Asthma UK community forum


I havent long been out of hospital after a chest infection and such and was taken to ITU twice!!! \I was in for a total of 10 days the longest I have had to stay for a while. I was taken ill when I was at the cinema with my friend. She was fine when I was ill came with me to the hospital and stayed calm but after she left I hardly heard from her. When I got home she was quizzing me on why I was in so long and that. Then she started saying that i should count myself lucky I dont have cancer and I wasnt in for 5 weeks like her nan. Me being me I dont count myself lucky by not having cancer and defended this comment saying that my asthma is likely to kill me and although I dont have cancer SOMETIMES i ish i did (support network understanding etc.) and tried to remind her that I am only 22 and her nan who had cancer is 80 odd and is likely to die in 10 years with or without cancer. Now she isnt talking to me and is female doging behind my back about me getting other onto her side saying I was being selffish.


7 Replies

Hope you're feeling better bizkid. I get that one too. I tried to summon up support for AUK's charity day last year but got told cancer charities needed it more. Even my nearest and dearest will buy all the breast cancer badges, etc. even though none of our family have ever had breast cancer. Can only put it down to Cancer charities being part of a bigger advertising machine. Grr.

I suppose your friend was probably a tad frightened by your attack and hadn't bargained on you having to stay in hospital and the fact that you are now out and going 'back' to normal activities is in comparison to her grandma who may have hospital stays too but will never be back to 'normal' whatever the treatment. Its a sad time for relatives and takes so much out of them that they are suffering along with their ill relatives. My SIL in hospice for two months before passing away and it left us all completely shattered and until about 10 months later, we all kept catching every cold and virus that was going around.

I would hope that you and your friend will make up but not the end of the world if you don't. My other SIL hasn't been in touch since shortly after the funeral - 2 years ago. Guess it took more out of her, being her own sister.

Sorry, bizkid - seem to have added a rant of my own.



Hi Bizkid, Some friends you can do without!If she comes back and apologises or is a fantastic mate normally, maybe cut her some slack (could be in shock). If not may not be such a loss. When you've been through what you have, you find out who your real friends are. You may loose a few but find a few really worthwhile ones you didn't know you had. It's a crappy lesson to learn, one I learnt at 38 after a stroke.Long story but Son has brittle asthma was sleeping on my shoulder every night for a week so he could breath and feel safe, it did something to my neck and messed blood supply to brain. My so called Best friend was nowhere to be seen for 3 weeks. When she did see me was banging on about her neighbour who had a stroke at 83 and how much harder it was for her!I did loads for her and looked after her child before school everyday. I havn't seen her for 2 years and it really is no great loss. Had other people help and have become really good mates with them, have helped them out too.I also know what you mean about Cancer, that's another reason we fell out, she told me at least your Son doesn't have cancer (I'm really glad too but needed her support).Theres a joke about a wireless bra but daren't put it in!! Another friends Son got councelling for having cancer, there is none for children with asthma,yet the outcome could be the same, same fears what if? I try the best I can to answer his questions but it's so tough being too close.Sorry for the rant, but your right people think it's just asthma, take an inhaler and all is well,if only...

I hope you feel much better soon, You could have done with a friendly shoulder,not what you got!!

You may find friends you didn't know you had.

Good luck and take care



Before someone attacks my opioion I know cancer is a horrible illness and wouldnt want it myself but I also dont want asthma at the moment. Cancer suffers seems to get more support (special days out.. funding... support at home etc) than us asthma suffers that can just be as bad and the thing with cancer there is always the chance of a cure or remission where asthma is usually around for life!

Just been to GP and broke down in tears seeing a psychologist now and on diazpam and antidpepressents to help with the stress and anxiety after the latest hospital admission and still got a chest infection!


you forgot the fancy holidays and swimming with dolphins!I agree with you, looking back through our photos and seeing how ill my Son has been all through his life, its awful.

I hope you get the support and help you need, feeling so ill really drags you down.It would be fab if Asthma had more funding, we could have fancy adverts showing how it really is too!

Take care



Hi Bizkid

Sorry you have had a tough time, and simply there are some friends we can do without. As we all know on here many still do not appreciate Asthma and the impact it has on our lives, and it is their ignorance is the problem, and there is no need for anyone if they don't wish to explain themselves regarding their Asthma.

Now without having a go at anyone, whilst it would appear that Cancer Sufferers and Survivors get a lot more help than Asthma Sufferers. And yes they do get a lot of publicity and financial support, the Cancer Charities that is. But that does not mean that all Cancer Sufferers get fully supported, afraid like anything it appears in the experience of my family and friends this depends very much on the kind of Cancer you have and where you live.

Typical Example, is that in my home town there is a Breast Cancer Haven for Women, but men who can also be afflicted by this disease can't attend.

The reason for me posting this, is that a fellow buddy is slightly upset about this post, I hope I have settled her mind because I know no one wished to cause offence, but it needed to be said that not all cancer sufferers get the support they need either.


Hi Bizkid,

Oo, sorry you're having it rough at the moment, but maybe your friend doesn't understand asthma and how it affects people. Until I developed it myself, I'll quite happily hold my hands up and admit I thought it was nothing, but now realise the extent to which it can be a debilitating disease for some.

Having lost my OH to cancer when she was just a bit older than you, and diagnosed way too late for any hope of a cure or treatment, in that respect asthma would have been the preferred option. The support and information we got was zero, apart from a few close friends and family. Some cancers get better support than others, breast cancer for instance is well supported, but what about rectal cancer, ever hear that talked about, or oesophageal cancer to which I've lost three friends under 35.

Truth be told, either cancer or asthma can kill us, and both deserve equal publicity, funding and support network, but life deals us crap at times, and how we cope with it is what makes us who we are, hopefully making us stronger and better in the end.

Regarding your friend, give her some time and either she'll calm down and come round, where you could try explaining how serious asthma can be, but if she doesn't then you're better off without her, friends support you know matter what.

Rattles, PM me that wireless bra joke please ;)


Yeh Rattles can you pm me that Wireless Bra joke too, could do with a good giggle.


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