So I found out I got herpes: Im trying to come to... - BASHH


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So I found out I got herpes

twinings profile image

Im trying to come to terms with it. I feel so alone and have been stressing since. I feel like breaking down

18 Replies

Dear twinings,

Herpes is very common, so please don't feel you are alone. If you haven't already it's worth discussing treatment options with a Sexual Health / GUM clinic (

Visit for more information or phone their support line 0845 1232305 for advice.

Kind regards.

At the clinic they said I dont really need any treatment as such. Im just worried about my future now

1 Genital herpes is caused by a herpes simplex virus (type 1 or type 2) – most people catch at least one type, sooner or later.

Most don't know they have it:

1 in 5 will have no symptoms;

3 in 5 will have mild symptoms so are unlikely to be diagnosed;

1 in 5 will have obvious symptoms and will be diagnosed.

2 These viruses are relatively harmless and do not affect future health or fertility.

3 The word 'incurable' is used to make it seem important when it isn’t.

4 Some people get recurrences – we can advise on how these can be reduced and stopped.

5 It's not the only infection that stays with us – chickenpox, glandular fever and many other infections also hide in the body. Nobody makes a fuss about them.

Don't worried better.the show must go on.^^

Trying not to worry but it does come to mind sometimes. Think im scared that I wont find anyone that will accept it or understand it

I found this out two days ago too.

Its been awful, im having the exact same feelings.

I recently found out however, that someone I know has had it her whole life (she unfortunately caught it on her first sexual encounter) and she's been living a completely normal life ever since. She's had boyfriends, she's gone on dates, and she's got a great job. She has met guys that are completely understanding and really supportive. You will be surprised how people react, most people are actually more understanding than we give them credit for. Once you know more about it yourself you will feel much more confident telling potential partners.

There is no need to let it define your life. You should go to your nearest GUM clinic or STI clinic and get a meeting to discuss it (this is what I'm planning on doing) and stop focusing on what you can't do and think about the things you CAN do.

We just have to think, in a sense, we are lucky, we can still live a completely normal life almost unaffected.

All the best of luck, I know its tough, but you will find the strength and when you do you will come out the other side a better person for it. We are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for

poor you. the first outbreak is the worst - fever, rash and it does not completely go away for the first two months. however, the good news is after 2-3 years (i've had it for 5 years now) outbreaks become more rare, 2-4 times a year, and I sometimes forget that i have it until another outbreak occurs.

What can you do about it: try out different medicine - your doctor most likely will prescribe you aciclovir because it is the cheapest (and not the newest) treatment. however, there are others out there (famvir, valtrex etc)- find out what works best for you. take it early when you just start feeling itchy down there, it'll prevent an outbreak. use an antiviral/herbal cream together with the pills. use condoms in the future. dont have sex when you have an outbreak.

enjoy your life and dont think about it when you dont have it.

Thanks for those words Jayne

Mbregina, I dont have a fever at all, and I think im having my second out break, didnt feel nothing like first one, I think since ive been stressing about it seems it has come back worse as j only had one blister but not I can feel other ones.. I will look those and see which fit me

Sex is out the question, stopped it 3 months ago as I was scared of catching something and waiting for the right person and since it been that long, so to be told I have herpes was a hella a shock to me :( but im trying not to stress as much now

I found out I had it in September last year and I felt so ashamed and upset that I had it. You come to terms with it after a while. I've had 2 outbreaks of it since September and neither has been anywhere near as bad as he first, I've not had sex with anyone since I found out I had but this is only because I've not had the time to haha.

I'm not really sure how to tell someone if I was planning on sleeping with them! I'm sure if someone cares enough though they won't mind. It's not the end of the world :). More people have it than you realise.

twinings profile image
twinings in reply to agg602

Everyone seems to say the first outbreak was bad but i dont remember mine being so bad.. i only get the one sore so maybe thats why who knows ay

what are you like telling people? Do yo tell them or keep it quiet?

I have it but I always forget I've got it until someone mentions it! 7 out of 10 people have it in some form, it's so stupidly common. It's more common than diabetes and cancer.

It's not a proper STI, it's only considered one because of how it can be transmitted (through sex) and because it can appear on your genitals. Apart from (usually) the type of herpes it's exactly the same as a cold sore around your mouth or a whitlow on your finger. If someone had a whitlow and touched you somewhere where you'd cut yourself you could get herpes in that area.

I can't stress how much this isn't a big deal. I just view it like thrush, it's just annoying and inconvenient but there's absolutely no health risks and it goes away after a week or so. My doctor gave me medicine for chicken pox and shingles (also types of herpes) when I was first diagnosed, it didn't even mention it was used to treat herpes, which to me showed me how little a deal it was.

With regard to telling people be honest, but make sure you have the facts to hand so you can reassure them. is an amazing website to visit for reassurance and to give you all the facts about it and helping you with ways to bring it up with people. Also remember that you can't always pass it on, only right before, during or right after an outbreak. The rest of the time it's like you don't even have it.

If people you tell aren't ok with it then they're idiots and not worth your time as far as I'm concerned, as long as you've given them the facts and things. When I was first diagnosed I was mortified and basically thought I'd be alone for the rest of my life. But after reading the website above I realised that was a load of crap and it was literally the most pointless thing to worry about. My doctor told me not even to bother coming back for more medicine if I had another outbreak as it would have disappeared before I'd managed to get to her anyway.

Please please please don't let this worry you. It's so not a big deal it's ridiculous. I wouldn't have sex with someone if I get thrush - I wouldn't have sex with someone if I have a herpes outbreak. It's exactly the same to all intents and purposes in that it doesn't do anything health-wise, it's just a bit annoying.

And I'd much rather have it down below than on my mouth where people can see it!!!

Ash2471 profile image
Ash2471 in reply to xturner

I've been diagnosed 2 months a go and had my second out brake recently but I never got over the fact I've got it until these 2 months and I've been to see a number of people about it but after reading your comment you have made me see it in a different way, thank you so much, I can't thank you enough I'm glad I came on here and seen your comment, I just hope when people start to find out about me they see it the same way as you do :/

xturner profile image
xturner in reply to Ash2471

Really glad to hear this! It's never nice to have to tell someone but if they're mature then they'll see it for what it is. If they don't then they're not worth your time anyway! I see it as at least you've had the decency to tell them - I still don't know who gave it to me!

That last bit meant to say I wouldn't have sex with someone if I had a herpes outbreak... Autocorrect!!

Just saw you posted this 6 moths ago. How has it been?

twinings profile image
twinings in reply to xturner

Its always at the back of my mind, trying to come to terms with it but still havnt of yet. Im scared i might pass it on by accident and the person will know its me.. feel ashamed and wondering why me out of all people. I trusted people who i thought i could.. Only two friends know i have it. one was creeped out by it and my other friend was fine with it.. wanted to test the reaction from people who are close to me so i can predicted how other people will react, so that has kinda set me back a little

its only recent that I have started to sleep with someone again but they dont know i have it. Im scared to tell them.. Only had one breakout (i think) trying not to stress as i told it can cause me to have a out break... hopefully i will come to terms of it at some point

you tool just use protection

Don't stress, visit to put your mind at rest and figure out how to tell the person you're sleeping with. I can't stress how much it's not a big deal. Don't let it worry you! Glad you've started sleeping with someone again xx

Check out my profile to see a couple of long replies that I've written about just how common HSV is and a bit of advice about telling people.

I've had it for 20 years and life's pretty good. It'll be fine 😊

just got herpes from my cousin keiran

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