Snowy crashed again last night around 10:15pm, the team of docs were with her until just gone 3am this morning, I was not allowed in during all of that time and words cannot describe how heart renching it was to sit and watch from a lonely cold corridor at people coming and going for 5 seemingly endless hours, they popped out from time to time to tell me that she was still hanging in there but she kept going off but that they would not leave until she was either stable enough or the other...
I sent the family home at 10pm thinking that she would be ok, and did ring to update but everyone around midnight, but they were all shattered and didnt want them to have to come back unless they absolutely had to.
I thought I couldnt feel any worse but then the consultant this morning asked me to think about what she would want, if things dont improve today or if she crashes again, How the heck do I know if she would want them to carry on? I know I do but am I just being selfish? .
Then he asked me to start to think about if she had any wishes for donation etc... its all too much and I dont know what to say, why is it that you can discuss these things when everyone is well and fine but when it comes to it you cant or dont want to remember what your loved one said?
Right now shes stable again, but for how long no-one knows, he said they might have one last try at some radical measures to get the infection under control during the course of today.
Massive thankyou for those that were with me by phone and distant phone last night, and to everyone that was thinking of her and praying for her, you are all wonderful people!
Alex
34 Replies
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Alex i am still going to pray for your recovery. if you want someone else to talk to by text you know snowygirl has my nimber just ask her for it
Amanda
am so sorry alex
lets hope things improve today...
it was a long nite for all concerned, i know...
too many questions, too much for you to take in and make sense of... of course ur not being selfish sweetie, she is ur wife that u adore, and fab mam to lewis. and a great support and friend too all who know her, that u should feel proud of
am glad to hear she stable again, for now, lets hope and pray with every ounce that continues and that the radical measures they speak of will do some good
honestly thanks is not needed alex, i continue to support u and lewis whatever happens....
x x x
Aww Alex, Thinking of you all today and praying hard for Andrea and hoping still all our prayers get answerd. xxx
Alex, myheart goes out to you. You've been so brave and strong during this difficult time. Am praying things improve with the radical plan. Big hugs sent to you.x
Alex, I'm so sorry that Snowy is still no better, and the conversation with the consultant about what she would want is devastating. If you haven't had that conversation with her you can only follow your instinct, and if that is to keep trying then it's the right thing to do. Never think you're being selfish by giving her every chance to fight on and survive.
You are all in my thoughts.
12pm update - Cons meeting - what we do next
Just come out of a meeting with all the team, we have decided that they are going to try heart bypass, normally this would never be considered considering how unstable she is, but all 7 people had their input inc me and it was totaly agreed by everyone that doing nothing carried the same risk as to try, so thats where we are up to now.
It is hoped that this will give her body time to recover enough to fight the infection, they are also going to try probably one of the last options of cocktail of drugs & anti-biotics
Fingers crossed eh!
Alex
Fingers, toes and everything crossed it helps.
Thanks Gill,
I do mean what I say in the PM to you, we are both in similar situation and both struggling but that does not mean I dont have time for you, take care and pass on my wishes and prayers to Emma, you and your family,
Will be thinking of you
Alex
Alex, just wanted to say still thinking of you, Andrea and Lewis - crossing everything in the hope that what they're going to try now works. Snowy has hung on this long and as you said defied odds before. Can't imagine what it's like but you are doing the best you can in such an awful situation. xxx
That's an awful lot to take in, isn't it? I'm sorry that you've had to have the conversation about whether to continue with resuscitation attempts, organ donation, etc. I remember feeling so heartbroken when I had a similar discussion about 9 months ago. I came out of that meeting, even though we'd discussed those topics and knew the answers, just feeling as though it was so *wrong* of the doctors to think that we were at that stage. My mum says that it's very therapeutic to kick cardboard boxes (there are usually lots lying around in the corridor at my local hospital, I don't know if it's the same at yours).
