Loss and bereavement

[etaylor32]

Three years ago my husband and I suffered a miscarriage very early on into the pregnancy. It was very heartbreaking and very upsetting. We now have a two year old boy but I am still struggling with the bereavement of losing our first child. There were no medical reasons to our loss but I feel I need answers as to why. I feel very guilty and am still hurting that I've now been diagnosed with depression.

[Natsteveo]

Hi etaylor32 welcome to our community..

Can I firstly say I am so sorry for your loss my heart really goes out to you as I myself lost my first child at 22 weeks gone...the pain you feel as a mother is heartbreaking, and no matter how many babies your heart will always yearn for the little one that didnt make it!!! As you watch your children crawl....walk....first tooth... every little milestone you will automatically think 'I wonder how old our first would of been when they done this and done that...this is all your grieving for your child as any mother does you will never get over your loss but you will learn to cope with the loss maybe plant a tree in your garden so you have something there for your little one...I had a baby a few years later a girl whos 21 this year and a going to be a first time mum herself but she knows all about her brother who was born asleep first it is so hard and then you learn to push through it but you will always miss your baby ur a mother thats what us mummys do..did you not find out why it happened? Maybe if you ask the dr who dealt with you during your loss they will have some answers for you hope this comforts you in some way here if you need to chat just remember your not alone

Love nat xx

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there etaylor32

I'm so sorry you are suffering such pain. The loss of a child is beyond words, the pain of grief somehow magnified tenfold.

Of course you want to know why but sadly, it seems you won't get to the bottom of why. What I would say is that they were a part of you, loved and cherished and always will be, no-one can take that away from you. Try to embrace that love and keep the special feeling in your heart.

I understand that pain has caused depression but please try not to waste time looking back but look forward to the happiness your two year old brings you.

Take care {{{hugs}}}

Chloe

[Anella]

I'm so sorry for the loss of you and your husband's baby. Long before a child is born, they say, it is loved by its parents. There is a special bonding with the mother.

While the father doesn't have the same intense physical bond as the mother, he still can develop an intense love and bond with the baby still in the mother's womb. When that baby dies, parents feel that a real person has been lost. Both parents grieve for their baby just as they would for someone who had lived for some time. Several years ago, I lost 9 family members in 1 year. I read the brochure "When Someone You Love Dies". That brochure was perfect because it was like a friend just talking with me and consoling me. I really liked the section where it gives a list of positive thoughts that I read over from time to time to encourage me when I'm feeling low. It even lists and explains the stages of grief and how to give and receive comfort when grieving. It also has a section on miscarriages and sudden infant death syndrome. I added the link below. It helped me so much and I want you to have the opportunity to experience the comfort it gave me. Please let me know what you think about the brochure and also how you are doing. Big hugs.

jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&pu...