I am a mess!!

[BluuAngel]

I am so glad my little boy is asleep. I just looked at my profile and I looked at the date I joined. It was November 12, 2018. My daddy was doing okay. Who would have known that he would be gone December 18, 2018?? Only 36 days later!! I knew his cirrhosis had gotten so very bad so suddenly....but I had not realized just HOW SUDDENLY!! Oh my sweet Jesus, how I miss my daddy!! God takes His children when He sees fit. We just never know!! It is just a reminder to tell your loved ones that you love them every chance you get. Tell them how much you appreciate them and how much they make your life better. My mommy was my sunshine!! She was such a beautiful light!! Her heart was so bright! I only got to know my daddy in these last 10 years. When my mother was almost at the end, I had come home to help take care of her. When she passed, my son and I stayed so my dad would not be alone. In the years that we were living with my daddy, I finally got to know my dad. We finally had conversations and laughed together. He helped me raise my baby and he would always say to me, "This is my last little boy." My baby called my dad, "daddy". I was happy for that! It sure made my dad happy. He loved my little boy like no other and he admitted it freely to anybody!! He said he loved him more than his own children! hahaha And that was okay with me as well!! I am still crying even though I am smiling. People say, "Remember the good times you had with them." Well, all memories of the loved ones that have passed on hurt! But, the memories of the "good times" hurt even more!! They are just even BIGGER reminders of the good times that will NEVER, EVER, EVER BE AGAIN!! They are reminders of the reality that for the rest of MY LIFE, however long that is, I will NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN!! That reality breaks my heart into millions of pieces that cannot be put back together!! I will say goodnight for now! Thank you for your time. May God bless you all!!

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hang on to all the good memories that you have BluuAngel

You may want to make a memory box with your son, fill it with photos, Knick knacks, cards, anything that reminds you of your dear Dad. Keep it close by and open it whenever you wish to bring you comfort, decorate your box too if you'd like to. Talk about the happy memories with your son too, it helps to keep his memory alive.

Take care

Chloe

[BluuAngel in reply to chloe40]

Thank you very much!! I appreciate your advice and kind words! God bless you!

[Greyone]

I can testify that the last years with someone can be full of untold treasures. Despite our anguish at what we know must come. I am still learning that I must bear the cost of loving and losing and of sharing such a special blessing thanks to my beloved mother. When I am overcome in grief I think back to the unspoken love that comes in every moment we are together. Those times have made me a sadder, wiser and more loving person.

Such grief and joy bring an enduring and enriching balance to our lives.

Good luck, you will be in my prayers tonight.

[BluuAngel in reply to Greyone]

Thank you so very much!! May God bless you!!

[Hidden]

BluuAngel , I know you are feeling the acute pain of loss right now. I understand some of the hurt you feel - especially when you remember good times.

BluuAngel please try not to look too far into the future at the moment. I know how scary that feels. Try to take one day at a time or even half a day at a time.

A 'memory box' as suggested by chloe40 can be very useful. Do what feels right for you and your son. Thinking of you, please take good care,

Lottie x

[BluuAngel in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so very much!! God bless you!!