Firstly thank you to everyone that has contacted me via PM or text and thank you Geina for the lovely message and starting the other thread, and to all that replied, you are all very kind.
Well, today was the meeting. I found it very daunting as there were so many people there, The consultant, 2 of the senior ITU docs, all the critical care team, senior nurses etc etc.. All I wanted them to say was she is stable and were going to leave her alone, that sounds odd I know but in the past (cant explain details here as even Andrea does not fully know) but there have been major problems and complications when trying to extubate her when its been a prolonged period like this, so for me anything they did now carried a risk and I just wanted to keep her safe, keep her in her little bubble, but at the same time I want her back and to be ok so Iâ€™m very much torn.
They have decided against the bypass, unless there is any further deterioration at a later stage, they are going to keep up the measures of trying to get her temp down again, BUT they have NOT removed her from the critical list, that was the hardest blow as I had hoped that she would at least of been moved down a stage, they are still concerned that her temp is too high, that her heart is still not performing properly all of the time, and her SATS are still a bit lower than they would like. They were positive about the fact that they managed to remove the chest drain successfully yesterday and that the infection is reducing but were honest that there is still a long road ahead.
It might seem like not a lot was discussed, as Iâ€™ve just gone into the main bits, but it was very in-depth as they went through every crash team report (which was hard hearing what they had to do etc when I was not allowed to stay), every chart, test result, procedure, vent setting etc really in depth, most of which went over my head though! And the meeting lasted an hour and a half!
Then the talked about the dreadedâ€¦.. when to extubate, I just broke down and cried again, and felt like a complete fool in front of everyone, but they were all very understanding becasuse of past problems and said that as and when they decided the time was right it would be done slowly and protocols of gradual weaning will be put in place to see how she copes with reduced support first, and all will be done under extreme control, but it was something that needed to be planned for now as they cant assess what, or if any damage to her brain/memory has been caused, or know how her lungs will perform without the ventilator until she is awake and off it, so this will be reviewed again in 3 days time.
So now Iâ€™m split down the middle, as I really donâ€™t want to be here when they try and possibly fail, BUT I have to be the first thing she sees when she wakes up, now I just donâ€™t know what to do.
All in all, she is still the same as Friday, nothing else really has changed.
Sorry for such a long postâ€¦.