im sorry about this post im just feeling miserable. As some are aware ive not paid my mortgage for nearly 8 months now and the bank have up to now been very patient. Not so anymore they want their money and to be honest i dont blame them but im now Â£2200 overdrawn and getting charged Â£50 everytime any bill is paid which is on average another Â£200 each month. Im nowhere near well enough to normally and rationally contemplate going back to work but my survival instinct is screaming at me to go back. I know the situation at work my boss is a bully and it wont take long before the stress yet again makes my asthma spiral out of control.
I feel so proud of myself for coming this far after all the hurdles of this year and my 4 near death experiences which although i outwardly joke about really have left deep emotional scars! Im supposed to be really cheery at the moment im due to be an aunt really soon any day really but all i want to do is hide! I feel im letting everybody down and more importantly im ashamed that my grandma is looking down on me in disappointment as my life has just gone on a cascade to nothingness this year! I was hoping 2009 would bring good things and was hoping for my long overdue agenda for change backpay i was told today it may not be paid to me till march! I feel this maybe too late to save my house if i dont return to work. Ive tried everyone dial uk sheffield advice centre cab and even happy pills but believe me i have no idea what to do next! Please someone tell me there is something i can do to preserve my dignity! Ive borrowed money from friends i have no pride left and now cant sleep..... Grr! May see if samaritans can offer some help or just sit and listen to me cry!! sorry guys im having a rough deal with this countries benefits system and really dont want to go back to work unfit it'll only end one way and i dont want to let them down again!! Please please any helpful advice peeps! Sorry for chewing your ears off i just feel rubbish and desparately wanted to make my family proud not make them disappointed in me!
Thanks a miserable and unconsolable kitkat Xxx