I write this post as I am aware that a number of us have been grieving for many years and although I have now accepted my grief, it was a long 10 years before I finally did so. In my case, it was the loss of my Dad, a man who was actually a tyrant in so many ways but his loss affected me far more than I ever expected. Well, that's briefing my story, what's yours?
Sending love & support as ever,
Chloe
my son passed 20 years ago on march his passing affected me more than my mum and dads I doubt I will ever stop.i learn to accept certain aspects of it others are hard.my mum it was over a year and as yet I don't think ive been to bad with my dad but other family issues have prevented that a bit.
come his 20th anniversary I will post something I was given at the hospital after he died that will be my tribute on here.
Hello kenster1 I feel for you as I know how devastated my mum was when my brother died as it's seems so unfair and cruel.
The worst thing that you can do is to beat yourself up over past regrets because you loved your son and that is blatantly obvious.
Jerry.
I don't feel we ever really get over losing a child Kenny kenster1 we somehow just live each day in the knowledge of our love and loss, especially in such dreadful circumstances as your son, {{{hugs}}}
Chloe
Salem 16 I have been grieving over 7 months. My daughters have their own lives and fighting too so I have no one.
Hello salem16
A very warm welcome to you.
You'll find our Community is very friendly and supportive, so please feel at home here <3
I'm sorry for your loss, you didn't mention who but that is okay. It's still very early days since your loss and understandable that you are feeling this way.
Your daughters I believe are also grieving, but theirs was a different sort of relationship than your own and will have different needs right now. They don't know how to give you comfort because they are suffering too. Please do have a chat with your doctor and ask for a referral to Bereavement Counselling or a therapist who you can talk this through and find support.
We are happy to give you as much support as we can {{{hugs}}}
Chloe<3
This is a great post Chloe, the hardest for me was my brother who does just after my 18th birthday when he was 20 and he had borrowed my new jacket I'd bought for my birthday.
It mortified the family and what my mum went through doesn't bear thinking about.
I would be somewhere and I'd go cold and think it's Johnny and it would be a stranger who reminded me of him and this went on for a few years and the sudden mood changes were challenging as I felt guilty for being alive for many years afterwards.
I often wonder what it would've been like to be an uncle and all the other things that families bring.
The most important thing that I've learnt from bereavement is to to be open about my emotions.
When my mum was dying we talked about what I would do after her death and it was very hard but equally important to mum and we carried out her wishes to the letter.
Jerry.
Thank you for your post Jerry,
I feel deeply for parents who have lost a child and those who have lost a sibling like yourself are often overlooked when it comes to support, as the parents naturally aren't coping well themselves, and anger and mood changes to name a couple are often seen.
Yes, being open and honest is a very powerful emotion and the best way to cope with bereavement.
Chloe
I can't imagine what its like to lose a child.❤
I've been grieving since friday when I lost my mum after a short but aggressive battle with cancer.I'm overwhelmed with sadness,we were so close,my best friend really.I don't want to be sad all my life.
Hello Sandradsn
A very warm welcome to Bereavement Care & Share.
I'm really sorry to read of the loss of your dear Mum x
Your emotions are so very raw right now but in time you will find an acceptance in your life and I do hope you will look back on all the wonderful memories you have,
You may like to make a memory box, and put some of your dearest photos, make birthday cards, jewellery and other things that mean so much to you. Some like to decorate the box too.
Keep it close to you, and open it and go though the lovely memories when you want to reflect, it really helps.
Please do drop in anytime, you'd be very welcome, our members are a lovely always around to support others.
Take care
Chloe
I should have added that there really wasn't a goodbye for me, as my Dad lay in the hospital bed, he kept saying he was dying and I said 'You're not dying', he pulled me to him by my hair and died, it was very traumatic .
Chloe
It sounds really traumatic, Chloe. I'm sorry you went through this. It's really tough when someone dies in front of you especially a family member...
Thanks Nathalie99
It truly was, I can still recall clearly in my mind every moment of that day, it was horrible.
Chloe
Sending you support and hugs, Chloe...
sadly I didn't get to say goodbye to my son or my mum although I was with my dad it was just surreal what happened he couldn't speak or anything and just slipped away as I was talking to my aunt.
I'm sorry you didn't get the opportunity to say your goodbyes Kenny kenster1 that's a shame.
In some ways, just slipping away is good as you know he wasn't suffering x
Chloe
yeah when my son had his accident it was instant I had been with my mum during the day with my dad and sister but we left for lunch and I met a friend for a few beers I wasn't expecting it to be that day.my dad and sister where with my mum though.
I hugged and kissed them when they left for the hospital and ignored a phone call a week before they passed, i wasn't able to be with them when the passed, I was told not go and that id remember them better not seeing them after chemo. I did get the see them before or during the funeral like everyone else. all my decisions were made for me, everyone thought I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I'm sorry for your loss its never easy and relationships are hard, I'm sorry you experienced loss the way you did I hope you heal and grow stronger from it
lots of love and positivity !!
Really sorry to read that you felt decisions were taken from you and I completely understand, that's very hard to live with<3
I am grateful that you were able to go to the funeral and I hope your memories will help you through<3
Chloe
My sister passed 9 years ago, she was 42, didn't know she was sick, didn't know she was dying, just passed in her sleep. It was a brain aneurysm. It was very hard to deal with the shock of her loss. Guilt, "what ifs" abounded, but she always had a premonition that she would die at a young age. She often told me of her feelings, I always assured her that she would go when it was her time. It was her time then. It wasn't our time to let her go, but we were thrust into that journey. The best thing I can do every single day is live life to the fullest because that's how she lived. She had a very rough life, yet she always rose above it and made positive even the worst situations. Her laughter was contagious, I often can still hear it in my mind's eye. I smile and think of what a gift having her with us for as long as we did. I know where she's at, I know where I'm going to meet her after my passing in this life. It brings me great comfort knowing I'll see her again. This time in our spanky new healed bodies, no more sickness, no more pain, no more suffering.
Hello RoseyViolet
A very warm welcome to our Community.
So sorry to read your post.
Losing your sister so suddenly was clearly very traumatic for you. I think shock is one of the major issues with sudden death isn't it? She was so young {{{hugs}}} and to lose her through an brain aneurysm is beyond belief. I'm sure you've be told this many times, but I always feel to pass in sleep is the most tranquil way to go and that's a blessing in your sisters case RoseyViolet <3
How very strange that she had premonitions about it?
As always, it's those left behind who suffer so much sorrow but you have
vividly happy memories too and that is wonderful, hold on to those always.
Chloe
I'm sorry to hear about your sister.
I lost my mum almost 4 years ago and my dad last May. I miss them terribly every single day. I even cried (again) today over it. I wish I could have them back with me.
Hello Bobben,
Welcome to you.
I'm sorry to read about your dear Mum and Dad. It's so very hard when we lose our parents and it doesn't matter how long since their passing, we all shed tears and I think that's a good thing.
Chloe <3
I lost my first parent, my mom in 2004 but the Christmas holiday season makes it seem more recent. My mother sang in some church choirs. I have old recordings with her singing on them but haven’t listened to them. Both my parents loved music but I rarely listen to it now. I’ve slowly recovered from this holiday.
a close and beloved family member passed in August, so its been 10 months and its still very hard to cope
Y How long does it take
Still grieving after 10 years
grieving for a wife.
