How is everyone?

[chloe40]

January is a very bleak time for some and I know personally that it tends to

make me reflective, especially on those we have loved and lost. If you do too, how do you manage?

Chloe x

[Greyone]

Hi Chloe

My Christmas was characteristically quiet. My sister and I have different dietary needs so we didn't bother with eating together. It may seem sad but I think that is the way things sometimes go with adult siblings that don't mix much. We have yet to take the plunge and go our separate ways.

December has 3 celebrations so a bit ominous. I think I'm used to all the crying now so it just feels like a bit of a regular routine. I'm trying to teach myself how to sit quietly and reflect when that happens instead of running off somewhere.

Recently I was having a chat with some of the back office people, they got me to test out a new profile that tried to suggest that the reason why I was unable to complete tasks was due to my osteoarthritis. But I had to tell them it was really because I could not concentrate because of this grieving business. My OA is still very much in the early stages. In the end, I had to laugh because those profiles cannot be trusted yet.

January is indeed a time for reflection and I still get impatient with myself for crying for mum every time something goes wrong. So I had to make a special trip a week last Friday to the crematorium. This time I got myself a ride home on the bus. usually, I don't think it helps because I usually get home tired.

Whilst I write this, I've just been to get a cuppa tea and micro myself a steak slice. A few years ago I bought one of those enormous mugs that say I <heart> Tea on it. It holds two cuppas.

I have to admit that one of my big problems at the moment is self-control. I've already had a chicken slice when I finished the gardening and this slice was supposed to be for tomorrow after the same. I think that will have to be my new year resolution, to exercise self-control and develop better habits.

My word for this year is patience because I want to do so much but I'm impatient. I chase everything and achieve nothing. But since I can work well with external accountability, I thought I'd mention it here.

Has anyone got any Christmas cake left? If so I'd love to see a photo.

One thing that does cheer me up is putting Sultanas in my porridge. Seriously because if I do it the night before and mix it all up with hot milk and water and leave it overnight then they get really juicy. Then I have to gobble up all my spare sultana and have none for the rest of the week. So like I said, no self-control.

My other big thing for this year is to remember to write things down then I won't forget them or forget to do them.

Did you get any nice prezzies C40 !!!

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi Greyone

My, you've been busy!

It is sad when siblings don't get on and I totally empathise, I intend to try to put that right this week after about 20 years, so keep me in your thoughts please.

Sorry to read about your OA, look after that.

It's not so easy to keep control of what we eat and I'm much the same but have curbed it somewhat, exercise is the area I need to work on

Patience, well this is another matter, it's hard at times to be patient, to others I am the most patient person and that's true enough but at home, hmm... not so, especially at this time, I just hate January. I'm like you, I want it now! but have discovered nothing works out well if I push it.

I have an untouched Christmas cake and a box of mince pies unopened, oh and a Xmas pud that I have put away for next year!

Chloe x

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Not surprisingly sibling relations seem to suffer before and after a departure. But I had to laugh when I caught myself behaving, in the same way, I thought my sister was behaving.

So I guess my resolution could be to come to terms with how we are and how we should be. That is a big ask I know and I discussed it with Cruse some time ago. One suggestion they had was to talk via email... not sure that will work but at least its an idea.

A few years ago I told my counselor that was one of our problems, talking too much by emails. her solution was to write "We can talk about that tonight" which sounds a bit better. So now my next task is to learn how to do that.

P.S Do those mince pies have any candid peal in them?

[Catwoman2018]

Hi Chloe, this was my first Christmas without my mum. It was very hard and only decided at the last minute to put my tree up. I didn't want to celebrate but seeing my dad cope and enjoying being with my children and grandchildren, I knew my mum wouldn't want me to be moping around. My daughters made me special baubles with my mums pic and beautiful words to hang on tree, I will treasure them forever. My mums birthday is in 2 weeks, the next hurdle, going to be so hard. I've booked the day off work and will spend the day with my dad. Thank you for giving me the chance to write all this down, it does help. Love and best wishes to you. xx

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Catwoman2018]

Hi Catwoman2018

So glad you decided to put the tree up, the best thing you could have done, for you and for your Dad and girls.

That was so lovely of your girls to make the bauble, yes, you'll treasure them alright.

I think spending the day with your Dad would be supportive for both of you. You could think about doing something together that your dear Mum would have liked, maybe go somewhere she enjoyed, plant a shrub in the garden, anything that commemorates her life and your love.

You're welcome to write in here anytime we're always interested in what you and others have to say, no matter what that may be x

Chloe x

[Catwoman2018 in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for a lovely reply.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Catwoman2018]

You're very welcome {{{hugs}}}

Chloe xx

[kenster1 Volunteer]

got through Christmas and new year I think regular visits to the graveyard helped although my brother upset me by binning all the items at the headstone.items I bought and things the priest gave me.ive got counselling next week volunteering again still caring for my aunt as well.i want to be optimistic that at some point I can move forward in life.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Kenny kenster1

That was a little insensitive to bin those things that meant so much Kenny, completely understand why you're upset about it.

Really pleased you have Counselling this week, make the most of it.

Enjoy your voluntary work, great job you're doing there, helps you and others.

You're moving forward already, hang on to that!

Chloe