Asthma UK community forum

really fed up!!!

hi everyone i hope you all had a happy healthy christmas, ive got a bit of a moan coming up sorry.

well my asthma has taken a real nose dive over the past couple of months, ive been nebbing 4 times a day (all in line with my protocol of course), ive been back and forth to the drs but have been fobbed off each time, am now coming off a 3week course of steriods. anyway that is not the real problem. my husband is! he has been so un supportive 2 nights ago while i was having my neb he said you were not this bad 2months ago and since you have started upping your medication you seem to be getting worse, maybe you should stop taking it all and go down the gym!!!!!!!!!!!

i nearly had to have another neb, what was he on about, now i feel bad whenever i have to have a neb or take a pill or inhaler. i actually tried skipping one of my nebs bad idea, i ended up having it later and felt rough for the rest of the day. im hoping to speak to my consultant this week as i cant go on like this, my husband is working lots and moaning about the state of the house, and that i should get up off the sofa and do some housework. the thing is with 3 young kids im finding it hard. i dont understand why ive got so bad and why my husband is not supporting me, he always has done in the past. sorry for the long moan if anyone is still reading.

7 Replies

Hi. I am sorry your husband is not being supportive. It sounds like you really need to take you medication. Being new to this, I don't think other people actually know what it feels like and how bad it feels even doing normal activities such as house work. Perhaps you could explain to him when he is less stressed? I hope it gets better.


hi Michelle

sorry to here you are having a rough time and not getting the support you need and with little ones and housework.

Makesure you have him with you when you go the hospital.

dont worry about house work just do what you can when you can and take all your meds to keep you going and nebs.

Try tell him how it feels and how hard it is to keep going( like how he would feel running a marathon and trying to breath at the end and then do house work and see to children all day.)

hope he comes round and helps you out and ask family to help also.

love Glynis xxxx


Michelle, please don't take this the wrong way but have you tried getting social services involved. They can help in all sorts of ways from arranging after school care and childminders for the children to give you time out. People assume they are going to come in critise but they in situations like this they can be a wonderful source of help.

With the problem with your husband, you have to remember that asthma is very much seen as a blue inhaler illness and who knows who might be re-inforcing that belief for him, his work mates, friends etc my be making comments in ignorance that are making things harder for him. I think it might be a good idea if you took him along to an appointment and asked your consultants some of the questions he is asking you things like ""why is getting worse"" ""is taking more medication making it worse"" and ""I am finding my exercise tolerance is getting worse should I think about joining a gym"". Tell your partner you want him along because it is all so much to take in, don't be confrontational as I suspect that will only make things worse. I am sure if hears from your consultant how things are he will be more sympathetic. You could also ask your consultant if there is a pulmonary rehab scheme in the area that will help. And you ask social services for help with the children so you can attend.

There is no magic solution but honestly don't be scared about asking for help, better to get it sorted now and hopefully you will be more in control of your asthma as I am sure all this stress is not helping at all.

I hope this helps and sorry if I have been presumptious in my posting, I just think you sound like you need help before it all brakes down.



hi thank you for the messages and pms.

bex i did suggest the idea to my hubby but he said no, he would not even consider it. he has a typical negative view of social services, no amout of talking was going to change his mind. he did agre to asking my mother in law to do some ironing/housework for me.

i have a 5yrold a 4yr old both are pretty independant and can get themselves dressed, toilet and get a drink of water themselves, i also have a 9month old who obv needs all care but my other 2 will gt me nappies wipes etc to save me going up and down the stairs. they will also put toys away or get the baby toys to play with. so im lucky that way.

hubby is still working lots but he needs to oherwise we cant afford our bills.

im off to drs tommorrow as lungs still not good. will ring consultant as well as i had a lung function test last week so will see what that says!

hope everyone is ok and thats again.



I'd try and get MIL on your wavelength and persuade her son to accompany you even just the once to consultant or GP to hear all the answers to his spoken and unspoken questions. I'd guess if he is really working so hard, his worry quotient is sky high anyway. Mine got like that when we had rent to pay on flat plus mortgage on an unsold flat when nothing was selling for months. He'd to do extra work at night to make ends meet. At the time, I can remember feeling I could do with more help house-wise but there were only a certain number of hours in the day and he was out working for most of them even at weekends and feeling so guilty about doing it. So I know where you are coming from, even if I had only two children at the time. Heck, the health visitor came by one day and ended up doing my ironing while I bathed the baby and fed her. I was so grateful though very embarrassed at the same time.

Best wishes to you, and to your two kids for helping. Best wishes to your MIL too. And a very best wish to the guy thats trying to juggle so many balls in the air.

GM xx


Hi I really know how you feel, I was very ill a few years ago and everything went to pot. My Husband was working long hours and very ill unbeknown to us, he nearly died 3 months later after having major surgery. We got help through my doctor with cleaning the house and ironing (it was only for 4 weeks)We had never had anything like this happen to us as it's always my hubby and youngest Son who are ill. The health visitor came out and then other agencies (my Mum told the doctor I was too ill to cope and as I was at home instead of being in hospital where she thought I should be,what could be done to help?)My Hubby moans when I'm ill but after a few more health scares, really helps out. My boys were 7 and 9 so they ended up doing the housework and helped cook.

We have quite a few rows when I'm ill as that's when everyone notices we don't have a magic fairy and it's me who washes,irons, cooks and keeps the house clean as well as working.I got called lazy after I ended up in hospital after my asthma messed my heart about, I couldn't get off the sofa when I got home. He did grovel lots when he ended up doing all my jobs for a few days.

Please look after yourself, I learned the hard way. Your health is everything and it's so frustrating trying to get something resembling good health back.I have just come back from the doctors in tears. Some of them think they are God, wouldn't let me have my asthma results until my doc's back of his hols!

Take care

Kate (overworked and underpaid!)


Take your husband to a clinic appointment. I took my wife. She couldn't understand why I could be so active one month then after 1 episode be so badly controlled. The dr answered all her questions discussed the dreAded lung function results. She was so upset she never went back to the clinic and never questions why I can't do things. Asthma still badly controlled that was over two years ago


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