Replaying in my mind

[Lperica10]

Did this ever happen to anyone... replaying the day your loved one passed... it's been happening to me in my head... details like leading up to before they passed, to the passing, and right after the passing. Not sure why it's replaying now 8 months later.

[Kelly55]

I have this too, repeatedly my mind goes through the last day my mum was alive and through her passing away and the aftermath. It's been 13 months since my mum passed and I'm still thinking things over, it does come and go more though as the time has gone on. I'm on a waiting list for counselling still but hoping that will help. I'm guessing it's normal to feel like this though, we have to take it one day at a time xx

[Natsteveo]

I get this alot my doctor diagnosed me with ptsd because i would wake up screaming and shaking and reliving that day over and over its not very nice to go through that moment. Hope you feel better soon

Love Nat xxx

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Natsteveo]

Now that is distressing Natsteveo I'm sorry to read this xx

Chloe

[Natsteveo in reply to chloe40]

Im not as bad at the minute as im slowly training my brain to refocus on something good this was advised by my counsellor or i get up have a cup of tea and just try and remove it its very hard though when youve had a traumatic time.. hopefully it will ease eventually..

Love Nat xxx

[RoboMark]

I've had this ever since my mom died, and it's been almost 2 years now. No idea how long it goes on for, maybe forever. I try to block it out as much as possible because it doesn't do any good to continually replay these events in the mind, but the memories are just too strong in my case. Perhaps you were able to suppress the memories for a while but then something triggered them. I hope you get over this soon, there's not much to be gained by continually going over the events surrounding someone's death. Try to think of the times you had together, and not dwell on the end.

[Hidden]

Yes I regularly do that and there is nothing wrong in it. I try to divert my thoughts to happier times though as this helps me more.

I did my best for both my parents but I still feel guilty as though I should have been able to do more. Regrets only make you unhappy and you can't change it. I know both my parents are still with me and I imagine them looking down and saying 'I am gone but will always be here, so remember me but get on with your own life and be happy'.

I don't call myself religious but find comfort in my belief that one day we will all be together again.

[chrissapam]

yes, all the time...6 years on....part of my life now!

[Natsteveo]

I agree with chrissapam it does become part of u but it gets slightly easier to deal with when you know how i dint think it goes away as its traumatic our bodys react to trauma by reliving the reason we have these reoccurring nightmares and events...i try to take my mind of it now by taking my attention away from that moment u wake up otherwise it stays with me fir days and its not very nice....

Love Nat xxx

[jonnyd01]

I replay that day and the day b4 when my beautiful 46 yr old wife was was rushed in virt every day.....i still find it so hard to think of all the good times without being catapulted back to those days and the aftermath.....ill never forget and deep down prob don't want 2.

[Lperica10]

Thank you everyone. This website helps me so much. Thanks.

[jaykay777]

Yes, Lperica10. the tapes are still in my head three years after my husband passed, but they are infrequent and elicit only mild feelings. They go something like this: Oh yes, the phone woke me at 11 p.m., the voice identifying himself as a nurse at my husband's nursing home. Pause. I assume the nurse is going to tell me my husband fell again and broke something else. Nurse: "Your husband died in his sleep at 10:30 p.m. It was peaceful. The man from the funeral home is here. Do you want to see your husband?" I respond, "No, for the last few weeks he has looked like he was dead." The tape fast-forwards to the next day. I will take a walk and strangers who see me won't know I am a widow. (Tape rewinds to repeat itself in days, then weeks, then months.)

[Lperica10 in reply to jaykay777]

Thank you for sharing. I remember every little detail and everything anyone said. I got a text message from my sister to call her when I can (she knew I was at work and was done at 3). I called her from the parking lot. (I already knew something was wrong by her text). She said "dad went into shock at the nursing home and he was rushed to the nearest hospital and they had to sedate and intubate him then life flight him to the big hospital where his doctors were." She and I both knew this was it. And the rest goes from there... he "lived" on life support for 5 days then we knew we had to let go. We knew he was "gone" the day they "saved" his body.

[jaykay777]

Whether or not to keep a loved one on life support is a question I've had to answer too many times in my life. Now 86, I have yellow "Do not resuscitate" orders (signed by doctors) in my wallet and on file in the hospital I use and the independent living facility where I live. I have also told my children, "When the time comes, let me go."

[Lperica10 in reply to jaykay777]

That is good that you have that in order so your loved ones aren't faced with that difficult decision and they can honor what you would have wanted. Every hospital, nursing home, and rehabilition place, my dad signed that he wanted EVERYTHING possible done to save him. So that is what he had done. However in the end we knew it was the end because on life support the doctors said his body was fighting to let go, all organs were shutting down, dialysis would not work -kidney function was 0, he would not respond to anything. We knew it was the end of his battle, unlike the other time he was on life support 4 years ago to help him come back, and he was responding. This was the end of his disease. When we told them we wanted to see if there was any response taking him off the machines, ventilator and the sedation, they did and he was gone in 12 minutes.

[jaykay777]

It is a blessing that these options are available and that people can talk about it freely. In 1959, when my first husband was dying, I had to make that choice for him. I knew I couldn't consult his sisters who had sat by his hospital bedside for a week, waiting for him to "wake up" despite the doctors' telling them it would not happen.

[mysmugcat]

Yes. It's just over ten weeks for me.it can be heartbreaking, the memories.