Following on from the last poll: Did ... - Bereavement Care ...
Following on from the last poll: Did you request/have bereavement counselling or therapy to cope with multiple losses / complicated grief?
chloe40Administrator24 Voters
Yes and I have to say it was a life saver. A safe space. Sometimes a painful one but it’s somewhere I can go and not be told how I “should” be feeling.
Absolutely Will2015abc so pleased you found that.
Chloe x
Waited since June for counselling from steps from wellbeing chased twice they finally phoned me last week and can now only offer an appointment during the day and I can’t take time of work even though I explained this previously
Oh really, is there any flexibility here mira99 I do hope so, most people are busy working etc during the day and you'd think your work would be more amenable wouldn't you?
Chloe x
hi mira you can get online counselling I know its not the same but you could enquire about it.
Thank you yes I will ask for that
Thanks Kenny kenster1 vey kind of you! When have time, perhaps you could let me know the details of how/who provides this so I can add it to the resources.
Chloe x
I paid for counselling myself after the counsellor at my surgery, who I had seen before, .refused to see me (!). I haven't approached Cruse as yet and unsure if I will or not.
Karen
Karen that's unbelievable klr31 I could add a lot more but I'm sure you know what I'd say !
Take care of yourself x
Chloe x
Thank you.
I don't know why she refused to see me as I wasn't given a reason and it was some time after I had requested counselling again. Very strange!
Karen
I think all grief is complicated and we make it more so by worrying if we are doing it the right way. Long enough, too much, expecting it to pass . We are never prepared for it and I'm not sure we should be, but we do get caught out. My church has a fully qualified grief counselor , no charge to members. Isn't that wonderful ? I saw her regularly for two years. It was a huge help . Pam
That is wonderful Pam and they always have time for anyone that needs them, I would always recommend them.
Thank you!
Chloe
I preferred not to have any counseling sessions.
Have been offered recently ,but declined.
I've been to counselling for over a year and it was for a different reason. My counsellor has been very good, initially it was from the NHS but my counsellor got qualified and is now private but still sees me once a week free of charge as i said I couldn't afford it she said she wouldn't just end it with all what I've been through. The awful thing is I feel guilty for not feeling any grief after my Mum died. My counsellor said obviously I had done all my grieving during the time my Mum was a live!! It was such an awful death and I was relieved it was all over. I thought about my Mum every day she was alive wondering was she ok today and was she comfortable etc., now I hardly think about her and yet we had the strongest bond for each other. She only died in June. I feel lonely yes but I knew it was coming. I dealt with her death, the funeral all of it on my own. I cant believe that i really dont feel anything now.
Your counsellor sounds like a very good person.i'm sure she's right and you were processing your grief while you Mother was still alive. Grief being the odd thing it is you may experience it in the future or not at all. It is very individualized process. Just know that however you experience it will be right for you. You and your Mother share this life event together. You can't grieve without someone to grieve for. So you are together . Pam
Thanks sweetiepie yes I'm sure that your right, which makes sense. The only thing that really puzzles me is that with all the people that I know who have lost their Mum, all of them have said not a day goes by without me thinking of her. It almost makes me feel guilty that I dont or if I do on odd days I quickly turn to something else so I dont have to think about it. I was lucky to have known my Mum was dying and we both said some lovely things to each other. She said she loved me so very much and not to cry as I wld see her in heaven and to look after my little garden. I read poetry to her, played songs and also said how much I loved her. Talked about all the good times we had etc., so I was so very fortunate to say goodbye. Thanks so much for your reply xxx
I had three different lots, the first one was good but timed, so felt rushed. The second one was face to face and did not get much from it, again it was timed and I felt she was telling me how I should be feeling and my thoughts. The third and final time, still ongoing when I need it, was a life safer. No time limit, the counsellor knew what I was feeling because she belongs to the Charity, for which I support in memory of my little sister. It was like talking to an old friend on the phone and I felt I got and still do, get so much from it.
I'm really pleased to read this JOLLYDOLLY just knowing you can contact them makes all the difference I feel.
Chloe x
Definitely and what is nice Chloe40, is that she tells me a little about herself as well, so not all one sided. Take care, love J x
It's always nice to have a one to one relationship like that JOLLYDOLLY hope she continues to help for as long as you need her x
Chloe
Thank you Chloe, Take care x
I actually started seeking counseling in anticipation of deaths that were looming in my family. My brother (in law) died tragically in a motorcycle accident after I had already committed to therapy. I paid for services out of pocket as these were not covered under my policy.
Sorry to read this sunandbutterfly that's very tragic indeed, I do hope you keep in touch. x
Chloe
I tried talking to a psychologist about 5 years after my mom died. I was so depressed that I just couldn't function well. I was stressed all the time and got angry or frustrated really easily. I talked to him for about an hour and his words to me were, "You probably won't come back for another appointment. I don't see you as the type of person who would accept advice that is provided from me. Is that correct?" I had to say yes.
I'm very stubborn and don't really listen to someone who thinks they can fix me with words and medication. Let me grieve the losses I have had. It takes time but I finally get out of the darkness. Then someone else dies and I start over again. I'm running out of family members so hopefully things will stop.
Coming to this site is the best thing I have ever done. I feel good about being anonymous and feel that the replies are genuine. I finally have some friends who know what I'm going through. Friends who can suggest things that helped them. Friends that lift you up with confirmations of your strength and compassion. Friends that try to calm you down and send you hugs and prayers. And friends that love unconditionally.
These friends are ones I have never met in person and yet that doesn't make a difference to me. You, all of you, are greatly appreciated and have helped in so many ways. Thank you so much for being here.
Hello No1wthayla
Firstly, I am very sorry that you had such a poor experience xx
Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a great deal to me. I feel our forum is unique in that it allows absolutely anyone who is grieving the opportunity to talk with others about what is, a very personal experience of loss. I feel proud that we have such wonderful members, all ready to help out someone they don't know but do know the pain they are going through, without you all we are nothing.
I really hope we hear more from you on our forum x
Chloe x
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