Hi, I only just joined today and its pretty much out of desperation because i think i need help and i dont know how to get it.
I dont like admitting i have asthma. Ive had it mildly since i was a child and its never really stopped me doing anything. The most i would get is a mild coughing fit that would last a couple of minutes and generally wouldnt even need treating for it to stop and let me carry on with my life.
I'm now nearly 31 and that seems to have all changed. I had two pretty severe attacks last year that ended in an ambulance trip to the local hospital and a few days off work. Now most recently i have had three weeks off work and have stopped doing everything that i used to do because i just cant get the energy or the breath to do it anymore.
I used to do Tae Kwon-Do two times a week and now i struggle doing a warm up. I missed my last grading and am now behind the people i started with and its making me feel miserable and i dont even want to go back sometimes (and still havent yet). I'm struggling to sleep at night and then struggling to get up in the morning and i've done nothing around the house where before i would do a lot to help out.
I have gone from needing Ventolin once in a blue moon to Ventolin constantly, Fostair, Avamys for my nose because that keeps closing off and as of tonight will be going onto Singulair tablets. I had a 5 day course of Predisolone (think i spelt it right?) which had horrible effects on me and didnt really seem to do anything. It just feels like its never ending and I'm struggling to accept how much i've been knocked back.
I hate it. I feel weak and useless. I couldnt even take my son to the park and he got really upset about it. I've always felt like i could be there for everyone to lean on and now even thats been taken away. Probably doesnt help that i am quite a prideful person and i do tend to set high expectations for myself. But its not just me its affecting. Its also affecting my relationship with my partner too because i'm struggling so much to accept it.
It was my partner that showed me this forum, that researched all the medications, that has read hundreds of posts on this site and has googled breathing techniques and treatments to try and help me. She loves me to death (probably more than i deserve) and has taken the brunt of my frustrations and i dont want it to carry on like this.
We have three children and another on the way (20 weeks in) and the pregnancy has hit her quite hard. She is emotional (which she hates) and easily upset and is really worried about my worsening condition. I have proven to both her and myself that i suck at recognizing my triggers and she is really good at it but i get cross when she points out that i am getting worse and she then gets upset. I use humour to try and brush it off and she then thinks i am not taking it seriously but I really dont have a lot of choice anymore. She will point out if my fingernails go blue, when i sound wheezy, if i look pale, when i clear my throat, will tell me to huff when i cough and will say when my breathing gets too quick (counting breaths per minute).
I feel like i am constantly under surveillance and it keeps highlighting to me that i am suffering and its driving me mad! I know she is doing it because she loves me but i told her how i felt and she is now devastated. What is wrong with me? I said how would she like it if i did that to her and her response was that she would be so happy that someone cared so much for her. I dont mean to make her upset. I dont want to take out my frustration on her. I just want it to be better so i can get on with my life and stop having to think about it.
I dont know what to do to change things. I'm taking all the meds i'm being prescribed. I'm trying to slowly get my fitness back up. I love her so much and it kills me to see how much my reactions upset her. Please help me come to terms with this.
Thank you for reading.