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During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "" How do I know if I married the right person ?""

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "" It Depends. Is that your husband?""

In all seriousness, she answered "" How do you know?""

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's Weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a Completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called ""falling"" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "" I was swept of my feet."" Think about the Imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls Become a bother ( if they come at all), touch is not always welcome ( when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "" Did I marry The right person?"" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their Unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You Could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because ( listen carefully to this):


SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't ""find "" LASTING love. You have to ""make"" it day in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "" the labor of love.""

Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific Things you can do ( with or without your spouse ) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe ( such as gravity),

There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise Program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... You can "" make"" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "" decision""... Not just a feeling.

5 Replies

Blimey, thought I had logged on to Relate by mistake, marriage guidance your new vocation in life Woody-Som. Think you need to do something about the word count though he he!


Katina, word count, you can't talk haha !


A friend of ours would announce in fun that he'd been married for seven happy years...and all the rest were flipping awful. Or his other one - I remember my wedding day like yesterday... and you know what an awful day yesterday was. LOL

Speaking as someone who celebrates their 36th anniversary in 2010, woody's post has Got it in One. My late FIL spoke at length about the sea of matrimony at our wedding. About stormy waters and safe harbours and such-like. Went on for ages. Thought he was never going to sit down and of course we had no idea what he was on about back then.

Eventually we worked out that he was trying to tell us, in a roundabout way, that the early years are a time for sorting out one's differences e.g. who gets annoyed when bathroom light is left on again; how much money is going here and there and for whose hobbies; which parents do you go to for Christmas (we had it easy on that last one cos my lot always celebrated Christmas, for as the other lot made a big thing of Hogmanay. Sorted!).

Many years later, we learned my SIL had written the speech for him - she'd separated from her husband after only one year and hoped we wouldn't follow suit. No give and take and too young to do so, she said.

PS fact the woman was sitting with her husband would indicate that yes, she did marry the right person for her.


Katina, should we be concerned that you were logging onto relate?

Anything you want to share, were hear for you darling..........................

yeh right, wrong site....ho ho ho


haha! married 22 years, god whats to come over the next 22 years xxx


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