Here for my husband

[Hollysmum]

Hello! My husband suffered a massive heart attack in April 2016, which was brought on by radiotherapy treatment he received for breast cancer in the previous October. He's now got three stents fitted, and he had a defibrillator fitted in March this year. He was admitted to hospital in April this year with fluid overload, and spent three weeks there. He's had a really tough time of it, and frankly, I'm just very glad he's still with me. He was forced to retire from coach driving, and misses it very much, and finds that he gets very frustrated at times with being less able than he was. He also has bilateral osteoarthritis of the knees, and was days away from a knee replacement operation when he was diagnosed with the cancer. Having had surgery and radiotherapy for that, he was again days away from the knee replacement when he suffered the heart attack, and now, I'm not sure that he will ever have that done. He apologises to me constantly for being how he is now, and I constantly ask him why he's apologising, none of it was his doing. Being part of this forum will be a bit of an "outlet" for me, as there are some things that are just easier to say to and discuss with people who are not family/friends but who understand where I'm coming from. I really look forward to chatting with you all. Catherine.

[Jo_BHF]

Hi Catherine, and welcome.

Really does sound like you and your husband have had a difficult time of it, so sorry to hear that.

I'm glad you've found us, because you're right - being able to vent or chat or ask questions can be really helpful when you're dealing with so much stress. My Dad went through chemo for oesophageal cancer a while back and, although I'm happy to say he's still with us, he's had a lot of complications and issues along the way. The amount that you and your husband have had to deal with would be difficult for anyone!

Hope our community helps - and looking forward to seeing you around here

Jo

[Hollysmum in reply to Jo_BHF]

Thank you, Jo! Yes, it's been really hard, and it was coupled with my mother's serious illness late last year, so I'm definitely considering emigrating now! Joking apart, there are some things that I just don't feel able to chat about with my husband, not because he wouldn't listen, but because I just feel I need an objective view from someone who is isn't actually connected to us. He and I are very lucky to have family and friends to support us, which they have done, but others do not have this to back them up, so this forum is brilliant, I think, for that reason alone.

[Jo_BHF in reply to Hollysmum]

Definitely - sometimes you need a complete stranger to talk to (or AT, in some situations!)

Really glad to hear you've got a good bunch of people around you too, it can make a big difference.

Take care of yourself Catherine

[Hollysmum]

Bless you.

[Weejenny]

Hi Catherine, I know exactly how you feel talking to a stranger just letting out how you feel or tell them your worries that you couldn't burden your loved ones with is a great help. You and your husband have had an awful time, I saw a lot of what we've been through in your letter my husband has just had a total knee replacement after four years of will they won't they, they wanted to wait till he retired but his quality of life was very poor. His lack of sleep due to pain hasn't helped he's been bad tempered at times. He apologises all the time too. He is doing well now that's just five weeks ago now. Our eldest son has just qualified as a coach driver and loves it 🙂 I'm so pleased for him, finding work has been tough for him. I've also had my pacemaker fitted this year which I'm getting my head round now. Having a strong relationship is what gets you through. Take care Catherine, isn't it nice to find others to chat to, Jen x

[Hollysmum in reply to Weejenny]

Hi, Jen! Yes, it's really good to talk to people who know something of your own situation. My poor hubby gets really frustrated that he can't do things he used to do, or at least, not as quickly as he used to. Even shopping for clothes is a huge event for him now, as we have to choose somewhere where there are plenty of places for him to sit and rest if he needs to. He is currently worrying about the fact that I struggle with the petrol mower, because the grass is getting a bit long in front of our garage door - he always used to do that job with no problem at all, of course. This seriously hot weather is bothering him, too, whereas he used to relish it. The heart attack, in particular, has proved totally life-changing for both of us, but it really is something that we have to learn to live with, and adapt to. It's lovely to talk with you.