This is a shameless cut and paste of my blog that wrote today see talk.nhs.uk/blogs/asthma/de... for the full range of ashtma blogs. I have copied it here because I wondered if what I am wibbling about is the same for others?
I have just heard from a friend that after fighting against going in with an asthma attack for some days she has decided that she needs to be admitted and is on her way in. It got me thinking I probably know what started all this for her and it was at least a week ago. It was a moment of madness on her behalf. I have them a lot, the idea that I can walk just that bit further, wait that little bit longer or sit and watch my football team in less than ideal conditions for just another 5 minutes. If I am honest I am very good knowing my own limits and equally good at ignoring them for a while thinking it will be OK. A lot of the time I can walk to the guideline step over and get away with it, but every now and again it comes and demands repayment. It is often not immediate repayment, you think you have actually got away with it but in fact you notice that many things are harder and you need more medication and finally when you do something really not that hard everything gives up on you and you find you are splatted in resus in an A&E somewhere. When you are well enough you can look back and you can trace it all back to that moment of madness a week or so ago.
The dilemma we have is do we stop pushing the limits and stay inside our safe zone or do we say to â€œhell with itâ€ and keep pushing that little bit harder. For me it is a question of calculated risk most of the time, but if one of my kids was sick or a crisis occurred I know my careful calculations would go out of the window and that a week or so later my moment of madness will have finally caught up with me. Sometimes I get caught up in the moment or have been planning something for so long that nothing is going to come between me and doing it, the Meat Loaf concert was a prime example. I should not have gone of when I arrived as was not well I should have given up, there are no two ways about it. I look back and all I can remember is Meat Loafâ€™s voice was not what it was 10 years ago, it was very cold and wet and I could not breathe and seemed to spend the whole time on a nebuliser. Was it really worth putting myself through all that just to have memories of being cold wet and unable to breathe? In honesty no but if you ask me I am still glad I went. Whilst I consider I can make an informed judgement on if I should be pushing it then I am happy to carry on as I am. However, I know sometimes my heart rules my head and my judgements are not quite so informed sometimes, it has been OK and I got away with it and sometimes I did not. I guess until someone tells me otherwise I will keep walking up to the guideline looking at it, resenting its very presence and then gently and stealthily step over it hoping it and my lungs wonâ€™t notice, saying to myself ""it is after all only a guideline