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How to cope with uncaring partner through the attacks

Essygathe profile image
7 Replies

This year has been quite hectic woth on and off attacks.I suffer from cough variant asthma so typically I have coughing the last one month and it gets worse at night...sadly the sdthma doesnt hurt me as much as my husband who has never even gotten up no matter the situation.am afraid of the nights coz he won't even turn and ask what is wrong.I have recently changed my doc and now on yescort and my inhalers after a week of hospitalization.am honestly depressed.how do you deal with this.every time I cough and start gasping for air..I cry so much.my xrays shows hyperinfrated lungs as well.Am new at my job too so getting off some sick off is becoming too much and am afraid of losing the job.sorry for the many words...I need to yell out.

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Essygathe profile image
Essygathe
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7 Replies
Brenviking profile image
Brenviking

My wife told me that it was "only asthma" that I had. Asthma that will need mepolizumab every four weeks for life.

Essygathe profile image
Essygathe in reply to Brenviking

So sorry to hear.

Karjade profile image
Karjade

I am so sorry your husband is like that. Some people do not understand the severity of asthma and how important it is for you to keep calm during an attack. Could you not ask him to accompany you to appointments to nurse, doctor and hospital so he can understand more about asthma? Hope you can get this sorted xxx

Weeannie profile image
Weeannie

I'm so sorry to hear how unwell you have been. I'm afraid I'd have to get rid of the hubby if he were mine. I assume if he has a bad cold he expects you to run after him, while you have a potentially life threatening illness and he can't even be bothered to roll over. Sorry but that type of person just isn't worth the stress which will lead to worsening of your asthma x

Ennyl profile image
Ennyl

Please try just talking with your husband. Get him to open up about how this is making him appear to be. Could it not be that your illness terrifys him ? He could be silent I. Sheer panic An most men find it difficult to show feelings. I understand how this is making you feel your illness can at times be so depressing, please try just talk to your husband try saying how scared you are with everything at the moment. Hopefully he might then feel able to open up about his worry.its easy to get caught up with illness , symptoms we wrap ourselves up in it, but please try to rationalise your thoughts and feelings, to your husband I do hope that he can face this awful time with you I just feel he may be so scared he can't cope with it. Try not to worry bout work or other everyday things get yourself strong in mind and hopefully fitter in body and you will manage your already doing so by reaching out too everyone on this site. I wish you well your husband too, you need to talk to each other not demand or expect seems you both lost your way a little.xx

ChrissieMons profile image
ChrissieMons

Perhaps he is too scared to admit you are very poorly. Some men do this, on the grounds that if he ignores it, it will go away. If he won't talk to you, won't be sensitive to what you need, you'll have to give him the push. You've got enough to deal with without this. He did vow to love you in sickness and in health after all!

Joan_Public profile image
Joan_Public

Hi, I really do sympathize with your situation. My husband also reacts similarly, especially when I have difficulties breathling at night (most nights because, like you, I am going through a bad patch and not in control). If I ask him for support (kind words, hug, etc) then he will respond. We have spoken about it and he does find it all very scary and difficult to get his head round. He has always had very good health and gone down the alternative meds route for any probs, so is confused by, and quite anti, the various stuff I have to take. I suggest you go somewhere neutral and that you tell him how is response to your asthma is making you feel. If you can, try to ask him how he feels about it.

I dont have cough variant, but I do cough a lot bechause I have bronchiectasis and chronic bronchitis as well as asthma. The coughing disrupts both our sleep and much as I would love him to always be sweet and kind, lack of / broken sleep can make anyone a bit fed up. I sometimes go into the bathroom if I got to cough and I have a ultrasonic nebulizer which minimizes the disturbance.

When you talk to him try to stress that this is a life threatening condition, made worse by stress. 3+ people are dying every day from this in uk. Tell him what you need from him. It may take some time. My husband is still very reluctant to listen / understand the different types of meds and how / when they are used: eg reliever preventer, long acting, short acting. My daughter is much better and can set up nebs, knows what to take when.

It is very depressing and isolating having this condition. I have often been met with the response ' its only asthma'. I too worry I will lose my job. Although I only work part time. At times when the lifts are out of order, or there is a change of venue and I arrive late and in a terrible state struggling to breath, or I need time off, it feels like I am being judged negatively.

When I did speak to my husband, he cried about how worried he was and is much more sympthetic now. However, the last time I was bad, he was crying again when what I needed was positive action!

He feels frustrated that even with a lot of meds, it is not sorted and is mistrustful of conventional meds. He will drive me to doc's, but hasn't been to the cons with me. I try to take someone else along for this (daughter / friend). Is there anyone else whom you can ask for support. Even if just to share a cuppa and listen to you rant?

But do try to be clear about what exactly you want / need from him and why and give him time to explain his side of the situstion, how he feels about it. I hope he comes round. Men can be thick as bricks sometimes ( sorry to all the together supportive males out there).

Sending you a big hug x

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