Here we go again!!!

[RD23]

Well silly me forced myself to go back to work yesterday as: a) I don’t get sick pay yet b) our IT department are useless and can’t sort my remote access and c) I like to be seen to be making an effort in an attempt to stop the bitchy comments.

Today I’m now back in A&E after my third attack in a week because I tried to do too much! I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and the paramedics didn’t seem in any great rush to get me here despite the fact I could barely keep my eyes open and was in tears (unusual for me) I know they’re only doing their job but telling me not to get upset as I’ll only make it worse and then telling me you appreciate how difficult it is (I don’t think you do mate, no offence) just isn’t helpful!

I hate to sound selfish and forgive me if I do, but my partner is stressed with work at the moment so his anxiety is worse and subsequently he can’t deal with me, my asthma and hospitals and told me the other night he needed me to be strong for him. I did point out, probably very unsympathetically that I can just about be strong for myself, let alone anybody else at the moment! Am I terrible?

[Lysistrata Administrator Community Ambassador]

ugh 3 in a week! That's a lot to deal with - I don't think it's selfish that you don't have the energy for anything else. It's rubbish timing that your partner is stressed at the same time but you can't draw on resources you don't currently have spare! I don't think it makes you a bad person. I believe there's plenty out there saying that it's pretty impossible to look after anyone else if you are spent - often in relation to carers but I would apply to partners as well.

Can't help feeling that the policy of not paying for sick leave for so long doesn't really reduce overall absenteeism or improve productivity even when people are ill short term (ie not with a chronic condition) and force themselves to go back early because of pay.

I doubt it's actually illegal in terms of the Equality Act but does have a particularly bad effect on people with a chronic condition and IMO doesn't send a good message about a company.

Sorry this is probably not helpful but huge sympathy/virtual hugs etc! I also hate being told not to get upset especially by someone who doesn't know the whole picture.

[RD23 in reply to Lysistrata]

Thank you! The virtual hugs are much appreciated and will probably make me cry! 😂😢

I know nobody really knows what it’s like to have any illness/condition until they’ve experienced it themselves but I hate the, ‘I know how difficult it is’ well unless you’ve experienced it yourself, then sorry, no you don’t! I’m not sure what else I’m meant to do other than cry when I feel too exhausted to try to breathe! It scares me when I get to that point.

Yeah I started in November and I don’t get sick pay for my first year, I know they do it to try and get rid of the people who take the mickey but for someone with a long term health condition, who is only ever off with that, it really isn’t helpful!

My partner to be fair though has told me he will give me the extra money that I miss out on so it’s not an issue that I feel like I have to go back. I just get this stupid Wonder Woman complex where I feel like I’ve got a point to prove so I force myself to do stuff when really I shouldn’t. It’s my way of coping though, I won’t let myself slip into feeling sorry for myself.

This group is great, honestly don’t know what I would have done this last week without the support.

[Lysistrata Administrator Community Ambassador in reply to RD23]

I think people think they are being helpful but there are ways and ways of saying things. Some medical staff really need to stop and think I find. I also get a bit emotional especially if they aren't listening and then get worried that.they'll blame it all on anxiety/emotion!

I also have a similar attitude with pushing myself and trying to ignore my body - I get so.impatient and think I have stuff to do!

Glad I could be helpful..I hope A and E ar being good with you and.doing something to address that this is the 3rd time.in a week!

[RD23 in reply to Lysistrata]

Exactly! Which is why I always try so hard not to cry but with the best will in the world it’s damn hard when you can’t breathe and don’t feel like they’re helping. I usually get blue lighted and they didn’t until I protested (via pen and paper) because they said I was stable. I might have been stable but I was visibly exhausted and it was my third attack!

They’re letting me go and they can’t seem to offer me any advice. I’m going to try and contact my specialist when I get home and see what she can do.

[Lysistrata Administrator Community Ambassador in reply to RD23]

Ugh. The A and E/paramedic lottery game - 3rd time clearly not the charm after going so well before!

I hope specialist has something useful to add - so exhausting for you!

[RD23 in reply to Lysistrata]

Nope, not at all and getting yourself down off the bed and dressed is exhausting after an attack normally, let alone three. My ribs are so unbelievably sore!

Hopefully! She is usually pretty good at getting me in

[Lysistrata Administrator Community Ambassador in reply to RD23]

The system here in general really needs to pay more attention to context in asthma. I do think it is one of the reasons behind our poor standing in asthma care and asthma mortality as a country - 3rd time in a week should be taken into account!

[RD23 in reply to Lysistrata]

Yep! I’ve said the same for years that they don’t take a holistic view, just treat what is there in front of them. Which, I get, they’re A&E at the end of the day but surely if they want to cut down on numbers it’s better to spend more time with the patient finding out the cause, so they don’t have repeat admissions. But what do I know?! I feel a letter to our new health secretary coming on!

[Birthday60 in reply to RD23]

Have you spoken with your manager to see if you can work more flexibly around your asthma ups and downs? I understand why some businesses can’t pay sick pay - they do have to pay statutory sick pay though. It’s tough having asthma and you don’t say what work you do so it’s difficult to advise you on how to manage it.

[RD23 in reply to Birthday60]

My manager is really good to be fair and lets me work from home when I’m not feeling great. I don’t get sick pay for my first 12 months and I only started in November 🙁

I manage and deliver our education programme, going into schools and delivering educational activities and I manage our employee volunteer scheme. The only thing that affects me work wise and always has is stress and it doesn’t help that I’ve had a few bitchy remarks off people regarding my asthma.

[Birthday60 in reply to RD23]

The problem is that asthma is now so over diagnosed that almost everyone who has ever had a chest infection is now labelled asthmatic - I had it almost from birth before inhalers were available so know how it feels to have an acute attack and a gradual decline without the assistance of a reliever. My trick is to get totally absorbed in a task like a jigsaw or reading so my breathing is able to relax. I would also suggest looking at relaxation tricks especially Pilates. The other think which has been useful to me is I took up XC skiing which gives me 2 weeks of very very tough cardio exercise in Norway which was tough at first but it definitely clears my lungs and makes me fit.... I think doctors should push more for improving fitness and stress over layers or complicated drug regimes. Last tip - avoid Chinese food as msg is a trigger and I am allergic to oranges

[RD23 in reply to Birthday60]

I’ve always said they hand out inhalers like smarties! I got diagnosed when I was two so had it for thirty years now 🙁

Definitely, I sing and I’ve always had dancing lessons and I think these have helped as I only can’t go if I’ve been bad, exercise has luckily never set me off, unless I’m bad anyway.

Yeah I’ve tried various stress relief techniques, even hypnotherapy! I do need to learn to just let go sometimes! But then, don’t we all!