I don't know what to do

[Janice717]

Hi everyone

I haven't been officially diagnosed with CA, still undergoing tests.

I suffer from depression and at the moment my anxiety levels are through the roof. My elderly mother lives alone and is putting pressure on me to visit although I have stayed away since March to protect her (except for a brief visit on her birthday) She has, however, allowed visitors from her village into her home the whole time and either doesn't understand or ignores govt advice.

I have tried to explain over the phone that me and my brother (who has been shielding due to health problems) are reluctant to visit as she has so many people in and out, but's it's not getting through. Am I being selfish?

[Arlo20]

Hi Janice,sorry to hear you are suffering just now,ive had bouts of depression for 25 years i was lucky in a way as my old gp also did too i think you have to have it to understand how it feels.I have been waiting for over 7 weeks for mri scan results from QCUH as a result my depression has gone off the scale so frustrating,regarding your mum maybe you could go visit mask up and talk through open window or on doorstep without going in keeping your distance and yourself safe as covid is still very much out there.keep your chin up and be safe.

[Janice717 in reply to Arlo20]

Thanks Arlo for your reply. I too was diagnosed with depression about 25 years ago though I think I had it a long time before that. My balance started going haywire when I was about 40 (24 years ago) and my brother and other members of my family have the same thing although he and my grandfather diagnosed with MS. Neurologist thinks it's genetic so after my MRI I've had blood tests, still waiting for results. MRI appointment came through in a week, you should come to Somerset for a faster result!

I also had a fall last November resulting in head injury, still getting headaches from that.

Sorry for moan, hard to feel positive at the moment.

Hope you soon get your results. Take care

[Arlo20 in reply to Janice717]

Your not moaning lol i fell and broke a rib,that was november 2017 start of my symptoms gone downhill rapidly since.

[february]

Dear Janice717, I was diagnosed with Sporadic Cerebellar Ataxia (unknown cause/progressive ) 20+ years ago, and have been on an anti-depressant medication (originally for a different reason)for several years now, before my diagnosis. In 2017, I had genetic exome testing and found out my ataxia was due to late/adult onset Niemann Pick C (NPC)disease. Anyway, I would suggest you see a therapist for your deppression/severe anxiety, as there is help available! In regards to your mom, I'm currently dealing with the exact same scenario as you, which is extremely hard on me, especially during this Pandemic! Have you thought of maybe having a caregiver go into your moms home a few hours a day, as I'm sure she's lonely! We did this (my sisters and brother) for my mom (3/4 hours each day) and it's really helped her...,thankfully! I was feeling quite overwhelmed with my ataxia limitations, the Pandemic and keeping mom safe, as she means the world to me and I love her very much! Anyway, I hope you can get some help with your depression/anxiety and with your mom! Thinking of you..., ;o)

[Janice717 in reply to february]

Thank you for your reply.

A neighbour of Mum recently suggested to her having some help but she flatly refused. She used to have carers but now says she would rather do things herself (a very stubborn lady!) People in her village are very good and keep an eye on her, but as I said in my original post I worry about the number of visitors she's having, due to social contact being limited.

I have seen several therapists over the years and I was coping until lockdown, now I seem to be anxious and very intolerant of everyone and everything. Hopefully things will get back to normal, or as normal as things can be now, and life will improve.

I hadn't heard of NPC so looked it up, I'm so sorry you are going through that and send best wishes to you, and to your mom.

[Jessie70]

Hi. I can empathize with your situation. Although my mom passed away years ago and my father lives in another state. I truly believe you have to do whatever your comfortable doing. Maybe write a letter explaining? List your concerns to your mom? At the very least it may be cathartic for you.

Take care and good luck with your mom.

[Janice717 in reply to Jessie70]

Hi, thanks for your reply. I sent an email to Mum today (at 97 she's coming to grips with an ipad!) I suggested she is probably depressed, her husband, my stepdad, died last year and she hates living alone, plus the stresses of this year with lockdown etc. I offered to contact her GP but knowing Mum she will refuse.

She replied saying she will ring me, not really looking forward to it but it should be ok.

Best wishes

[auntiesally in reply to Janice717]

My advice to you is, ring her GP, ask for advice and for someone to visit her, tell them she is 97 and stubborn, they deal with people like your mum all the time, go and see her, sit in the garden? Wear a mask etc.....................dont leave it to late,

[Janice717 in reply to auntiesally]

Hi. Thanks for your advice. Have asked GP to visit before and Mum says she's fine! I will go soon, as you say don't leave it too late, one of my fears. She's a difficult person to help, fiercely independent, cannot show empathy or love. I have missed that close mother daughter bond, makes me sad thinking how different things could have been.

[auntiesally in reply to Janice717]

I know where you are coming from, but you mustnt feel guilty, your mum will not change, you do what YOU think is right, hope it all works out for you...........this covid 19 has caused a lot of pain and heartache to many,