action. I think the worst part is being so terribly alone with it all. I dont know anything about this new problem piled on top of the the rest but it feels real bad. Im scared but there is no one to tell this to...

Thank you for your comment

[Hidden]

Hi Gary

Sorry you are feeling so down. Health problems, whatever they may be do cause a lot of stress. It changes your life and that’s hard to cope with.

Talking is good therapy. I know we do it on here but nothing can beat face to face. Maybe a group chat. Doesn’t have to be heart related. Lots of men’s groups starting up after lockdowns. Search one out on social media. BHF website is somewhere to start looking if you are searching for heart patients to chat to. Just give them a go.

Spring is round the corner Gary and lighter days and evening will bring more energy. It has been a long winter. I do hope you feel better soon.

Take care

❤️Maisie❤️

[GaryR in reply to Hidden]

Maisie.....my Mums name, god how I miss her, passed away 10 years ago but was always there for a chat, I miss that.. Thanks for the comments, it really helps just chatting, even just these messages have caused me to just brighten up a bit, so than you. I will look out for one of those groups, I think it would help and it seems mental health - and Men's mental health in particular has found more of a voice since lockdown so perhaps that would help. I have to admit, Ive always work my heart on my sleeve but since this all happened I find myself blubbering at the slightest provocation, any excuse to wet the eye's.....stay well, and thanks for taking the time to care, appreciated.

[Hidden]

Hello

You have been through an awful lot no wonder you are feeling down , I would be shocked that anyone would say this has not made them feel low

I had 3 heart attacks and a triple Bypass surgery 5 months ago and to be honest I am so down you could scrape me of the floor so how feel I totally get

On a positive though how clever and wonderful is it that no matter what is happening these surgeons and Consultants we see can do something where years ago it would have been totally different , try and hang on to these positive thoughts

Your question to is this how it is always going to be , I wished I had a crystal ball and could tell you and everyone else what the future holds and that it will be great for us all that would help my anxiety as well if only I could but live for today , keep doing what you are doing and enjoy life

I am a over thinker , I think way to far ahead and it does us no good at all even though I cannot stop doing it but I have a feeling you can

Remember it is ok to feel low and as the saying goes

This to shall pass

Let us know how you get on x

[GaryR in reply to Hidden]

Hi, thanks for the kind words, you are right, I remember in the weeks following bypass surgery, I had suffered complications during and after the operation, then reacted to a change of medication that caused me to vomit uncontrollably (not good for the sternum!) I was sitting in "my chair" watching the world go by and I remember thinking, well, this is it, this is my world now, I'm in soooo much pain, almost incapable of doing anything for my self, this is how its going to be......I couldn't picture even walking without pain let alone playing any form of sport again or doing anything normal, that was over...then, slowly, day by day, sometimes three steps forward and two back but gradually my body put it all back together and by some miracle life eventually returned, almost, to normal. In fact better than normal in some respects, the human body is incredible and the healthcare profession at its best - totally amazing! So I do have positive memories and sometimes forget how tough we have all had to be to get us to where we are today, but its journey and the route ahead isn't always clear, so I guess its just one day at a time, dealing with what I can, not worrying so much about things I can't and looking out the side windows a bit more, appreciating what's around me today. Take care..

[Hidden in reply to GaryR]

I am so pleased and thank you with sharing your memories as they have helped me by you doing so

I am 5 months after a triple Bypass and the way you explained you took so many steps forward and then so many back but eventually your body put it all back together is how I am feeling waiting still for mine to put it all back together so Thank you your reply really has helped x

[GaryR in reply to Hidden]

No problem, I’ve been amazed at the bodies ability to repair itself, I’m an engineer and it astounds me to this day….I suffered a collapsed lung, multiple infections and a serious immune system problem, for which the drugs were almost worse then the issue, but still, eventually, I became 99% well again, able to run, exercise, love and laugh again without feeling like I’m going to have an immediate heart attack. But it takes time, energy and support, don’t underestimate how much energy this will take and don’t be afraid to ask for help, you WILL get better.

[Hidden in reply to GaryR]

Thank You

And you to will get through this next chapter in your life

Please let us know how you get on x

[Prada47]

Hello Gary

Been there done that.

H A, Bypass Surgery further Stents, Heart Failure RCA 100% blocked. Last week Stress MRI to see why I am so Breathless this is a hard life BUT

When people ask how are you today I respond with "I woke Up " which is better than the Alternative.

