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Magic Smoke Detector

Feel your nose isn't sensitive enough to detect smoke, cigarette smoke, perfume, paint, Lush shops and other full-bodied and enjoyable scents?

Try MAGIC LUNGS! Guaranteed to alert you to the presence of these delightful odours before your nose can manage it, these devices have an easy-to-interpret 2-fold alarm signal combining a loud and unmistakable noise with a bonus 'Victorian womanhood' virtual corset sensation. Never again will you be unaware of the fact that someone in your vicinity is a pyromaniac, clean freak or nicotine addict.

BONUS FEATURES Depending on individual product, can also tell you when it's cold/dry/humid/damp, when you're exercising and whether a cat/dog/horse/llama has been passing.

No batteries required but alarm signal must be reset by application of inhaled salbutamol or other suitable product (not included). If alarm signal does not reset within a reasonable period of time please contact technical support immediately and quote product number.

PLEASE NOTE: This product is non-returnable and non-refundable. This will not affect your non-existent statutory rights. This product cannot be replaced. We accept no liability for any costs which may be incurred from the use of this product including but not limited to technical support costs and the disruption of your social life and/or employment.

Thank you for unintentionally purchasing this product. We hope you have a nice day.

15 Replies


Very very funny/ true philomela!!!



lol thanks! I get very creative when I'm trying to avoid work (at home trying to write a masters assignment due tomorrow).

Inspired by the fact that one of my charming neighbours is yet again having an illegal bonfire. Tempted to ring the council but I can't tell who it is.


Brilliant and so true Philomela,

In my case my lungs make up for lack of sense of smell


Its amazing how many cups of tea you just have to have when you're writing assignments!!! I could avoid for English when I was doing my degree :-)

Being nosy (& feel free to tell me to stop being nosy), what's your masters in?



super good :)

made me laugh for the first time in ages (since your silly ryhmes and jokes for remembering GCSE science stuff).

if you can write your Masters as well as that you will sale through with flying colours.

however, now creative writing time is over - please open your text books/netbook and carry on with the assignnment that was set. you dont have long to get it done and there is no more time for procrastination!

gold star for this creative writing session, i look forward to awarding you a larger gold star for the completion of your assignment and the handing in thereof on time.

xx ><>


Philomena, thanks so much for the laugh - I'd buy some from you!


Thanks! Glad I made you laugh :)

spiritedstream, are you an undercover teacher lol? I wish I could come up with the assignment that easily but sadly it's a critical review of a neuroimaging study and the mark scheme doesn't mention creative writing ;) I look forward to my big gold star though.

Angelica, as you may have been able to tell from the above - and no worries about being nosy lol - it's brain-related. More specifically, cognitive neuroscience and neuropsychology. What was your degree in? Seem to remember you mentioning something science-related.

As for cups of tea...well I am odd and don't drink tea but there are plenty of other distractions. For instance, I have been ultra-vigilant about charting PF today.

Mind you, if I could sell these lungs to anyone maybe I should consider a career in sales instead.


Love it Philomela!

This could be the new asthma diagnostic criteria!!


Wow!! Very very impressive philomela! :-)

Mine was totally non sciency, Spanish and tourism markerting which I loved, qll a looooong time ago now thpugh.

Hope your assignment goes well, my little man had to have a brain scan at gosh in dec and I totally am in awe of anything relating to this.



I think I must have got you mixed up with spiritedstream - sorry to both! No idea why lol.

I wouldn't be too impressed yet lol, I feel like I know absolutely nothing especially as I try to write this paper. I feel like I only have a very basic understanding and need to know a lot more - we were taught about the physics but the lecturer in that case, while very impressive, is not the best communicator and definitely not the best person to convey the intricacies of MRI physics - he knows them all right, just manages to confuse everyone.

Hope your son's brain scans were all ok! Have to say that the more I know about the brain the more freaked out I get about all the possibilities even if they're unlikely, so I think you were better off not knowing about it when he had the scan.

oops I should get back to reading about statistical tests I don't understand because we haven't covered them yet.


hahahaha Love the sales pitch!!


Tempted? I've sold a pair to Annista it seems ;) I definitely think I should go into sales if I can sell these - it ought to be a new criterion lol, as in 'oh, he could sell a set of hyperreactive airways to an asthmatic.'


Can I have my gold star please? ;)

I've finished! Though I don't think it's very good which is depressing, but there wasn't much space and I'm not quite sure what they wanted. Hopefully it will pass muster but am hoping for reasonable marks to show come PhD app time...

I'm getting old...stayed up a bit late last night, brain like custard, 6 hours sleep which isn't the longest but not bad and now feel rubbish - and all for a 1000 word assignment! When I was an undergrad I used to do 2 all-nighters or near all-nighters a week and 4000+word essays without feeling like death warmed up like I do now. (On the other hand, when I did sleep back then, it was proper quality sleep and my lungs were well behaved).


Magic Smoke Detector - Just read your post. Wonderful stuff. Wish I could show it to my smoking friend and that he'd actually read it. He knows smoke bothers me and therefore before I give him a run home, will stand outside and have his last fag before getting in the car. Unfortunately, he chats to others and pops his head in to tell me what they said that was funny, bringing in all the smoke and tobacco pong with him. Arrrrgh! Then to top it all off, leans over to give me a hug to say thanks for the lift, before getting out of the car.

Edit: as last bit not needed.


I notice if i sit next to people i can tell if they are a smoker, even if they're not actually smoking. I sat next to one of the girls from my dancing class today in the waiting room before the lesson and she really smelled of smoke (and i think i've smelled it on her before so i'm presuming it is her that's the smoker), you'd think a dancer would have more sense *sigh*


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