Nightmares

[RachieW]

This week will mark 2 months since my wonderful Dad passed away! I can’t believe it’s been so long. I know it isn’t long in the grand scheme of it but it seems only yesterday we were sat talking in his hospital room. I keep having nightmares where I imagine his death over and over again but each way it happens differently and now I’m frightened to sleep! Is this just me?? I know it won’t happen because he’s already gone but I don’t like the vividness of the dreams. I was with him when he passed and it was peaceful he was peaceful for days but this haunts me every night. Doctor has now prescribed me Mirtazapine 15mg to help me sleep so hope I will find comfort

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi im sorry that you are experiencing this I to experience this with my sons death.i never witnessed his death but each night I run it over and over in my head.i stare at the light from outside and just try and drift off but its hard.im on mirtazapine again but the thoughts are always there.god bless and take care.

[kenster1 Volunteer in reply to kenster1]

something that helps me a lot is regular visits to the graveyard it keeps them closer to me I think and helps with the thoughts.

[RachieW in reply to kenster1]

Thanks for the reply. Unfortunately for me my dad was cremated I have a small pot of his ashes and his partner has the rest. So I have nowhere to visit. It still doesn’t feel real that he has gone. I hope you are doing ok

[Bmw1969ma in reply to kenster1]

My condolences of the death of your son. I can't imagine the pain.

I have a friend living in Manila and while on vacation in Guam, his 5 yr old son became ill and died. He had a 6 yr old son, also. There are no agencies or services available for grief support. Would this be a good fit for him or are there other available groups to better address his debilitating grief? Thank you

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Rachael,

Thank you for your post.

Nightmares can be an unfortunate effect that some suffer after bereavement.

I too, was with my dear Dad when he passed 15years ago and I remember every little detail of that day. It did play on my mind too for a while and I was disturbed about it, but as time passed I found it a comfort, which sounds odd but to be able to remember that day and know I was there holding him in my arms helps and I am sure he knew he wasn't alone.

Taking medication for a short while will help while memories are so raw.

Take care Rachael {{{Hugs}}}

Chloe

[Hidden]

Hi RachieW , it is not unusual to have nightmares about the loss of a loved one. Although they can be very upsetting and scary they rarely last for long.

Shortly after my partner passed away I used to have nightmares where I was not told where his funeral was being held. I had to find where in the country it was to be held. This seemed very real while having the nightmare but when I woke I found I could reassure myself that the nightmare was untrue - because I arranged his funeral.

Try and keep reminding yourself how peaceful your wonderful dad's passing was. Try and remind yourself that the nightmares are not real (although they seem very real when they are happening). Keep talking and reaching out Rachie and I hope the nightmares go in time. Mirtazapine has helped me to sleep better too.

Take good care,

Lottie x

[Nathalie99]

I really feel for you, RachieW.

Witnessing a loved one leaving forever can be very traumatic, even if it was peaceful. Just the idea of him being gone might take a while to fully register on a subconscious level. The mind is trying to process this and reconcile things.

Reassuring yourself and remembering how peaceful it was can hopefully help.

If it doesn't after a while, you might need to talk to your GP and/or look for a bereavement counseling.

It's all very individual and different things help different people. Find what works for you and remember about self care.

You are not alone...

[Lperica10]

I am so sorry 2 mos is so early and fresh and you are in a grieving state and your brain is processing everything. I was with my dad and I replay that day in my head A LOT. I will say it gets a little bit better over time (it’s been 2 years for me). But it still comes and goes A LOT. and the dreams are still there and they are still vivid. I think about him soooo much and miss him sooooo much. I wish so bad we had more time together but then I think ok I am thankful I did have the time I did with him. It is so hard. Right now take your time and take care of you. Give yourself what you need right now. Here if you ever want to talk. Loosing my dad was the hardest thing I ever went through.

[RachieW in reply to Lperica10]

Thank you 😊 reading that was exactly if I had wrote it I can relate to everything you put. I am thankful that I got the opportunity to be there and care for him right till the end it was his wish for me to be with him and I was so thankfully I didn’t let him down. I miss him also I just can’t believe he has gone there’s a void that can never be filled. Hope you’re well

[Lperica10 in reply to RachieW]

Please take care and reach out anytime. I am in the US, u? Also I was prescribed something to sleep as well. I think that is totally normal considering the circumstances. My mind would just race.

[RachieW in reply to Lperica10]

I’m in the UK having a few down days after picking up a little. Missing him terribly.

[Lperica10 in reply to RachieW]

I know 💙