I'm here after the loss of my dad yesterday and to share and listen to others too.
Feeling so alone and lost...my dad used to be the only one I could go to evenin felt like this. He always made me feel warm safe and loved. I tried to make him feel that in his last days. Im tryingbto be strong for my children brother and mum but my mum has been very insensitive to me and said some things about my dad which i dont believe to be true. I'm hurting so much I'm numb one minute and in intense physical pain the next. I've had losses before but none as deep as this. Sorry to be blurring it all out here. It feels a relief to do so but I don't want to trigger upsetting thoughts for anyone else. Anyone have tips on how to sleep it's just not coming. Xx
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LaurieRose
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17 Replies
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Hello LaurieRose
First of all may I welcome you to our friendly and supportive community.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear dad. It sounds like you were very close to him and had a very special relationship. To lose a parent who has meant so much will hit you hard. It is likely that your feelings and emotions will be intense. LautieRose feeling alone, lost and numb are all feelings associated with grief.
You have your own memories of your Dad to treasure, hang on to these and try not to let others' memories cloud yours.
Take your time LaurieRose, try to be kind to yourself, support your family as best you can but make sure you get support too. You will not get over the loss of your dad but in time you will learn to live with your loss.
I know you asked about sleep. There are some sleep meditations and relaxation meditations on YouTube that you can download free of charge. If you find you really are struggling to sleep then it may be worth talking to your GP about short-term medication.
I am pleased you have felt able to see your GP LaurieRose and and have some medication that may help.
Take one day at a time particularly as you prepare yourself for your dad's funeral. Support your son and your daughter as best you can. It is important that you support yourself too even if that means some alone time for you if you feel you need it.
You may wish to do something to say your own special goodbye to your dear dad. Something for you to think about when you are ready, or you may already have plans.
Take good care LaurieRose and know that we are here for you when you need us,
Thank you. I haven't started it yet because I'm worried about the side effects even if they just last four weeks or so. I need to control my mood at the funeral, it's on 16th October.
but it's just one or two special things to remind me of him and here's a funny one...I'm going to ask for some of his tools haha he would laugh at that. It's because they will remind me of him a lot I used to call him Bob the Builder because he was always making and fixing things. He used to whistle while he worked too.
I've done some nice things for the family and myself to remember Dad. tomorrow we are going on an Alzheimers memory walk and we will be sorting through his things. He didn't have much in the end but it's just one or two special things to remind me of him and here's a funny one...I'm going to ask for some of his tools haha he would laugh at that. It's because they will remind me of him a lot I used to call him Bob the Builder because he was always making and fixing things. He used to whistle while he worked too.thanks for your support Lottie, it's nice to have a place to talk. Hope you are well yourself and having a nice evening.
The Alzheimers memory walk sounds very positive. I am sure it will be supportive for everyone taking part and moving too.
I did smile when I read about your dad's tools and that you called him Bob the Builder. Those memories are so important, like the whistling too.
Try not to worry about side effects of your medication. The list with your tablets is comprehensive but does not mean you will have any side effects. Just be aware of the potential for side effects.
I am doing well thank you and trying to look forward positively.
Take care LaurieRose and remember that we are here,
Our fabulous Hidden has gave you some very helpful and caring advice there just remember you are not alone I too lost my mum who I was very close to and it literally feels like your heart has truly broken doesn't it.. at a distressing time like this you don't need to hear things family members are saying negative about you dad that's the last thing you want to hear they should support you all through this very heartbreaking time..believe me during loss and grief family either become stronger or more distant in my case I've not spoken to any of my family my sister since my mum died due to them saying and being cruel about my mum I've no intention to reconcile either.. sad really but there's certain things some of us just can't forgive....anyway your dad sounds like a fabulous man who has a huge amount of love for his loved ones..look at it this way my friend by the sound of it you've always been your dad's angel....now he's yours 💜 just take it day by day I'm not going to lie to you and say it gets better it doesn't you learn to cope everyday and push through each day the best you can the pain becomes bearable over time you do eventually accept that he's gone but you will always keep him alive in your thoughts your heart he will live on through you
Thank you so much. Yes I appreciate all the kind words and it's nice to know i'm not alone and although sad that people have suffered the same it's encouraging to know we can learn to cope. It's so nice to feel some warmth makes it easier to cope. I suppose my family are still in shock. The funeral is arranged now, the timing isn't great but it comes first so my son, daughter and I will have to put on hold our other comittments for that day. your mum and not your da still the parent we were closest to. I try hard to be warm and caring to my mum and she says she wants to be closer to me but when I give her love and attention she gets all nasty I will never understand and I hate to say it and admit it but after reading other peoples stories, not sure if it was here or on another search....it's best not to have toxic people in your life. Maybe the death of a loved one is a new beginning and a time to review our lives and see who is important to us. I;ve been a people pleaser my entire life brought up to be polite and put others first which is fine, but I've ben forgetting myself. Dad passing has made me realise that. I'm the oldest in the famiy now apart from my mum so I have to be strong but I'm also going to think of myself first...it feels kind of cheeky haha xx
I understand how you feel seems we have that in common but it was
Thank you to my new friends on here you truly feel like a new family my online folks. Through supporting each other we are stronger. I appreciate all your kind words and I hope I haven't and never do miss anyone's posts or accidently not reply. I get a little confused sometimes as I have mild cognitive difficulties through aging. I asked GP if I could have the genetic testing for dementia as my dad got it early and my grans sister had it, but they don't do it. I'm going to look online for details I'm guessing will have to pay privately. I'm going adrift again a bit self absorbed, Just wanted to thank you and say I'm here for you too.
If you ever want to talk let me know. This upcoming -oct 12 will be one year for me of the loss of my dad. It is very very very hard. Love him and miss him everyday.
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