I was speaking to my friend about my asthma (she also has asthma and is very severe) and was saying about how it was really anoying me thinking that she would understand and then she says to me ""oh i dont think you have asthma your peak flow is really high""(which its not really as i have been at 230 when i am meant to be 450 cant even get past 380) and her pf is around 20 she said to me and then she was like ""oh you never wheeze and you have never been to hospital with a serious attack"". I didn't say anything to her but i was really upset i thought she would understand being asthmatic but she turned it into some kind of competition just because my peak flow is not completly terrible and just because i have not ever had a life threatinig attack that does not mean i dont have asthma ... im just really upset you would think she would be glad i was not feeling awful but she just turned on me i feel really upset and like a fraud and she knows i dont like to see the doctor and now i feel like a fraud and that i am faking it i just can't understand how she could be like that ... anyway love and hugs to all and thanks for listening

Amy xxx

13 Replies

  • Dont worry about it I havent had a very big attack well once i did but i didnt know i was asthmatic then but every one is different and i know that too well


  • hi amy

    i am so sorry to hear your friend is so unsympathetic with you and insulting!

    she should be more supportive and compassionate to you seeing as your both going through the same thing.

    picking up on a few things you mentioned. so what, if you haven't got a wheeze, or havent got a lower PF like her, doesnt mean u havent got severe symptoms like her!!

    if she knew all about severe asthma as she should then she would know that you dont have to have a wheeze to have a severe attack, as not all asthmatics wheeze!! and also, not all asthmatics drop their PF especially if they have higher PF to begin with.

    i know its hard, but try not to let her get to you. i hope you have more supportive friends?

    for all its worth, i hope you do keep well enough that you dont have a severe enough attack that you end up needing a stay in costa del NHS.


    keep well

  • I'm not sure i'd call her a friend to be honest! And a PF of twenty is pretty much dead!

  • Since asthma is something of an 'unseen' condition and one that is often pre judged and surrounded by lots of old wives tails it is very sad to hear of another asthmatic been unsympathetic to a friend and fellow asthmatic.

    Asthma impacts on us all in many ways, obviously some suffer worse than others but to start comparing and belittling somebody else's isn't nice.

    Take are Amy


  • yup, i agree: not much of a friend, and if her pf was only 20 she defo wouldnt b able to talk to u to tell u that it was only 20...

  • I really sympathize with you on this one. I find it really frustrating when people seem to turn conditions like asthma into some osrt of competition. I've had moderate to severe asthma all my life but that doesn't mean i'm unsympathetic when friends and family who aren't asthmatic complain about being unwell.

    She's probably just very frustrated about her own condition at the moment and is taking it out on you, which of course is not fair, but don't let it upset you. K <3

  • Hi Amy,

    Is your friend talking to you through a medium? Or is she contacting you via a ouigie board?

    Its just, if she said her pf is 20, she cannot be alive!!

    Perhaps we are all doing pf readings wrong.

    Please ask her if we should be moving the needle up the pf scale & SUCKING IT !!!

    Also, you are not a fraud !

    Nobody can fake asthma !

    Come to think of it, why would anyone want to?

    Also, until recently, i used to be able to hit 550ish on pf meter.

    After 3 attacks over past couple of months though, the best i can hit now is around 400.

    Since this is much higher than your friends pf reading, perhaps i dont actually have asthma either!

    I feel much better now, perhaps i should throw all my inhalers in the bin, cancel my appointment with resp consultant & appologise to hosp for being admitted last time.

    Howie :)

  • Well said Howie

  • I don't have severe asthma but my peak flow doesn't represent what my lungs are feeling like much because pre-asthma I used to play the flute, my pf can be quite high and I'll still be struggling coz it's low for my lungs! Pf are about where you are compared to your best not compared to other people, for example if she was less fit than you it would be lower, I can beat non asthmatic mates on pf coz they don't excersise much, should I get them on inhalers for that? Hope you feel better soon xxx

  • Hi Amy

    Your friend reminds me of a child I knew who couldn't bear any other child to receive attention from a grown-up, and had to out-do every other child at everything. This child never grew up enough to get over her need for attention or her habit of having to be more deeply affected by everything than anybody else so that everybody would worry about her and make her the centre of attention. Your friend might well be stuck in the same juvenile behaviour pattern.

    I have no idea how to help you to deal with it, I just thought that if you can see that it's her problem and not yours you might feel a bit better.

    Keep well.


  • howie that post has really cheered me up and i feel great! perhaps none of us have asthma, after all?!


  • Is that meant to be her pf was 200 not 20? Still not brilliant anyway.

    She doesn't sound like the most supportive empathic friend. It's not a race to hospital. When you say she has very severe asthma does that mean she has been to A&E/admitted? Even if you haven't, doesn't mean you don't feel awful with asthma. The whole point of asthma treatment is to keep it under control and not life threatening.

  • Hi amy,

    I agree with all the comments on here.

    I have had asthma since a teenager and was never admitted within the first 7yrs or so. It still bothered me though and you still have to be careful.

    You watch your own symptoms and please don't feel like a fraud, I've been there myself and it can be dangerous.

    As many already said, everybody is so different.

    Take care amy.

    Sending a big hug.

    Lydia x

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