If only I was normal

[venusofthenorth]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 16 and in my experience, having a neurofunctional disability is sort of the kiss of death to life as I know it. Ever since I was diagnosed I've been held accountable for being different, been blamed and scapegoated for everything problematic because I'm the different person and I've had a very, very aggravating battle to make a living as an autistic person. What's worse is that I'm holding myself accountable for being autistic as well and I don't know how to navigate the very subtle differences between me and everybody else. It feels so arbitrary that when normal people make requests they get things sorted out and when I make requests we're pinning it to my diagnosis regardless of who I am and what I'm like. Does anybody else feel like their person is overruled by this condition?

[Hidden]

We are all different - I have trouble with maths and don’t understand music and find social situations difficult. And we deserve to be treated with respect and supported - we all have to help each other - we have to use teacher, carers, doctors and manager - we all need somebody - nothing wrong in asking for help

[venusofthenorth in reply to Hidden]

I'd mind doing so a lot less if only the "respect" and "concern" regarded me, the person rather than me, the helpless autistic lil' idiot.

[Hidden in reply to venusofthenorth]

You are not idiot - all our brains function differently for instance I am not good at maths but am good in science - we all have our plus and minus and support is good because they can do it

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

If they abuse you or make fun of you that would be wrong - their job is to support you

[venusofthenorth in reply to Hidden]

Do tell THEM that

[Itzallgood1 in reply to venusofthenorth]

I just read this comment and was really sad to read this. People do NOT have the right to put others down. Everybody is beautiful in their own way. I think the others should look in the mirror and I dare them to call themselves perfect.

[venusofthenorth in reply to Itzallgood1]

Happy to find we're all in agreement here.

[Itzallgood1 in reply to venusofthenorth]

It really made my blood boil.

[Inarticulate]

Not really.

I was 45 when diagnosed, and for me it explained a lot and authenticated my experience was different. Prior to that, I held myself accountable for not being able to do what others did so naturally.

It’s given me permission to be myself and accept the world is geared towards a different group. I don’t justify myself. I don’t care whether stuff is pinned to me being autistic or not.

That being said, I’m not a young person or teen having to be told what to do, or having to justify my behaviour.

Not sure if that’s where you’re at and why your experience is so negative consequently. For me, it’s provided the legal assistance I’m entitled to and a reason not to have to explain myself.

[venusofthenorth in reply to Inarticulate]

I'm happy your diagnosis was of help to you. "Assistance" to me feels debilitating. Not because I'm expecting myself to do everything on my own (nobody does), but because Swedish law and social understanding of neurofunctional disabilities delegitimize the person suffering from a condition to being a social security matter by proxy, like a walking charity case or a simpleton, not as real adults or an actual people.

[Inarticulate in reply to venusofthenorth]

I can believe that it will feel that way especially if the only way you get viewed by others is through the autism lens.

I guess our views of our conditions are different too. Your phrasing indicates a disability and mine a neurodiversity.

Does the law require that this sensitive data be shared - even if you withdraw consent? I’m wondering if you have the right to decide who has access to that info. Maybe not to erase but the shape the interactions around you.

[venusofthenorth in reply to Inarticulate]

I think it's a matter of maturity. I might jus grow into it once I find a way to make peace with it. I just shared the above statement in hopes I wasn't alone struggling in it.