Snowy crashed again last night around 10:15pm, the team of docs were with her until just gone 3am this morning, I was not allowed in during all of that time and words cannot describe how heart renching it was to sit and watch from a lonely cold corridor at people coming and going for 5 seemingly endless hours, they popped out from time to time to tell me that she was still hanging in there but she kept going off but that they would not leave until she was either stable enough or the other...
I sent the family home at 10pm thinking that she would be ok, and did ring to update but everyone around midnight, but they were all shattered and didnt want them to have to come back unless they absolutely had to.
I thought I couldnt feel any worse but then the consultant this morning asked me to think about what she would want, if things dont improve today or if she crashes again, How the heck do I know if she would want them to carry on? I know I do but am I just being selfish? .
Then he asked me to start to think about if she had any wishes for donation etc... its all too much and I dont know what to say, why is it that you can discuss these things when everyone is well and fine but when it comes to it you cant or dont want to remember what your loved one said?
Right now shes stable again, but for how long no-one knows, he said they might have one last try at some radical measures to get the infection under control during the course of today.
Massive thankyou for those that were with me by phone and distant phone last night, and to everyone that was thinking of her and praying for her, you are all wonderful people!