CONSUMER INSTRUCTION MANUAL

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --

'Do not turn upside down.'

(well..duh, a bit late, huh!)

==========================

On Sainsbury's peanuts --

'Warning: contains nuts.'

(talk about a news flash)

===========================

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --

'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking

this medication.'

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

==========================

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --

'Product will be hot after heating.'

(...and you thought????...)

=======================

On a Sears hairdryer --

Do not use while sleeping.

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

====================================

On a bag of Fritos --

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

===========================

On a bar of Dial soap --

'Directions: Use like regular soap.'

(and that would be???....)

============================

On some Swanson frozen dinners --

'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'

(but, it's just a suggestion.)

========================

On packaging for a Rowenta iron --

'Do not iron clothes on body.'

(but wouldn't this save me time?)

==============================

On Nytol Sleep Aid --

'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'

(..I'm taking this because???....)

==============================

On most brands of Christmas lights --

'For indoor or outdoor use only.'

(as opposed to what?)

==========================

On a Japanese food processor --

'Not to be used for the other use.'

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

==============================

On an American Airlines packet of nuts --

'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'

(Step 3: say what?)

===========================

On a child's Superman costume --

'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

========================

On a Swedish chainsaw --

'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'

(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

===========================

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even chuckle)...

[Hidden]

On a wireless internet router, I once saw this warning

'Follow normal safety precautions when using this product. For example, do not use this product to report a gas leak in the vicinity of the leak.'

Classic. That was the only thing it suggested as a 'normal safety precaution.' I'm surprised it didn't tell me somewhere in there not to strike a match in the vicinity of a gas leak either...

[Hidden]

Oh I had one of these recently on my new electric wheelchair, this device is designed to be used from a seated position. Oh well there goes me doing a headstand whilst trundling at long the high street.

Electric bed also had a warning not to use during a fire! Obviously I would be adjusting my bed and snuggling down during a house fire.

Bex

`