Were you angry with your loved one

[chloe40]

when they passed and how long did this continue. Do you have any tips on how to overcome this?

Thanks everyone

Chloe

[jaykay777]

Yes, I was angry with my husband when he passed four years ago, but the reason now makes me laugh. A week before he died in 2014, Bob pleaded with me to take him home to die. I told him that since I was 75 years old and worn out from caring for him even with the help of hospice, I could not do it. He responded, "If I can't go home, I want to die." That was on a Tuesday, and I planned to visit him on Friday, as I did every week. On Thursday night, a nurse called me from the nursing home to say that Bob had died at 10:30 p.m. He won. He avoided knowing whether or not I would have visited him the following day. Yes, I was angry, because I had hoped to be with him when he died. The scenario still runs in my head.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to jaykay777]

Hi jaykay777

I read your reply twice and I can see what you mean but I also understand why you were angry. I am sorry though that you didn't get to be with him on his passing.

Jaykay, you have so many memories and experiences that you could well write a book and I mean that sincerely.

Chloe x

[Greyone]

I'm so pleased you asked this question because for me the answer was no. I have read such anger in other people in other places and feel like grieving more for them.

My mum was in her home for about a year. We were so lucky when looking back to see such little signs. Going into a home is a bit of a giveaway, but mum was safely active for 8 months. Then a final infection and a fall from bed left her bed bound, another little sign.

At first I wondered why i was not angry. But watching her, really watching her seemed to take away my anger. After all we too serve who only stand and wait. But should i have still been angry for loosing her to dementia, i have no real understanding or all this , so i can feel helpless and i have yet to understand what it means to "come to terms with".

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Thank you Greyone

It's good to gain a different insight into bereavement and how we cope with our feelings. Many do indeed feel angry at being left alone and I understand that but there is also the situation where we see our loved ones suffering and are thankful they no longer feel distress. As for 'coming to terms with' I don't believe we do, but I do feel we find an acceptance of loss someway down the line.

Chloe