Praying that the heart bypass and new medication cocktail is the answer for Snowy, and gives her tired body a chance to rest and start to recover.
Snowy is still trying to fight this let's hope there's some good news soon
Holding you in the light.
Keep fighting for her, medically, spiritually and physically. Cos I am sure if you were ill she would insist they fight right. We are not deluded we know what she is facing but she is still here so we are not giving up. IJN
I will ask my friends to keep on praying for you all.
Fingers and toes crossed, praying hard for you all.
Clare x
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I have lttle to add to all the other comments made, just follow your heart. You will know what decisions are right to make and when to make them. You are being amazingly strong. With your courage and snowys fight there is hope. with love chell.xxx
Fingers crossed and praying with all my heart and lots of love to you all. snowy keep fighting xxxx
new meds cocktail and bypass is way forward, she WILL pull through this now
everything crossed, prayers continue, candles lit across virtual world, and in my home...
x x x
I can only wish the best for snowy, yourself and your family. I also hope this gives the much results. My hopes and prayers will be with all of you. xx
Well the bypass has not happened yet, when they went to prepare she become less stable than this morning (nothing major) just they said that the procedure was risky enough, and its best to do it when she can be at her best (or best of bad if you know what I mean!) to get the best chance of it working and a full recovery.
They did start the new cocktail of drugs, so thats one good thing and her temp has come down 1 degree, I thought it wasnt much but snowygirl said that it was a lot with the infection so bad, so that cheered me up!
Thanks for the update Alex. Sending positive thoughts to help Snowy keep fighting and to you so that you can stay beside her, where you want to be. Eat and rest when you can.
I'm still sending those positive thoughts for Snowy. Please make sure you look after yourself, I suspect thats very difficult but do try your best.
Sending lots of love and hope to you and Andrea and lewis.
praying hard and hope bypass starts soon xxxx
So glad to hear the temp has come down a fraction - and I agree with Snowygirl - 1 degree is significant.
Thank you to you and Snowygirl for keeping me updated at work when I couldn't get online - here's hoping for an uneventful night - with rest for you both and a positive outcome for the bypass.
Hugs
Fiona
Every minute that passes gives the hope that the new mix of meds is doing its thing. Temperature fall, even a little, is going in the right direction. Hang on in there Snowy and Alex.
Alex - Look after yourself too. You know it makes sense. No more keeling over in the corridor looking a right doughnut.
Moira
Alex thanks for the update, thats good news her temp has gone down. Its a bit off cons asking to think about her wishes etc, i think id be a bit upset if they asked me that. Shes fighting the fact she hasnt given up so keep egging her on. You all remain in my thoughts, love and light and hope to hear more good news soon.
sj
come on snowy you are hanging in there show them how tough you are. been thinking of you all day love. hope and pray you have turned a corner now and you will become stronger every day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Glad to hear better news, still praying for you all.
Gill
With everyone else on this - she's taken a step, however small, in the right direction and hopefully it means the new drugs are having an effect. Now just crossed fingers for the bypass! Snowy seems to want to keep fighting - she is obviously giving it all she's got. xxx
Aw, I remember that desperate feeling too of being alone & that you can't do anything, waiting for news outside, if you're lucky there's a rellys (relatives) room but still felt like been in a zoo. Then to be asked her wishes must have been awful.
Haven't said it to many people on here, just may have mentioned knew people that had been in.
My mum was in for 2-3months in ITU in her nearest hospital in Dublin to home after pnuemonia and then unknown sleep apoena led to respiratory arrest luckily while she was in. Chest x-rays aren't meant to show white lungs like that. Best friend also had a very risky procedure with low % of survival after a botched op with bowel perforation led to repeated infection/pnuemonia/... and intensive care with multi-organ failure. Basically had a complete abdominal wall & bowel reconstruction.
Anyway, sorry enough of that, hope you're all doing ok, look after yourself & tonight/tomorrow brings more improvement however small.
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