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Beyond Body Size
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New journey to loving the Body I'm in

I'm 25 and having struggled with weight all my life I am in the process of trying to be more healthy with my dietary choices as well as being more active which I hope will in turn help me be more comfortable in myself.

I've have struggled with guilt and shame associated with being a homosexual which lead to bullying from various places growing up, as an endomorph body type with the bulk of my fat distribution being in my midsection thighs and behind in addition to effeminate feature and oversensitive demeanour, this added to my ridicule and over the past few months I believe it to have gotten so bad that I have developed acute social anxiety of being shamed in public that I now struggle to leave the house.

As a result this led to me comfort eat on top of the poor diet and large portion size of my family.

Having always been big it was only when I loss a substantial amount of weight during puberty that people around me acknowledged that I had an issue only to leave me to my own devices as I reverted to old ways and began putting on weight. I have yo-yo'd and struggled to maintain my weight since.

To this day, I still skip meals breakfast being the most important of the day and my mind rationalises this as acceptable as I go through bouts of binge eating of junk food in contrast to starving myself.

I am very depressed by all of these factors but determined to take better care of my health and address the issues linked to my body weight and self image as these have predominantly been linked to my self esteem which is very low.

I am hopeful for the future at present and would like to let everyone know that no matter what weight you are, you'll never be happy or able to curb any bad habits or relationships with food until you can look in the mirror and love/cherish the person staring back at you.

As I type this and speak for myself, so many of my habits and issues stem from an unconscious lack of care and so I urge you all as you go through your lives to not only love yourselves whole heartedly but to be kind to yourselves also and not to hold any set backs or stumbles too harshly.

Good luck

And I look forward to embarking on this journey with you

2 Replies

Don't underestimate the unconscious you've identified User113279001965. Sometimes the food you eat will be disturbing your hormones, setting you up for the fat deposition emanating from your midsection as you describe, and the craving for food you associate with a quick fix.

It's sad that the focus on cutting calories has obscured the importance of the hormonal side of a balanced diet, not least because digestive hormones affect other hormones.

Getting 10% of calories from protein, 30% low Gi carbs (avoiding anomalies like baked beans, reduced-fat dairy, and keeping fructose to about an ounce per day), and 60% from natural fat (including any body fat 'burned') will redress the balance. The ideal ratio of fat is the same as our body fat, evolved over millions of years; 57% mono, 40% saturated, 3% polyunsaturates.

A couple of weeks each month, increase your intake of natural fat sufficient to maintain your new weight. This will prevent reaching a plateau at a lower calorie intake, and enable you to resume weight loss when you reduce your intake after each maintenance break.

I wish you all the best!

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It's good to have calorie advice but I don't think any of us get big without some emotional issues, as you say. Being bullied for being gay and effeminate is not oKay. Bullying is one thing but it sounds like you're bullying yourself when you say you feel guilt and shame for being Who You Are. Acute social anxiety and agoraphobia, no wonder. I guess you can work on your weight with those things in place but it sounds pretty difficult. Comfort food won't lose its appeal if youre downing yourself. How do you plan to work on those iissues that are causing you to run for the comfort food?