Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
'Do not turn upside down.'
(well..duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
'Warning: contains nuts.'
(talk about a news flash)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
'Product will be hot after heating.'
(...and you thought????...)
On a Sears hairdryer --
Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap --
'Directions: Use like regular soap.'
(and that would be???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
'Do not iron clothes on body.'
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'
(..I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor --
'Not to be used for the other use.'
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume --
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...