How do you accept disabilities?

I am feeling quite down at the minute because all my friends are out working and i am stuck at home. I keep doing jigsaws, colouring and crafts. I have loads of DVDs to watch and videos but i am getting really bored. It is lovely and sunny out and there is no one to take me out in it because they are all at work. I know i need to accept i am disabled but how?

11 Replies

  • Hi Plumie

    Have been thinking about this question myself...I don't really want to accept that I am disabled and I think that is making it hard...I just see this asthma as a blip, that I will get over...I think that if I don't then I am going to have to look at my purpose...find something I can do rather than dwell on what I cant't....easier said than done I fear. Just don't know what to advise just wanted you to know that you are by no means alone in this situation.

  • I feel for you both <big hugs>.

    I had lots of problems with asthma as a kid, big time. There were a lot of things I couldn't do and missed out on others that I expected would be ok. I never thought of myself as disabled although the medical profession seemed to. There were just things I couldn't do and life was a bit unpredictable.

    As a kid this must be easier to deal with than your situations, especially as the welfare state likes labels etc. I guess my experience won't help much but please accept my hugs!

  • This is something that I also have a huge problem with. Me? disabled? of course not! We'll just ignore the fact that some days I can barely walk a few steps!

    Sorry, no advice to give, but you're not alone with feeling this way *hugs*

    Dawn x

  • Hi

    I don't accept it personally, cos my mind is brilliant but my body has issues. Whatever the paperwork says cos I have to fight for everything because its the system. I was bored of TV so picked up crafts instead.


  • I keep trying to find groups i can attend but every single one of them i have rung say sorry you are too young this group is for over 55's only. I am totally fedup of being told i am too young!

    I personally do not see my self as disabled but i do struggle to manage 50yards without a walking frame and i certainly cannot get to my bathroom on a bad day or when just out of hospital. I really agree with honey there should be a support group for the severe asthmatics because we do get very isolated!

  • This is a really good question Plumie, but isn't it a complex one? I have experienced poorly controlled asthma for months at a time over the last 20 odd years and have never got used to being so physically limited.

    My current situation has been going on for 13 months now and i have no idea when or if it will end because of another problem 'around or in' my lungs which is limiting me 24/7. I can't get my head round it possibly being permanent.

    I finish work in a few weeks time for the summer (it has been the hardest thing to not go off sick more than i have with it.) And i am focussing on activities that i can do and have wanted to do for a long time like, learn spanish, meditation and yoga and of course lots of reading. I feel part of accepting my limitations for the future is replacing passions i can no longer do with new ones and feeling my life is still fulfilling. If my limitations are permanent, i would look into doing Open University courses too as i know several people on here have mentioned. I think then the acceptance may come with time.

    I realise i am still in work and do have some socialisation time there and i do not classify myself as disabled but may have to rethink that in the future.

    Looking forward to hearing more replies to this.

    Jac xx

  • Long ramble - sorry!

    Plumie, my daugheer in law has convinced me that disability is a state of mind. She was born with spina bifida, internal problems and has some cerebral palsey so she has weakness down her left side, which means that she doesn't walk too well and sometimes has problems carrying the children.

    I've watched her accept when she can't do something and push herself when she thinks she'll get away with it. She's mostly very patient about it but feels free to have a bit of a tantrum from time to time - hell hath no fury like my daughter in law when anybody suggests that she has a disability - she knows that she can't walk far, that she needs to look after her kidney and liver and that she shouldn't put on weight that might stress her spine and leave her unable to walk at all but she is adamant that she is most definitely NOT disabled. So there.

    She's been dealing with this for her whole life, so I think the most helpful thing I can say is give yourself time to get used to the situation, don't beat yourself up when you find you can't do something you used to do, be preparred to give anything a go BUT also be prepared to admit that you need to give up BEFORE you get into a state of collapse.

    I really have rambled on here, but I hope my daughter in law's situation gives you some hope for the future. When I go through a bad patch I know I'm improving when I'm well enough to be bored, so I hope that the fact that you're feeling fed up also means that you're feeling a bit better in yourself.

    Good luck, and don't forget to be nice to yourself!


  • I sometimes see myself as less able bodied but I look at the things I can do, however I manage to do them. Sometimes this means using a wheelchair etc. I see my wheelchair as making me more abled, not disabled.

  • Apologies for another long ramble and hope no-one minds

    Hadn't even considered that this might apply to me at any point, and certainly I don't have it as badly as some or consider myself disabled, but Jac's post made me pause, since I know that her situation is probably most similar to mine in that I am breathless all the time, it's increasingly limiting what I can do and I have absolutely no idea what it is. Like Jac I can work (though if my job were less sedentary I would have problems with that) and can also get out so I'm not too limited, but I do have to choose what I do carefully these days and can be floored by really quite mild exertion.

    In my case I find it very frustrating but see it firmly as temporary and a result of the wheels of the NHS grinding slowly and being overladen (I hope I'm right about this...). I have no medication or diagnosis so it can only really go up from here and I think that makes me view things differently from how I'd see it if I were maxed out on medication etc and still getting nowhere. The 'temporary' nature of this thing also I think makes me more careful as I feel it isn't forever - if I thought it would be more permanent I might actually be more reckless, within the limits of what I could do! Not that I don't sometimes do stupid things and go too far, but I keep thinking 'it's not for too long'.

    I really hope no-one with more severe problems minds me posting this as I know I don't have to cope with the same things and am lucky in many respects, but I've never had anything this limiting before and it does make me see things in a new way (and, I have to say, gives me new respect for anyone who copes with anything like it or worse on a long term basis - when I was healthy and running around at high speed I never considered what it must be like to be limited by your body to the extent where it affects social life etc).

  • Hi Plumie

    I'm stuck at home and have been since November. My boss is trying to discipline me. I'm on half pay and because my partner earns we were awarded £1.50 in housing benefit. We are struggling with bills and I just feel like I'm letting my partner and my 13 year old daughter down. I don't feel disabled but the Occupational Health Doc stated on my report that my condition falls within the remit of Equality Act. Made me stop and think.

    My daughter went away at stupid o'clock this morning to France with school. I see it as a well earned break for her from a mother who is ""always ill"" as she says. I wanted to decorate and re - furnish her bedroom to make it more grown up. I can decorate but just don't have the money to buy new furniture for her, I hate not being able to give her the things she deserves.

    As for being disabled? I am not disabled it's just a blip and one day soon my condition will be well controlled and I will be able to regain some quality of life. So I look forward to that day.

    Hang in there Plumie always look forward to what tomorrow might bring. xxx

  • 'How do you accept disabilities?'

    You just have to!! You have to think of all the things you can to, and the things you find hard or can't do, find ways around it or ask someone to help. I became eletric wheelchair bound at the age of 15, i was able to walk short distances and do most things before then. Everything happens for a reason, even if its unfair there is always a reason. As for being bored and stuck at home all the time i know just how you feel!!!!!!!! Why not join one of the support groups for people with lung diseases or take up a hobby or sport for disabled people? if you search on the internet you should find some that are close to you. I have done it - i want to get back into education and make up for what i have missed out on at school - so im going to a college for people with physical diabilities in september. Please PM me and we can chat :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You may also like...