This is going to sound harsh but you have to get on with it, we can't reverse what has happened OK we can now live the life we should OF but life like it was before was such fun !!!

Don't deny yourself some fun your only here once this is not a dress rehersal for next time . Mentally you have to accept the past and the future is what ?? can you really influence it by not having a beer or a glass of wine or heaven forbid a beef burger

iI;s up to you enjoy being alive

regards

[GaryR in reply to Prada47]

Thank you, you are right and I'm working on getting the balance right, every day is an opportunity, and a bonus, the alternative was so close.... what I need to do is stop being so hard on myself, just be happy at enjoying a simple sunny day (defo don't cope well with the grey, wet dark days...very depressing) and as another OP said, perhaps get some dates of things to enjoy in the diary, something to look forward to....thanks again, needed some of that!

[Becksagogo]

I was 60 when I was diagnosed with heart failure. Vivacious, chatty, bubbly and a hard worker. I have photos of me dressed up in silly outfits helping with charity collections. That person disappeared to be replaced by an anxious, skinny, doddery old person. People around me noticed the change and I admit to wallowing in self pity so sought counselling. He told me to concentrate on the things I can do rather than those I can't. This year I have had an epiphany and have booked 2 holidays away and I'm going to see England play South Africa at Twickenham in November. My first ever International rugby match. I had to give up work because I just couldn't manage full time employment with a home and a dog and have just applied to do some charity work for Age Concern.There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to grab it.

[GaryR in reply to Becksagogo]

Thanks for taking the time to respond, sorry to hear how difficult this has been for you…….you are right of course, having lost my company due to Covid, sold the house to pay debtors and relocated to a more affordable, but for me less attractive area, it’s been a lot to accept and looking back I did see only the negatives in all that….but it hasn’t been all bad and to bring in some funds I’ve taken a quite physical part time job and surprised myself by how much I can actually do. Just need to get this latest stent done and get on with making the most of a year ahead.

[Clairealou]

Hi Gary. Sorry you’re feeling so down but I’m not surprised. I’ve also had a considerable amount of heart surgery and it is easy to think ‘why me’. But as someone else said on here, you have to remember that you were the lucky one who’s issues were diagnosed, solutions found and procedures done and you’re still here. My life has changed considerably following all of my surgeries in that I do what makes me happy, change the things that don’t and only surround myself with positive people. I hate to say ‘it is what it is’ but, well, it is! I accept my lot now, am eternal grateful to the amazing people in the NHS who have saved my life on more than 1 occasion and am thankful that I know what I know now, if that makes sense. After 5 surgeries, I know there is at least 1 more to come in the next few years and I say, bring it on! It’s taken quite a few years to get to this point and others on here who have also had multiple surgeries will tell you the same. On a serious note, depression can go hand in hand with heart problems so a face to face group where you can chat and support each other may help. Until then, you’ve got us hearties! So, get up, go for a walk (which I’m just about to do to the chemist to collect my endless supply of drugs) and take some deep breaths.You can do this. We have every faith in you x

[RailRover]

Hi Gary. Dental thing rang a bell with me. I was under treatment by dentist for a gum abscess. He gave me amoxicillin. I drove home. Took one tablet. An hour later I was in A&E with a heart attack. My only symptom? Excruciating jaw pain.

[GaryR]

Hi RR...thanks for the response, interesting isn't it, I had a consultation with a new cardiologist having relocated to a new county and i nearly fell off my seat when he zeroed in on my dental health (something Ive always struggled with after an accident many years ago and a small oral tumour surgery) as having a potential for seriously affecting heart valves. Apparently bad bacteria from poor dental hygiene can enter the blood stream and attack heart valves, especially if you are already experiencing stenosis or similar anyway, I was surprised that having engaged with many cardiologists over the years, no one has ever mentioned that before , just goes to show, never to old to learn!!

[Heather1957]

I had my bypass back in 2017 and I posted then how depressed I was, it soon became clear that depression is part of the process. You certainly have had more than your fair share of problems so TBH I would be worried if you were not feeling down.

All you can do is try and focus on the positives (no matter how small) and realise that there are some, and thank goodness for the wonderful surgeons and doctors who are somehow keeping us functioning.

Don't go through this alone, don't forget we are always here to support you.