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This is a shameless cut and paste of my blog that wrote today see for the full range of ashtma blogs. I have copied it here because I wondered if what I am wibbling about is the same for others?



I have just heard from a friend that after fighting against going in with an asthma attack for some days she has decided that she needs to be admitted and is on her way in. It got me thinking I probably know what started all this for her and it was at least a week ago. It was a moment of madness on her behalf. I have them a lot, the idea that I can walk just that bit further, wait that little bit longer or sit and watch my football team in less than ideal conditions for just another 5 minutes. If I am honest I am very good knowing my own limits and equally good at ignoring them for a while thinking it will be OK. A lot of the time I can walk to the guideline step over and get away with it, but every now and again it comes and demands repayment. It is often not immediate repayment, you think you have actually got away with it but in fact you notice that many things are harder and you need more medication and finally when you do something really not that hard everything gives up on you and you find you are splatted in resus in an A&E somewhere. When you are well enough you can look back and you can trace it all back to that moment of madness a week or so ago.

The dilemma we have is do we stop pushing the limits and stay inside our safe zone or do we say to “hell with it” and keep pushing that little bit harder. For me it is a question of calculated risk most of the time, but if one of my kids was sick or a crisis occurred I know my careful calculations would go out of the window and that a week or so later my moment of madness will have finally caught up with me. Sometimes I get caught up in the moment or have been planning something for so long that nothing is going to come between me and doing it, the Meat Loaf concert was a prime example. I should not have gone of when I arrived as was not well I should have given up, there are no two ways about it. I look back and all I can remember is Meat Loaf’s voice was not what it was 10 years ago, it was very cold and wet and I could not breathe and seemed to spend the whole time on a nebuliser. Was it really worth putting myself through all that just to have memories of being cold wet and unable to breathe? In honesty no but if you ask me I am still glad I went. Whilst I consider I can make an informed judgement on if I should be pushing it then I am happy to carry on as I am. However, I know sometimes my heart rules my head and my judgements are not quite so informed sometimes, it has been OK and I got away with it and sometimes I did not. I guess until someone tells me otherwise I will keep walking up to the guideline looking at it, resenting its very presence and then gently and stealthily step over it hoping it and my lungs won’t notice, saying to myself ""it is after all only a guideline

3 Replies

Hi bex

Hi Bex,

Reading that made me smile at the same time as thinking oops thats me! its often hard to admit when we know weve pushed the limits too far and I have this endless debate with my husband and kids all the time, but like you I have to balance this with ""living my life"" and I think it is inevitable that the 2 will cross at some point.

It is nice to know that the internal debats and madness we go through is not exclusive to our own insanity and others out there go through the same processess as me, thanks for writing that!

take care



It's treading a fine line most of the time - getting the most out of life, and not being overly constrained by our health, but also being reasonably ""sensible"" and not creating risk. I think with things like asthma it's worse, because that line is constantly shifting - on one day, you may be able to do something comfortably, yet on another depending on which way the wind is blowing (sometimes literally) it causes you real problems. For some the line is a tightrope with a huge drop, so the stakes are greater. It's inevitable that all of us will make mistakes and mis-judge things. It's trying to get this message across to others which is really difficult - when they may feel the need to judge you negatively if you happen to have gotten it wrong on the odd occasion.


I fully understand where you are coming from Bex!

Recently, I have been very good with the gradual deteriorations, but when it comes to the sudden humdingers, there is often no warning.

In the past I have nebbed myself silly before going in but now I am much better and admit defeat earlier.

I see it as a like a long slippery slope to a cliff edge. Do I dig in my heels and go in or wait until I have gone over the edge. I usually dig in inches before the cliff edge.



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